The Daily Reflection for May 20th and a direct quote from “As Bill Sees It” – One Day At A Time

“Above all, take it one day at a time.”

How about that? Amazing…

“Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live?”

Phew! That’s a heck of a question, isn’t it?

“I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober.”

And that is a perfectly sensible and wise answer, certainly not middle-of-the-road psycho-babble… followed by;

“If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won’t drink when I have no idea what the future may hold?”

One more sensible question.

“On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more!”

One more damn good answer – from our literature!

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One Day At A Time

From page 57 in the 12&12;

“Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong. Either we were shy, and dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy good fellows craving attention and companionship, but never getting it – at least to our way of thinking. There was always that mysterious barrier we could neither surmount nor understand. It was as if we were actors on a stage, suddenly realizing that we did not know a single line of our parts. That’s one reason we loved alcohol too well. It did let us act extemporaneously. But even Bacchus boomeranged on us; we were finally struck down and left in terrified loneliness.”

Take a good look at this dude…

That’s our boy!

Dionysus, otherwise known as Bacchus. Here’s some talk about him;

“Walt Disney has depicted the character on a number of occasions. The first such portrayal of Dionysus was in the “Pastoral” segment of Walt Disney’s 3rd classic Fantasia. He is portrayed as an overweight drunk man who rides a drunken donkey; wears a tunic and cloak, and grape leaves on his head; and carries a goblet of wine. He is friends with the fauns and centaurs, and is shown celebrating a harvest festival. Other portrayals have appeared in both the Disney movie and spin-off TV series of Hercules. He was depicted as an overweight drunkard as opposed to his youthful descriptions in myths. He has bright pink skin and rosy red cheeks hinting at his drunkenness. He always carries either a bottle or glass of wine in his hand, and like in the myths, wears a wreath of grape leaves upon his head. He is known by his roman name in the series ‘Bacchus’, and in one episode headlines his own festival known as the ‘Bacchanal’.”

Geez – he went so far that he wore a wreath of grape leaves on his head? Yeah, he was one of us

[This image has been (or is hereby) released into the public domain by its author, Ryan Freisling at the English Wikipedia project. This applies worldwide.]

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Bacchus Boomeranged On Us

From today’s Daily Reflection;

“Whatever is done is over.” Simple, easy statement that irked me. Oh heck no, its not over! One unreimbursed rental coming up! For days on end… weeks, perhaps even months or years. It would bounce around in the gray matter and never get resolved. Kept me awake at night and determined my attitude towards me, you and my loved ones. Fueled my unending excuses to drink.

“It cannot be changed. But my attitude about it can be changed through talking with those who have gone before and with sponsors.”

Didn’t have motivation to speak with anyone for a very long time. Didn’t want to hear any nature of solution. I was happy with the anger. It identified me.

“I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. I won’t have to wish the past away. I can change my feelings and attitudes, but only through my actions and the help of my fellow alcoholics.”

The irony? I have changed my actions and my attitude. I became motivated to alter my actions and my thinking because I eventually wind up in enough pain over what I had done to those I loved. The self-hatred overflowed and the only way to stem it was alcohol – until that stopped working. And I still hated myself for the harm I perpetrated, especially on “her.” I find sobriety, I change, develop hope and they change also – except the way they change is: their anger gets worse, their hatred of me gets worse, their negative judgment of me gets worse. I drank, they lived with me. I don’t drink anymore, they can’t live with me.

God and I have a straaaaaange relationship. And – there’s no booze on my breath. Go figure…

Post from: Blisstree

Whatever Is Done Is Over

Dr. Paul O’s Step Study Program

The guide begins with;

“Welcome to The Land of Beginning Again! If you aren’t satisfied with the way your life has been going and you’d like to chuck the whole thing and start all over again, then you hold in your hand a tool for doing just that and for doing it right this time. Beginning again, in the opinion of the editor, is what the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are all about.”

Folks, if you think will power, rather than the Twelve Steps, will work on your alcoholism (or any other disease arrested by the Twelve Steps), then, please, by all means, try to eat a box of Ex-Lax and try your will power on that!

But for those of you who might truly be real alcoholics (or, again, apply the Twelve Steps of your recovery group), this is the deal!

I can’t reproduce here what this guide offers, the space is simply not enough. Click through to Dr. Paul’s guide and scroll down past the halfway point to where it says: Fourth Step Guide

If you follow these directions, I’m sure you’ll be a bit surprised once you come to the end and discover you’ve done a Fifth Step, perhaps without realizing that you have.

I’d also suggest you read through the questions presented as each meeting with the group is given, such as for the first meeting;

• Are you aware that your illness affected both your mind and your body?
• Do you believe or can you accept the concept of an allergic reaction to alcohol?
• What is an allergy?
• Do you agree with the idea of hospitalization?
• Have you ever experienced the phenomenon of craving? (page XXV)
• Did you like the effect of alcohol?
• Did you reach the point where you could not differentiate “the true from the false”?
• Did your alcoholic life seem normal?
• The doctor seems to say that a “psychic change” must occur. What is a psychic change?
• Can you accept the fact that alcoholism “has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated?”

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How To Do A Fifth Step

5th STEP Prayer

God I thank you from the bottom of my heart that I know you better. Help me become aware of anything I have omitted discussing with another person. Help me to do what is necessary to walk a free man at last. AMEN

(p. 75 BB)

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5th Step Prayer

Don H. would tell us when he shared that “AA has changed. Used to be that you’d throw your problems out on the table in a meeting then you’d wait to hear the solution. Now, you throw your problems out on the table and then go out and have a cigarette. You don’t wait for the answer. I wouldn’t mind if you’d throw your problems out if you’d just tell me what you’re going to do about them!”

