Divorced Guys: 8 Dating Rules

• Rule #1: Women want to be listened to and heard.
• Rule #2: Women expect some level of chivalry, even in our modern world.
• Rule #3: Women want compatibility, so emphasize your common ground early in the relationship.
• Rule #4: Don’t rush the physical side of the relationship.
• Rule #5: Women don’t want to hear about your ex, at least not right away.
• Rule #6: Look the part.
• Rule #7: Women are listeners, not fixers, and want their men to be the same.
• Rule #8: Women want to know if you’re NOT interested in seeing her again.

I agree with all of the rules, but some things, like men being “fixers,” that’s their nature. At some point, we’ve got to let men be men. If a guy is giving you unsolicited advice, he’s trying to be useful or helpful. Just smile politely, nod your head, and hear him out. He might have something good and if he doesn’t, so what. It doesn’t hurt to listen.

On the subject of letting a woman know when a man is not interested, well that’s never going to be a comfortable situation.  I agree that it’s polite to let someone know – nobody likes to wait and wonder – but do it gently. I went on a walking date with a guy and I thought he seemed okay, I could picture myself kissing him at some point in the future (my personal attraction measurement).  We said goodbye and then later he sent me an email saying that he enjoyed our walk, but he felt we were not a good match. He rejected me, but he didn’t embarrass me by saying to my face, hey I’m really not attracted to you. I felt that his no thank you email was a gentle approach.

I think both sexes need to avoid the ex-talk as much as possible. If you can’t stop talking about an ex, then you head is most likely full of thoughts about that person, and you probably aren’t ready to begin dating someone new. Give yourself some time to get it right and you will be doing you both a favor.

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Advice For the Divorced Man

If you are out with your girlfriends and open to meeting someone new don’t ”huddle” together. It intimidates men. I can see why it would intimidate them, but honestly, the word “huddle” brings to mind a group of giggly high school girls. Kind of a silly word.

Scan the room like Ben Roethlisberger. “Huddling behavior means they’re closed to outsiders,” says Dennie Hughes, a relationship expert and the author of Dateworthy. Your best bet is an outward-facing group or a line of women doing their own scanning. Aim for groups of three women or more, so no one ends up alone.

The idea is to charm the group and thereby charm the girl you are interested in. The guy will mirror the group’s behavior, chat about what they are watching or listening to, possibly take song requests if there’s a juke box.  It makes a lot of sense and I’m thinking it could work just as well for women. 

People say things like, “I don’t want to meet someone in a bar,” or “I would never try online dating,” or ….well there are a multitude of excuses out there. Why? Why not meet someone in a bar?  Or online?  Why not be open to meeting people anywhere, at any time?  

How about you – would you approach a group of “outward facing” men and ask them how they were enjoying the game/match/song?  Do you have rules about where it’s appropriate to meet people? If you did meet someone in a bar, would you be embarrassed to admit it? 

Post from: Blisstree

Meeting Men In Bars

Image via Wikipedia

Take this from me, girls… one who’s made this mistake on more than one occassion in the past:

Do NOT be the first one to suggest you two get on the phone or meet up face to face.

Seriously. Don’t do it. As tempting as it might be, you’re liable to totally drive him off. Don’t even hint at it.

I can hear you all gasping right now, wondering what the big deal is. Guy readers might be thinking, “But I want her to make that first move so I don’t have to,” and in some rare cases, okay I concede. But for the most part, what I’ve discovered is that guys who really get into chatting over IM are really into chatting over IM for more than just a day before deciding if they want to actually spend time with you.

I think the reason is this: Guys know that while an initial conversation can really kick ass, it doesn’t mean that every conversation will be devoid of awkward silences, and it doesn’t mean that the girl they’re talking to will be able to hold up over the long run. It’s kind of like when you go to a new restaurant and you check out the menu – everything on it looks (and sounds) fantastic. Then you narrow it down to 4 or 5 dishes, and you still have a hard time deciding which one really will be the best. You go over them, and over them, and you might be able to rule out two or three based on what kind of meat is involved (ie. not really feeling like having chicken). But you’re still unsure, so you keep reading and reading… until finally you decide to commit to one. But you don’t want the person you’re with telling you what to get. You’re sure the waitress is going to tell you that the most expensive one is the best. But when you order, and the plate comes, you know without a doubt what’s going to be on the plate, and you have an expectation… if that expectation was met, you’re happy. If it wasn’t, you’re disappointed and you vow to never go back to that restaurant again.

Okay, so it’s a long, drawn out analogy, but what I’m getting at is that guys like their time to be well spent. Even if it’s three hours on the latest version of Guitar Hero, it’s a quality three hours to them. Men tend to be less decisive than women when it comes to dating – where a woman might figure, “What the hell, it’s just one date. We can see how that goes, and go on from there,” while a man might think something along the lines of, “Geez, I’d rather be home chatting with her on IM so I can still watch my Heroes DVD.”

Now, be sure that this is of course not a rule without exception. Some guys are shy, and really do wish a girl would make that first suggestion, and by all means, if you’ve been chatting daily for a few days or longer, and you just can’t take it anymore, you can say something like, “Gee, it’s kind of silly we’re spending so much time at a computer when we could share a meal with this great conversation.” And I’d even go so far as to say that if it gets to that point and he doesn’t bite the bait, you might consider that he’s really not as interested in dating you as you might’ve thought. In that case, there’s nothing wrong with letting a friendship flourish naturally but it’s probably best you keep looking.

Yes, there are many more mistakes women make with online dating, I’m well aware of that. But I’ve personally experienced no less than three times this particular situation, and it ended with him all of the sudden “phasing out” the chatting. He goes “invisible” so you don’t send the first message, and eventually you never hear from him again. Odd, yes. Game playing, maybe. Disappointing, definitely. Are you better equipped now that you’re thinking about it, and will be the next time you’re chatting with a new hottie? You know it.

