Heard something else at a meeting today and I loved it. Why? Because it came from the mouth of someone who is a Viet Nam vet, has 10 years sobriety, is a cancer survivor and is also a “retired” member of a “motorcycle club.” He now calls himself a “motorcycle enthusiast” rather than a biker!

He closed his sharing with;

“Once I was a hopeless dope fiend. Today I do everything I can to be a dopeless hope fiend!”

Reminded me of something else I heard at a meeting many years ago (Thank God).

“I’m worse than a hopeless romantic. I’m a hopeful romantic!”

(I’m working on my MySpace – come listen to my current state of mind… love Journey, though today I’d rather have been able to find “Freebird”)

Post from: Blisstree

Heard The Pop Yet?

1. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. (64:0)

2. Our liquor was but a symptom. (64:0)

3. Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. (64:3)

4. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. (64:3)

5. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. (65:3)

6. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. (66:0)

7. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these (resentments), do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. (66:1)

8. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it (resentment) is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. (66:1)

9. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. (66:2)

10. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. (66:3)

11. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. (66:3)

12. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

13. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. (66:4)

14. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. (67:4)

15. “Fear” This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune. (67:3)

16. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. (68:2)

17. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. (68:3)

18. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. (70:1)

19. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. (70:1)

20. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. (70:3)

21. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. (70:3)

22. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. (70:3)

23. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. (70:3)

24. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. (70:3)

25. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. (70:3)

Post from: Blisstree

Fourth Step Promises

“We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fellows.”

For ex. – this comment.

Forward to pg. 44 – “Whenever a human being becomes a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace.”

In response to a post where I’m disagreeing with the concept of “Meeting Makers Make It” someone takes the time, lacking any communication, to immediately make a defamatory remark about “not working the program of action” to another human being, knowing nothing at all about that person and going to length to belittle the word “recovering” which isn’t mentioned in the post at all. What does this tell me? I can’t say for certain, but the guess is that the commenter is reading the right blog.

“Every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows.”

Meetings have nothing to do with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous??? You have truly got to be kidding, or insane, still. Perhaps we should all go downtown and attempt to spew the Twelve Steps all over drunks in the alley ways. Maybe we ought to stand on barstools and preach recovery to drunks who’ve been sitting in their same stools for decades – they’re sure to listen. Where else do I get as many opportunities to practice the principles of recovery as I do in meetings?

“When an individual’s desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, whether in the sewing circle or at the international conference table, other people suffer and often revolt. This collision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snub to a blazing revolution.”

And if you even approach the implication that somehow I am responsible for the death of anyone – you’re going to get a blazing revolution, from me.

I have the ability to place something out of context myself… here, follow this;

“We have drunk for vainglory – that we might the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power. This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon.”

I imagine if you’re recovered and I’m not a real alcoholic then I’m less than and you’re better than. A foolish dream and not pleasant to look upon!

Go write your own book.

Post from: Blisstree

Anger, Jealousy, Revenge Likely To Be Aroused

4th STEP Prayers

WHEN IN DOUBT

“I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.”
(p.13)

WHEN I AM DISTURBED BY THE CONDUCT (SYMPTOMS) OF OTHERS

“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
(p. 67 BB)

God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
(see above and p. 141 of 12&12)

WHEN I AM AFRAID

“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.”
(p. 68 BB)

God, relieve me of this fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. AMEN
(see above)

WHEN I AM AWARE OF MY OWN DEFECTS AND SEEKING GOD’S HELP TO CHANGE

“We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. . . we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.”
(p. 69 BB)

God mold my ideals in this particular area of my life and help me to live up to them. What should I do in each specific matter? Guide me God and give me strength to do right. AMEN
(see above)

[Edited to bring it into the "now"]

Post from: Blisstree

Fourth Step Prayers

I haven’t paid attention all that often – usually only when I need to the most. Like now.

Today’s Daily Reflection;

“We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.”

Emotional deformities – that’ll stop ya’!

The response to the reflection says;

“Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatens – my self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist: without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward.”

If I left the talk there I’d ignore the solution…

“I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God’s power to face the person I’ve feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be.”

Whom I know only so slightly…

“Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom.”

I’m tired of running. I’d like to be free. It feels so much better.

I have a dream.

Post from: Blisstree

Never Give Up The Dream

“Pain shared in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is cut in half; Joy shared in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is doubled!”

Also heard in meetings and known, by personal experience, to be true…

More reality from the Daily Reflection;

“When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations.”

Positively.

“This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship.”

Most of us? Sure have a sense of uniqueness from that statement, though I’m certain I’m not alone, I’m also certain to be envious of anyone who CAN do it without a Higher Power and our Fellowship!

“When I began working the Steps of the A.A. program, many of these tangled threads unraveled but, little by little, the most broken places of my life straightened out.”

Little by little, little by slowly, little by “if it was any slower,” frozen molasses would flow uphill.

“I began to experience moments of contentment. My emotions became less volatile. I am now once again a part of the human family.”

