Elizabeth Edwards' new book will be released May 8

My mind moved with my body in tow through the distance of two rooms, to the open doorway of the bedroom where my mother used to sleep. The bed was empty and I heard my father through the bathroom door. He was retching. It was an awful sound, low and monotone, and I sobbed there, like a baby, on the hallway floor because life was supposed to be different for us.  

(My father tells me now he did not throw up. He was brushing his teeth and sometimes when he brushes his tongue he gags himself and makes that horrible retching sound. I’d rather believe the news of Mom’s death made him sick to his stomach because it’s more endearing that way. But, whatever.)

As idiotic as it sounds, when I read the reports of Elizabeth Edward’s interview on Oprah (scheduled for Thursday), and how she spoke about her husband’s affair, I understood when she said her reaction to her husband’s confession was to cry, scream and vomit. It brought me back to that day, when my mother died and my father threw up, because life had changed forever and ever.

And sometimes you just don’t want it to change. 

John Edwards broke my heart, too. He was supposed to be my president. I had chosen him before 2004, before he played second fiddle to John Kerry. And I was a bigger supporter when he ran again in 2008. I read a story in the New York Times magazine how he would serve as a champion to the underprivileged because, though he is insanely wealthy now, he hails from a humble background. I saw visions of Robert Kennedy in him. He was my candidate; (although my son was determined Obama would win). When Edwards withdrew just before Super Tuesday, so did I, temporarily.

I respected his love for his wife. And she won me over by being solid and loyal. There is no denying he is the more attractive of the two, but he seemed to look beyond that. And when the rumors began to circulate that John was having an affair, I refused to believe them because the John I know is good and honest and loves his wife with a passion – his cancer-survivor wife. The one who hid the lump in her breast as Kerry gave his concession speech to the world.

I don’t blame her for sticking with him, for trying to hold tight to that life she knew before the affair. But life is changed forever for her, like it changed more than a decade ago when her oldest son tragically died, and again in 2004, when she discovered she had breast cancer. Life rarely goes as expected. It sends you to great highs and treacherous lows. How one manages to hold on during those times and keep her sanity says a lot about a person.

I think that must be the value of being Resilient.

Photo, Barnes & Noble

Post from: Blisstree

In Defense of Elizabeth Edwards

Seriously?  ”Life is short” and you are going to spend part of it doing something that leads to wasting a large part of it plotting and lying and feeling guilty?  You couldn’t just… I don’t know… eat donut?  Buy yourself something over-priced?  Wouldn’t pretty much anything be a better way to cheat ?

“The World’s Premier Discreet Dating Service” has more than 3.5 million members. There are approximately 8.5 men for every 1.5 women, but due to the “points” system that Ashley Madison uses, they say “…one out of every 10 men actually purchases credits enabling them to contact female members, the probable ratio is closer to 1-1.” 

I’m curious about your opinion – if people sign up for an online dating services that is focused on people meeting up for an affair (sex), then would the Ashley Madison Agency be guilty, in a sense, of pimping or pandering?  If not legally, what about morally? 

There’s even a guarantee - take a look at this:

Under the AshleyMadison.com Affair Guarantee Program, …if you don’t find someone within the initial 3 months after purchasing the “Affair Guarantee” Membership Package, we’ll refund you $249, being the amount you paid for participating in the Program…”

If you’ve got to work so hard that you actually buy a guarantee, then why not just get out of your marriage and openly meet someone?  I’m sorry, I just don’t get cheating.

 Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

What Is Your Opinion – Online Cheating

Now it’s 2009, his wife is suing him for divorce, and Batista wants his kidney back…..or the sum of $1.5 million. Mrs. Batista filed for divorce, back in 2005, 4 years after the kidney donation and transplant. Dr. Batista alleges that his wife had an affair – that’s the reasoning for his demand. He claims that the affair was conducted with Dawnell’s phyiscal therapist.  Mrs. Batista denies having the affair and she’s seeking a gag order, because the way that the case is playing out in the public – Dr. Batista held a press conference – is hurting and embarrassing the couple’s 3 young daughters.

