People react to the death of a loved one in many ways. Lauren Kessler’s way was to try and understand more about the disease that killed her mother. To do so, she got a job as a caregiver at a residential Alzheimer’s facility in Oregon. Her book, Dancing with Rose, documents her time spent there as a caregiver to patients with various degrees of Alzheimer’s.

Read these essays by Lauren…

Bridging the Gap

Seeing Instead of Watching

Check out these book reviews…

Life in the land of Alzheimer’s

Seeing Mom’s Humanity First, Instead of Her Disease

“Dancing with Rose” more heartening, thought-provoking than painful

Can you see why I think this book is worth reading?

Post from: Blisstree

Book: ‘Dancing with Rose’ by Lauren Kessler.

 These evoked memories, as well as information I can share with my readers, like the quote from Mother’s notes about her feeding her sister with Alzheimer’s.  Another was a calendar with reminders for Mother.  

As Mother became more forgetful, we had to develop a method for helping her keep track of what was going on in her life.  I would discuss with her what was on the agenda for the next week, until I could travel the 275 miles to see her again.  Then I’d jot it on the calendar.

Mother added her notes.  She could remember family birthdays and anniversaries and always wrote them down.  The calendar I found the other day was a brief synopsis of her life during one year.    My visits,  doctor’s appointments, trips to see her sister in the nursing home, holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, and other occasions that made up her life at that time.

Mother kept this calendar on the kitchen table where she would peruse it.  This seemed to help keep her focused when her world was getting out of focus.  She didn’t remember everything and sometimes wondered why particular notes were written on the calendar.  However, this was one method I found helpful for both of us in charting our journey through Alzheimer’s.

       (Your calendar might be a simple wall calendar or you could use a notebook or planner type.  If instructions were detailed, I did use a note pad where I wrote these down for Mother.  Often she’d add her ideas and doodles.)

Post from: Blisstree

Keeping a Calendar for Alzheimer’s Patients

“Don’t look at me,” he remarked.  “Look at Mother!”

Sure enough, my mom was happily munching my hamburger, having finished hers.

This became a challenge at meal time.  Mother might finish something she liked, then look around for more, not realizing my plate or Jim’s wasn’t a platter for her to select from.  This also became a problem at the nursing home I used for day care. She either helped her neighbors cut their meat or took it for her own.  Finally they sat her at a TV tray by herself, yet in the dining room.

I recall my aunt’s love of sweets as she journeyed into Alzheimer’s.  This also didn’t help her diabetes, which generally could be controlled by watching her diet, not medication. 

When she lived with my mom, who was showing the initial signs of Alzheimer’s, I became involved in Auntie’s care.  We had to hide sweets so Auntie wouldn’t find them and eat too much.  Her judgment about food choices was like a child’s

But I recall her delight when we could let her indulge…the beaming smile that lit her face as she observed an eclair on her plate. 

Tea parties with Mother created fond memories for my grandchildren and me.  Mother had a custom (handed down from her mother) of offering a cup of tea whenever someone visited her home.  She and I often chatted over tea and snacks and caught up on family news.  So it seemed natural to continue this practice in the nursing home.

My grandchildren soon looked forward to “tea parties with Great Grandma.”  We’d bring muffins or cookies, perhaps cheese and crackers, with us and make tea at the nurses’ station.  Or I might pick up something at the nearby fast food restaurant and get the children kiddie meals.

When Mother became increasingly unable to feed herself, we had to do it.  One day I wasn’t paying attention so my 6-year old granddaughter reminded, “Nanny, feed your mother.”  It seemed the most natural activity to Kara that we did this so Great Grandma could enjoy the party, too.

Perhaps you can initiate a tea party or some other activity involving food for your family and family member with Alzheimer’s.  These make for wonderful memories, too.

Post from: Blisstree

Food Memories of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

From one of my newsletters to family after she came to live with Jim and me – “Mother does get up more and more throughout the night and wanders around the house or gets confused about where the bathroom is, where her bed is, etc.  So I never get a full night’s sleep.  Sometimes I’m up with her as much as three times a night.  That begins to wear on me after awhile. 

As a friend told me when we moved Mother here, one has no idea how extremely exhausting it an be to care for a parent who needs the type of care Mother does.  [This lady had cared for her father at home for a number of years.]

Mother also can do very little about dressing herself anymore, so needs a great deal of help with simple tasks like that.”

I realized, as I read what I’d written during Mother’s Alzheimer’s years, that even though it seemed difficult and frustrating at the time, I made it through the journey.  Somehow we do.

Post from: Blisstree

Alzheimer’s Caregiver’s Journal