When you’re tired (getting adequate sleep as a full time caregiver becomes challenging), juggling many roles (especially if you’re a mom as well as cargiver) and taking care of a home, possibly even working outside, frustrations come to the foreground more easily.  So leaning to keep your cook becomes important so that you don’t fall into the abuse trap.

A British study reveals that Many Alzheimer’s Caregivers Admit to Abusive Behavior.  This generally was verbal abuse rather than the physical type.  Yelling, swearing, threatening and screaming insults were some reported that the caregivers wished they hadn’t done afterward, but in the frustration of the moment did.

Similar studies have not been done in the United States, according to the article.  So the incidence of abuse is known to a lesser degree.   

If you need suggestions on how to deal with this situation:

• Check with a local Alzheimer’s support group in your area. 
• Find ways to care for yourself and eleviate your stress. 
• Find time for yourself away from the caregiving situation. 
• Don’t feel you’re the only one who can care for the Alzheimer’s patient.
• Look for small joys.
• Learn to laugh at the situatiions…with the Alzheimer’s patient and with your family.

What have you found that works?

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Keeping Your Cool as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

Yes, often if you talk with your Alzheimer’s family member about places, persons, things and events, they will remember more. These may be bits and pieces of memories that you’ll enjoy jotting down or recording for family history, too.  Sometimes they will be lengthy stories.  You also may find that the Alzheimer’s patient thinks he/she is back in that memory world.

Also, pull out some pictures, either actual family photos or simply pictures in magazines. These often will jog memories and initiate conversations.

I learned to enjoy my “memory trips” with Mother and Auntie.  When Mother’s memory was still accurate, I write down much of what she was telling me so that I could share with my family and record for our family legacy.

(Incidentally….visit Krista’s Alzheimer’s Team blog.  You’ll find comfort and encouragement as she and others share with you the tears and laughter, frustrations and joys of caring for someone with Alzheimer’s.)

Post from: Blisstree

Helping Your Alzheimer’s Patient Create Memories

In recognition of   National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month, the Health & Wellness Channel has initiated a project.  Various bloggers are writing posts revolving around the Twelve Steps of Recovery designated by Alcoholics Anonymous.  The bloggers have selected one or more steps to write about in relation to their own blog topic.  Then Liz Lewis at Healthbolt will compile them.

Although I didn’t participate by writing about any of the steps, I considered how this topic might relate to Alzheimer’s patients.  Do they become addicted because they are prescribed medications, depressants, stress relievers to enable them to cope?

When my mother was very agitated, even hostile, at the first nursing home where she stayed, her doctor prescribed a sedative that would calm her down.  I was new in dealing with a situation like hers, so thought her doctor and the home administrator would know best how to deal with it.

Then when that nursing home had financial difficulties and closed, I had to move Mother to another.  There they told me they used such medications only as a last resort and weaned Mother off the sedative.  She didn’t become more alert, nor could she coordinate her movements any better. But she wasn’t any worse without the medication.  Also, she seemed to stay at that plateau for quite awhile.

Could Mother have become addicted?  Would she have become an zombie but I thought it  Alzheimer’s.  I’m not saying she was over medicated.  But there was the possibility of this happening.  Do some patients need some medication?  Yes, but we, as caregivers need to enlighten ourselves and discover the various options.

For additional information, you may want to check out the series of articles at The Tangled Neuron about Beyond Drugs: Other Ways to Treat Alzheimer’s and Dementia.

(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Can Alzheimer’s Patients Become Addicted?

One of the most frustrating aspects of caring for an Alzheimer’s family member or one with some form of dementia is their lack of need for sleep at night and their wandering when you want to sleep.  I found I cat napped and never slept soundly for the months Mother lived with us.

One of my Alzheimer’s Notes readers shares with us and asks for a solution:

I have a friend whose mother also has mild dementia and when she takes her turn at caring for her mother, she is up all night long.

We have had many conversations about what she and her sisters can do because they get no rest at all when they care for their mother. It is very frustrating for them and they have not yet come up with an answer.

Possibilities:

• Share the caregiving and try to alternate nights.  Or alternate day and night duties. This isn’t always possible, but see what you can work out.

• Talk with someone at a nursing home and see what they do. 

• Limit the area they can access at night.  I blocked off the stairs, the kitchen, and the office so there was only Mother’s sleeping area, living room, and bathroom available. 

• We locked the doors, so she couldn’t get outside.

• Put out snacks, magazines, and other items that might interest her in an area where there is a light on.

Do you have any suggestions?

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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

How Do You Sleep When Alzheimer’s Patients Wander?

As youngsters get ready to return to school (and some schools already have started), there may be apprehension.  Grace at  Kids Health Notes has some tips and resources for parents and children that may help make this day easier and even enjoyable. 

Do you have any suggestions or helpful resources for going back to school that work in your home?  Do you have any extra juggling because you have an Alzheimer’s family member in your home?

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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Back-to-School Tips for Caregivers & Kids

Tea time is a sharing time so I’ll be sharing my thoughts and those of readers who contribute through their comments.  We’re sitting down to a “virtual” tea party and finding encouragement from one another in the Alzheimer’s caregiver journey.