Jill Stone, the law guardian for the couple’s three daughters – ages 14, 11 and 8 – also requested a gag order, saying the media blitz has embarrassed the girls and made it hard for them to go to school.

Richard Batista’s lawyer, Dominic Barbara, said the surgeon was “godlike” for giving his kidney to his wife.

He said his client has the right to speak publicly about what he has been through.

“He wants to tell the world what happened in this case because it’s a tragedy,” the lawyer said. “This is a man who put his life on the line, and his wife treated him like a piece of dirt, garbage.”

This does sound like a very sad case and I can understand the man’s anger about the end of his marriage, but I cannot see how he thinks he will come out the winner here. His marriage ended almost 4 years ago and at some point it would be healthy for him to let go and move on. An affair sucks, yes, but she is the mother of his children – she is not a simple acquaintance. Even if they are no longer partners in marriage, they are still partners in parenting. 

I am divorced. I have 3 children. My ex-husband has paid child support probably six times in the 16 years since we split. My ex-husband slept with my ex-best friend. My ex-husband charged 4 tires and rims to his new girlfriend less than two weeks after he left our home on our joint account. I could go on and on…… My ex-husband was not a good husband and that’s why he is my EX husband. Can you imagine what a mess I would be if I held onto my anger for all of these years?  It wouldn’t hurt him – it would hurt me. And my kids.

I hope that Dr. Batista backs off this kidney claim. I hope that he remembers that when he did it, he did it to save the life of his partner. That was a generous and noble thing to do and I feel that it’s unfortunate that he chose to dishonor that move in this way. 

I keep thinking about what will happen after this is settled and the story dies down. How will Dr. Batista’s daughters feel about their parents?  How will this color how they make future decisions about their own personal relationships?  Does his anger give him the right to hurt the girls in this way?  Is he justified in doing this?  When a family breaks up, it’s horrible. I can remember feeling like a crazy person for a whole year after my marriage split and letting go was honestly the healthiest thing that I have ever done.

Hurting Mrs. Batista, it’s not going to make him feel better in the long run, not when he stops to look at the damage he’s left in his wake. 

Steve, my last man, is still angry at his ex-wife and it’s been 5 years since his marriage broke up due to an affair. He’s actively mad at her, all the time. He sees decisions that she makes, for example moving, as a way to get back at him. He honestly believes that she moved so that he would have to drive farther to pick up the kids on his weekends.  I find it so odd and unhealthy the way he holds onto that anger. It does not hurt her. It hurts him. Maybe if he would stop seeing the world as something that is against him, he’d allow himself to find some lasting happiness.

Post from: Blisstree

Give Me Back My Kidney – Angry Husband Wants His Kidney Returned In Divorce Settlement

He claims to have admitted the affair to his wife some time ago. Elizabeth Edwards gave a statement to the Associated Press, wherein she briefly describes that recovering from the affair has been “a long and painful process.” She wants privacy while her family heals. I respect her need for privacy, her attempt to protect her family and her marriage.

I’m not going to judge his wife. I have a lot of respect for her and I can’t imagine how painful it must be to deal with a betrayal of this magnitude in such a public way. I don’t have the same respect for John Edwards. Cheating sucks and lying in the face of proof (witnesses to meetings with his former mistress Rielle Hunter ) is incredibly arrogant and completely ruins his credibility. He admits to making a mistake, says that basically the attention he was getting made him feel invulnerable to rules the rest of us are bound to, but his previous denials and the manner in which he presented them, calling the stories about his affair “tabloid trash,” lead me to believe he’s more defensive than actually sorry.

In addition, it is my opinion that he had no business continuing in the 2008 presidential race as a possible vice presidential candidate. His poor choices could have cost the Democrats the race.

Post from: Blisstree

John Edwards Admits To Affair