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Post from: Blisstree

Ladies: Avoid this mistake like the plague!

Image via Wikipedia

To break it down to smaller statements, here we go…

Superman: the quintessential “nice guy” — he’s loyal, believes that people are inherently good, and is always ready to save the day. The problem-solver, the knight in shining armor, you get the idea.

Spider-Man: the underdog of all superheroes. As Peter Parker, he’s sensitive, completely responsible, and a bit nerdy. Chances are he’s emotionally open, never late, and always feels the need to the do the right thing. He might be kind of uptight though, so help him chill out sometimes by not being too expectant of his super spidey sense.

Batman: drives a badass car, dates supermodels, and is rolling in dough – he’s got a tendency to be a loner, not trust people, and be more of an “avenger” type – wanting to pay back those who have hurt him. Not entirely terrible I suppose, but it can be really hard to get close to this guy.

The Hulk: goes from the quiet, reserved Bruce Banner to the big, green Hulk whenever he gets pissed off. Kind of scary, but basically just means that if your guy gets worked up easily, it’s probably best to give him time to chill out before attacking the problem, else there could be a fight and a big credit card bill at his favorite clothing store.

A lot of people in the comments section bemoaned the fact that they didn’t mention Captain America, The Green Lantern, Wolverine, The Human Torch, etc. One woman mentioned Wonder Woman, which I thought was cool, despite being overtly… female-targeted.

I’d love to hear what you guys thing about this, do you think it says a lot about a guy’s personality based on his favorite superhero? What about if a woman’s favorite isn’t Wonder Woman or whats-her-face from the X-Men, but rather Superman or Batman?

My best friend has an affinity for Batman, for example. She thinks he’s the hottest thing in the world, and based on what this article says about emotional unavailability, fast cars (or in her case, roller coasters), and so on… it actually is kind of correct. However I think rather than being Batman (or Catwoman, or what have you), her admiration is purely erm… physical. He’s dark, brooding, and has lots of rubber-coated muscles.

What do you think? Guys, who’s your favorite superhero? Ladies, who’s your man’s favorite, and do these character traits apply?

Post from: Blisstree

What his favorite superhero can tell you.

Today Brett told me that they were all coming down on him. The girls were cranky all weekend, his Grandma was in tears just before work, and he and his wife had a “major blow-up” first thing in the morning. Brett likes to live a simple life. He takes care of his Grandma and his family, he works a few part-time jobs a day, and he’s been riding his bike all over town in an attempt to save on fuel costs. His wife, he can’t talk her into biking and it’s been a sore spot for them lately. She likes to do things like go out to lunch with her girlfriends. She also likes margaritas, but their blender is broken – I’m serious, this is something he has mentioned a few times, she really, really misses those margaritas. I say break down and buy a new blender – margaritas for some peace, man.

Brett is feeling a bit put upon. He said this to me today, “I have no faults. No bad habits. I don’t drink or smoke or gamble………” He also said this to me, “I told my wife, ‘we’ve been married for 15 years and we have the same fight over and over. We say the same words. We make the same points. The same fight. Over and over. I’m tired of this, I want to…..’” Here’s where I think he’s going to say something along the lines of “a break,” “a divorce,” something that signals that he’s had it, because he is very upset, but he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says he wants an end to the fight, he wants to solve the problem. This man, he would never think that of a break or leaving his marriage. He is married for life. He really doesn’t have any faults.

When I have a problem, I want out of the problem and too often that the way out of the problem is just plain out of the situation. I give up too easily. I think that in my relationship, some things need to change, but I think I need to stop looking for that handy door to freedom every time I get pissed. Even if this relationship does not work out, learning to dig in and see something through would benefit me in other areas. I need to lose a few faults, maybe be more like Brett, but with a working blender, because I really, really love my margaritas.  

Post from: Blisstree

I Know A Man With No Faults

Men’s Health Magazine has an online Men’s Health TV edition with helpful videos. He can learn the best way to produce a sexy and not over-powering scent, how to use email to woo his woman, or why he should skip the texting and use his phone for a call if he’s looking to bump up the intimacy in his relationship.

In addition to relationship tips, Men’s Health also covers fitness, nutrition, and how-tos.  Each video is a quick minute long – just right for a quick brush-up before an important date.

Post from: Blisstree

Quick Relationship and Sex Help For Men

Check out the post and LEARN, men! Guys: 5 Sexual Techniques to Make Her Wild with Desire

Post from: Blisstree

Guys: 5 Sexual Techniques to Make Her Wild with Desire

So, yes, they ask the question, they just phrase it different.

All my life I’ve witnessed guys walking around shirtless, despite less than perfect bodies, sometimes with full-on prominent guts displayed for all the world to see. I assumed this meant that men did not give much thought to how they looked or more specifically – they didn’t sweat the beer belly. I was wrong.

What percentage of men worry about body image? “One body-image study found that 45 percent of men were dissatisfied with their physiques; women were only slightly less satisfied at 55 percent,” according to a study mentioned in a 6 part article on Male Body Image — Infoplease.com, by Alice Potter.

Reading Zimmerman’s piece, it gave me a lot to think about. I feel like this information gave me some peek into the psyche of man, like it let one of their well-guarded secrets slip and I feel more powerful because I now have the knowledge that men can be just as uptight as women when it comes to looks. Maybe men and women aren’t as different as originally thought? They look might look rough and tough, but I’ve learned a few things over my years of living and working with both big men and the little men I see every day at school. It’s this – they have feelings, too, much as they try to hide them. So, as I warn my daughters, “Be gentle with boys, because the can be very fragile.”

Post from: Blisstree

Do Men Worry About What They See When They Look In the Mirror?