Brief, very brief, moments of contentment. Don’t forget – “The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away.” Bad frame of mind…

Post from: Blisstree

Fear Profits No Man

“The Language of the Heart”

The story creates a symbolic picture graphically which tells Bill “that I may attain ‘humility for today’ only to the extent that I am able to avoid the bog of guilt and rebellion, and that fair but deceiving land which is strewn with the coin of Pride.”

He then offers that “this is how I can find and stay on the Road to Humility which lies in between. Therefore, a constant inventory which can reveal when I am off the road is always in order.”

That seems to me to be closer to the Tenth Step than the Fourth. What follows though, is a few sentences that I can relate to what I heard recently from many folks who were “taking responsibility” for their actions but weren’t really working a Fourth Step??? It sure is one thing to speak in a meeting and sound good and another thing to go “out there” in the real world and not do the same things over again. I.E. – nothing changes if nothing changes.

“Of course, our first attempts at such inventories are apt to prove very unrealistic. I used to be a champ at unrealistic self-appraisal. I wanted to look only at the part of my life which seemed good. Then I would greatly exaggerate whatever virtues I supposed I had attained. Next I would congratulate myself on the grand job I was doing. So my unconscious self-deception never failed to turn my few good assets into serious liabilities.”

I can identify – a master of self-delusion…

“This astonishing process was always a pleasant one. Naturally this generated a terrible hankering for still more ‘accomplishments,’ and still more approval. I was falling straight back into the pattern of my drinking days.”

Please… be paying attention.

“Here were the same old goals – power, fame, and applause. Besides, I had the best alibi known – the spiritual alibi. The fact that I really did have a spiritual objective always made this utter nonsense seem perfectly right. I couldn’t tell a good coin from a bad one; it was spiritual gold-bricking at its worst. I shall forever regret the damage I did to people around me.”

The keyword is change.

Post from: Blisstree

Spiritual Gold-Bricking [Unrealistic Inventory]

Page 64 – 66;

We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were “burned up.”

Our injuries? One example;

Self-esteem: (Mr. Brown is such an a**) “Brown may get my job at the office?” Oh heck no – Brown is not better than I am! He doesn’t deserve that. I’m telling the boss. What’s that? At least Brown is here everyday without a hangover? How dare you!

As I slink away hating myself…

Another example – my wife (okay, ex-wife);

Pride – Personal Sex Relations: “Misunderstands and nags. Likes Brown. Wants house put in her name.” NO! I don’t have a problem with booze! Leave me alone! What do you mean you like Brown? He’s such an a**! Do you have something going with that idiot? Hey – I put a lot of effort into this house also! What are you trying to say? I’m never here? How dare you?

As I slink away hating myself…

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.”

Truth

Post from: Blisstree

Burned Up! Angry – Resentful!

A Fourth Step meeting. A newcomer. Not on the Fourth Step yet. “But, I’ve been thinking.”

And this is one of those times when everything after “but” is BS. You simply ought not even attempt to “do” a Fourth Step in your head!

“In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry.”

Since I don’t live in your head I can only submit my own experience. I am entirely capable of, and extremely good at, forgetting, ignoring, denying, minimizing, maximizing and losing focus. And – that’s not simply because I’m old today lol. It’s because I am an alcoholic!

My reasoning is, if you admit you are an alcoholic also, you stand an excellent chance of being like me. Therefore, our minds are not an ideal place to try to store data, data that can place our lives at stake.

Page 101 speaks to this. Talking about conditions where our minds actually come in contact with the physicality of alcohol’s existence the book says: “An alcoholic who cannot meet [these conditions], still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status.”

Newcomers who aren’t “on” their Fourth Step most likely (can’t be all inclusive) are still thinking with an alcoholic mind. When we put our thoughts on paper we are able to show them to a sponsor, a mentor, to our God, folks who can decipher them from experience and wisdom, with clear heads.

You can’t solve an alcoholic problem with the alcoholic brain that created it!

Post from: Blisstree

Set It To Paper

Looking Within

Ambivalent feelings: “Simultaneously feeling opposing or contradictory feelings.”

“By discovering what my emotional deformities are, I can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for me.”

Contentment? I’m not sure I know what the word means…

“the neuro-physiological experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one’s situation, body, and/or mind.”

Satisfaction? At Ease? Well, gotta admit (rat on the disease?) these are two conditions not very prevalent in my mind lately. There’s an answer!

“To resolve ambivalent feelings, I need to feel a strong and helpful sense of myself.”

And there’s also a challenge Let’s see if you’ve ever allowed this to happen to you – not feeling good enough? Jealous? Left out? And, btw, do you believe you’re doing the best you can with what you have, that you’re living in the spirit? Practicing whatever Step you need to today? Being good to your fellow man?

The real question is – does it still seem like life deals you a dirty hand more often than it deals you a winner, by a lot?

“Such an awareness doesn’t happen overnight, and no one’s self-awareness is permanent. Everyone has the capacity for growth, and for self-awareness, through an honest encounter with reality. When I don’t avoid issues but meet them directly, always trying to resolve them, they become fewer and fewer.”

On occasion, I’m part of the “reality bites” gang. Shoot – I can hear Matt now. “Did you drink today? NO! DAMMIT!!!

Post from: Blisstree

No One’s Self-Awareness Is Permanent