Dixie left this message, and I think many of you can relate:

I am a nurse at an Alzheimer’s Care facility.
I see the daily struggles and heartache that families go through. I have always thought that Alzheimer’s is one of the diseases that affects the whole family-perhaps more so than any other, on so many levels.  

It is true that Alzheimer’s affects family members differently and on many levels.  Each one struggles with this illness in their own way.  It’s also comforting to realize that nurse caregivers, like Dixie, have an understanding of what families are going through and thus can help them cope.

Join our tea parties and share with us in the comments below.

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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Tea Time at Alzheimer’s Notes – Caregivers Sharing

When Alzheimer’s patients can’t communicate, it often becomes very difficult to tell when they’re in pain, when they don’t understand, or when they’re being obstinate.  Are there any clues or signs we should look for?

Marijke Durning, of Help My Hurt, has some suggestions:

You need to be observant and pick up on body and nonverbal cues; some are obvious, others may not be.

Check out her post for suggestions: If someone can’t talk – how do they tell you they have pain?

(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Recognizing Pain in Alzheimer’s Patients

Finding opportunities for summer fun (vacations, days at the beach, barbeques with friends, attending the latest movie) often seem limited for Alzheimer’s caregivers.  They’re tied to the home caring for a person they find it difficult to take out with them.  Or it requires a great deal of work to plan and accomplish, whether you’re arranging for care when you’re away or taking them along.

*Plan more backyard and at-home activities that the Alzheimer’s patient can watch (or stay in their room if they desire).  More people are aware of Alzheimer’s disease and are more accepting of someone with Alzheimer’s than when Mother and Auntie were ill.

*If you have relatives living nearby, arrange exchanges with them.  Sometimes relatives living at a distance will take the Alzheimer’s family member for a week or more.  (This also makes them realize the difficulties you face in your caregiving.)

*See if there is a daycare near you that will take Alzheimer’s patitnes.   When Mother was living with me, I was fortunate to find a local nursing home that took people for day time care.  I also was able to make arrangements for her to stay overnightthere  when I had to be away for the weekend.

*Sometimes the local senior center has daycare facilities if your patient isn’t too advanced with Alzheimer’s.

*Check with the senior center, support groups, local home health agency, your church, etc. to see if there is anyone you can engage to stay with your family member.  (Something like checking out resources for babysitters when you have children.) 

Do you have solutions you’ve found that enable you to get away...for an afternoon, an evening, or a week?

Check out these posts for more ”at-home” summer fun:

Time Travel Experiences for Alzheimer’s Households

13 Summer Projects for Caregivers, Alzheimer’s Patients & Children

Snowballs in July – An Activity for Alzheimer’s Caregivers’ Children & Grandma to Watch

Panda Picture Books

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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Alzheimer’s Caregivers: Finding Opportunities for Summer Fun

Do you refuse to let siblings and others care for your parent or spouse because you think there will be negative effects?

Do you complain about the stress and strain of caring for an Alzheimer’s family member, yet won’t look into respite care and continually find reasons why it won’t work?

In other words…Are You a Caregiver Martyr?

You may not be aware that you are.  You may think only you can care for this person.  Yes, they may complain if you change their routine, if you aren’t at their “beck and call” or leave them with someone else for awhile. 

However, take stock of the situation and realize the change may be good for both of you.

Consider whether you really have to do everything yourself (sometimes there is no choice or very little alternative) or whether this gives you an opportunity for people to feel sorry for you. 

So….ask for help.  Seek ways to make the caregiving easier for you…for your sake and for the patient’s sake. 

(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

An Alzheimer’s Caregiver Martyr – Are You One of These?

Alzheimer’s disease is not always an isolated diagnosis.  You may be dealing with other illnesses and disabilities as well.  One of these could be breast cancer which the patient may have encountered before Alzheimer’s. Or she could have developed it while her memory was fading.

Also, often the caregiver and/or other family members have health problems., which makes the caretaking more difficult.

My aunt, who developed Alzheimer’sand ultimately became my responsibility (as well as my mom with Alzheimer’s) had experienced colon cancer several years before.  Surgery resulted, and fortunately Auntie didn’t have a recurrence.

My mom had some lesions on her face that required removal.  The doctor said they were malignant.  Did I want further treatment?  What happens when you have to make a decision like that about an Alzheimer’s patient?

Since Mother was in the very advanced stage of Alzheimer’s, it seemed more traumatic for her to undergo radiation or chemotherapy than to maintain the status quo.  Just moving her around the nursing home often confused and panicked her. 

 So I prayed and discussed with my family, then chose to let Mother remain as she was.  The cancer didn’t progress any further and no new lesions appeared before her death about six months later from heart failure.

However, often you have decisions to make about illnesses, which could include breast cancer, for the Alzheimer’s patient.  They can be decisions that present a challenge and about which other family members have differing opinions.

Karen Lynch writes Pink Ribbon Review  at b5 about breast cancer.  You also may want to read Karen’s survivor story.

Are you facing more than Alzheimer’s in your caregiving role…either with your patient or yourself?  Perhaps your story will help others if you share.

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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen

Post from: Blisstree

Are You Dealing with Breast Cancer as Well as Alzheimer’s?