Lest you attempt to diminish Don – he died with 55 years sober and was a direct descendant of some of the first 100 members of AA – so, don’t. I had come to know and have a world of respect for him. He taught me a lot. I was not alone…

“We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path.”

It does not say “find a new woman,” for that bonehead who mentioned that was what he was here for. It says a new relationship with our Creator. I understand Creator as my God. You might perceive it somewhat differently. I no longer see a woman as my God! (If you’re a woman, you ought not see a man as your God!) I no longer worship booze either! (If you knew God before AA why did you worship booze instead?)

“We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action… This brings us to the Fifth Step…”

“Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him… He is under constant fear and tension – that makes for more drinking.”

I know that someone observed me. Now that I’m thinking about it, it is, once again, something I regret deeply. I did incredible harm to a person I was telling I loved. Why did I do it? I found that out in my Fourth Step. The reason I did it will now be “cast out.” I haven’t done it again. It is no longer one of the endless excuses to drink.

There is a rule in the Fifth Step. Do you know what it is?

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The Fifth Step

From the 12&12 of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55;

“So intense, though, is our fear and reluctance to do this (talk to somebody), that many A.A.’s at first try to bypass Step Five. We search for an easier way – which usually consists of the general and fairly painless admission that when drinking we were sometimes bad actors. Then, for good measure, we add dramatic descriptions of that part of our drinking behavior which our friends probably know about anyhow.”

You know, stuff exactly like what we did in those glorious gin mills we hung out in…

Somewhere along the way, early on, I more than likely did what many do – go one step further by bragging about their exploits when drinking! I’ve got to tell ya’ – we’re not impressed! Great drunk-a-logue! When do ya’ get sober???

Then, the current twist for a newcomer who isn’t working at changing – “went to a bar the other night and made it through the whole night and didn’t drink!”

We’re still not impressed!

Got a few meetings under your belt and now, out of nowhere, you have some kind of power over alcohol eh? Page 56 tells us more about you. It says: “Few muddled attitudes have caused us more trouble… They will tell how they tried to carry the load alone; how much they suffered of irritability, anxiety, remorse, and depression.”

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Bragging Not Allowed!

Many people mistake activity for action. I think Fr. Martin relates it somewhat like this: I have to do a Fifth Step. Admit it to God, to myself and another human being. Well, I’ll go to another meeting and share about it there. And then another meeting, and another, etc. Hopefully you’ll get the idea.

That’s not action, that’s activity!

It is my personal belief that the Fifth Step is where I discovered what a master of self-delusion I am. Not only is going to more meetings to avoid actually doing a Fifth Step not action, it is really a disguised form a self-appraisal and therefore, insufficient. Which is why we must pay attention to our basic text!

Page 72;

“We have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects.”

In a rough way means we have refining to do.

“We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further.”

This brings to my mind what quite a few folks have been using lately – a new profundity – “you can’t fix a problem with the mind that made it.” I doubt that was true for folks like Einstein but for us alkies I’m rather certain of its veracity…

“We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.”

That last statement deserves undivided, clear attention!

“If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.”

Our Big Book follows up with something that has sadly been so true in my experience observing others;

“Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost inevitably they got drunk.”

Activity is an easier method. Any “easier” method which isn’t outlined in our basic text also, imho, means that whoever is employing another method has taken to re-writing our Big Book which means a level of arrogance beyond that which I exhibited. Try to pay attention to, and then call them on it, the folks who, in their arrogance, think somehow they can replace the author’s names with theirs…

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Activity Does Not Equal Action

Today’s reflection speaks to page 124 in our basic text;

“Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.”

And the “response” reads;

“No longer is my past an autobiography, it is a reference book to be taken down, opened and shared. Today as I report for duty, the most wonderful picture comes through. For, though this day be dark – as some days must be – the stars will shine even brighter later. My witness that they do shine will be called for in the very near future. All my past will this day be a part of me, because it is the key, not the lock.”

As I report for duty? Oh yeah – suit up and show up eh?

My first Fourth Step was attempted without a sponsor. It became an autobiography and didn’t last two pages before I tore it up. I discovered later, with a sponsor, that I had something I didn’t know about that could have been very damaging. I’m thankful I tore it up. Then, later, followed instructions and did it with a sponsor.

I had a resentment towards my mother. That threw me when I was told. Bottom line is it was true because I was pi**ed that she never, in my childish mind, did anything to keep my father at bay, to appease his anger, to get him to stop the beatings. Hell, she even took part in them, unknowingly. She was a perfect example of an Al-Anon without Al-Anon.

And I still love her. She didn’t know. She was affected by this disease and wasn’t in her right mind either.

So, I got a sponsor and worked a fearless and thorough Fourth Step.

Then I sat down with Fr. Tom over a couple of months because his time was at such a premium, and did my Fifth Step. And that SOB just sat there and had the “hinge working” as I read these 27 pages to him waiting for the “Oh My God, you did that???” expression. It never came. He just simply nodded, occasionally saying “yeah, I did that too” and when it was over he told me to go to confession.

Shoot – and I thought I was the worst…

Now I get the opportunity to pass this on to you!!! So, listen up!!!

Post from: Blisstree

Report For Duty – Suit Up And Show Up