And a few other boring characters…

From Mel’s article “Open-Meeting Bores”

The challenge? AA … “is greatly imperiled by the great blanket of boredom that stifles many meetings from coast to coast.”

Mel’s research and conclusion: “Having arrived at the conclusion that boring meetings and groups were caused by boring members, I began to look for some means of identifying just who these members really were. Surprisingly, they were the same fellows I have seen in my own bathroom shaving mirror from time to time.”

The first in Mel’s cast of boring characters;

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Making use of the slogan “Live and Let Live” - from the book “Living Sober.”

“An ancient sage said that none of us should criticize another until we have walked a mile in the other person’s boots. This wise advice can give us greater compassion for our fellow human beings. And putting it into practice makes us feel much better than being hung over.

‘Let Live’ - yes. But some of us find just as much value in the first part of the slogan: ‘Live!’

When we have worked out ways to enjoy our own living fully, then we are content to let other people live any way they want. If our own lives are interesting and productive, we really have no impulse or desire to find fault with others or worry about the way they act.

Can you think right this minute of someone who bothers you?

If you can, try something. Postpone thinking about him or her and whatever it is about the person that riles you. You can boil inside about it later if you want to. But for right now, why not put it off while you read the next paragraph?

Live! Be concerned with your own living. In our opinion, staying sober opens up the way to life and happiness. It is worth sacrificing many a grudge or argument… Okay, so you didn’t manage to keep your mind completely off that other person. Let’s see whether the suggestion coming next will help.”

What a concept. Live a good life. Then the other person doesn’t affect you the same way.

I was speaking with a female friend yesterday. A couple of months ago her daughter gave birth to her first grandchild.

Not long after the baby was born the mother and, more specifically, the father, returned to their addictions. Mom could very well be a “social” experimenter but Dad is certainly one of “us.” He has come and gone a number of times in the last 9 years yet has not been able to remain clean or sober.

Within a short time, the baby’s parent’s had resorted to calling in bogus prescriptions for xanax, again. The law enforcement community here knows the father to the extent that he has been banned from filling prescriptions in any pharmacy in the county, yet they tried.

They were caught. Not exactly rocket science…

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To continue the “What A Concept” thoughts…

We return to “Living Sober” and page 12;

“We’ll meet some people in A.A. or elsewhere who won’t be exactly crazy about us, either. So all of us try to respect the rights of others to act as they choose (or must). We can then expect them to give us the same courtesy. In A.A., they generally do.”

I’m not so sure I want to develop expectations along those lines.

This goes on to say: “Usually, people who like each other - in a neighborhood, a company, a club, or A.A. - gravitate toward each other. When we spend time with people we like, we are less annoyed by those we don’t particularly care for.”

The interesting concept then follows;

“As time goes on, we find we are not afraid simply to walk away from people who irritate us, instead of meekly letting them get under our skin, or instead of trying to straighten them out just so they will suit us better.”

Yes, Micky/David/Patrick is a PIA. Walk away… what a concept! We can walk away from irritation.

Is this about membership in Alcoholics Anonymous;

“Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought AA membership ever depend on money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an AA group.“

“This clearly implies that an alcoholic is a member if he says so; that we can’t deny him membership; that we can’t demand from him a cent; that we can’t force our beliefs or practices on him; that he may flout everything we stand for and still be a member. In fact, our (3rd) Tradition carries the principle of independence for the individual to such an apparently fantastic length that, so long as there is the slightest interest in sobriety, the most unmoral, the most antisocial, the most critical alcoholic may gather about him a few kindred spirits and announce to us that a new Alcoholics Anonymous group has been formed.”

From The Language of the Heart, page 32.

Yes, I’m being a bit facetious…

From “Living Sober” on page 11;

“To begin to put the concept of ‘Live and Let Live’ into practice, we must face this fact: There are people in A.A., and everywhere else, who sometimes say things we disagree with, or do things we don’t like.”

Ya’ think?

“Learning to live with differences is essential to our comfort. It is exactly in those cases that we have found it extremely helpful to say to ourselves, ‘Oh, well, Live and Let Live.’”

How often did you wind up with a resentment and drink at someone simply because you didn’t like what they had to say or they had a differing opinion and refused to see it your way?

“We have learned it pays to make a very special effort to try to understand other people, especially anyone who rubs us the wrong way. For our recovery, it is more important to understand than to be understood.”

The First One!

From “Living Sober” we’re told something profoundly simple on page 3;

“We have found that for us recovery began with not drinking - with getting sober and staying completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form. We have also found that we have to stay away from other mind-changing drugs. We can move toward a full and satisfying life only when we stay sober. Sobriety is the launching pad for our recovery.”

That ain’t middle-of-the-road psycho-babble, that is directly out of AA approved literature! This is for those who have questioned the presence of the word “abstinence” in our literature. If you’re not certain that completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form is abstinence I’d suggest looking under your feet to make sure what planet you’re on… While you’re doing that - also notice that it says that the marijuana (anything mind-changing) maintenance program doesn’t work either.

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Okay, I’ve heard it a thousand times… and, guess what? I think I did the same thing!

A couple of days, weeks, months of not drinking. No sponsor. No Steps. No clue.

But - you’re smart. Or, you really don’t want us to know your truth.

So you wear a mask of “I’m sober today.” You wear a mask of “I’d like to thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God that I’m sober today, I’ll pass…” When you’re asked what your sobriety date is you say “April, 2008.” If you’re asked what Step you’re on you tell us “well, in rehab they got us up to 9. So - 9.”

The challenge you face is that you simply cannot - CANNOT - deceive those who made deception a life practice!!! That’s who we are… been there, done that. Oh, and don’t think you can come up with anything original either. It’s all been done.

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I’ll let you read through this and then I’ll tell you what principle could be destroyed…

From page 298 in “The Language of the Heart”

“At this point in our very early experience there remained, however, one missing link - an absolutely vital one. We still lacked a full comprehension of the terrific impact at great depth which one alcoholic talking to another could make. I had partly realized this when my alcoholic friend and sponsor, Ebby, told me about his own drinking, his release from it and of the Oxford Group principles which had made this possible. Still more realization came during my own spiritual experience which had included the vision of a chain reaction among alcoholics, one alcoholic talking to the next. But it was not until I met Dr. Bob that I knew I needed him as much as he could ever need me. This was perfect mutuality, this was full brotherhood. This was the crucial and the final answer. The missing link was then fully forged and somehow we knew this at once.”

The principle is within the last post. When you are given the gift of sobriety and keep it all to yourself, you break the chain reaction of one alcoholic talking to another. You send a message that it’s an alternative to do this by yourself. You take the “we” out of the First Step and replace it with “I.” If the rest of us didn’t say anything about it, it could become as rampant as First Step meetings that have nothing to do with the First Step.

Eventually we could find ourselves back in the stone ages, drunk and dying - or already dead. Because “I” get me drunk. And, to drink is to die.

And I don’t understand why its changed…

When I walked into my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous the folks who were already members didn’t adapt AA to me or for me. They went about their business as they had been doing all along before I arrived. They also didn’t tell me I was the most important person in the room because they knew we are all important persons! Equal!

So why have we developed this “new version” of Alcoholics Anonymous today to the extent that we adapt AA each and every single time a newcomer arrives??? “Let’s have a first step meeting…”

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