It’s all over the news, so by now you’ve all probably heard about the notorious “D.C. madam,” Deborah Jeane Palfrey, committing suicide. I first learned of it when I opened my Yahoo! email account last night and was greeted with this Yahoo! News article: Police: ‘D.C. madam’ kills herself in Fla. coastal town.

There’s something about the way that article title is phrased that makes me grimace. She killed herself. The D.C. madam killed herself. This daughter, this friend, this human being killed herself. It’s a very raw way of saying it, but, it’s also very true.

I guess I wouldn’t have taken too much pause if it had read “D.C. madam commits suicide in Fla. coastal town,” but, what is suicide? Killing oneself.

Why sugarcoat it? No matter how you serve it, it’s a nasty dish.

The second thing that caused me to stop, reread, and reflect was this quote:

Blanche Palfrey had no sign that her daughter was suicidal, and there was no immediate indication that alcohol or drugs were involved, police Capt. Jeffrey Young said.

In many cases, the warning signs of suicide are blatantly in our faces. Am I saying Blanche should have picked up on her daughter’s suicide warning signs? No. I’m not even saying Deborah exhibited signs that she planned on committing suicide (aside from telling writer Dan Moldea that she would commit suicide before going back to prison, which is a HUGE warning sign; however, she may not have told her mother that). I wasn’t there. I don’t know. Too often hindsight is 20/20, and we recognize the signs afterward.

But, I do know that this is as good a time as any to go over a few of the warning signs that a person may be contemplating suicide or already have a plan to commit suicide.

The list of possible suicide warning signs is a long and winding one that covers basically the same ground, while offering a different sign here and there depending on where you get the information. I’ve attempted to group them into a few categories for easier reading, and to help guide you to and through the potential warning signs of suicide as well as how to react, but I highly suggest you also visit the Web sites I’ve listed below.

Consider the person’s situation. Has the person recently gone through a potentially devastating situation, such as infidelity, divorce, rape, abuse, job loss, or the death of a loved one? Is the person facing, or has the person already experienced, a potentially humiliating situation, such as imprisonment, a secret being exposed, or gambling away the family business? If so, keep your eyes open. Obviously not everyone who goes through these situations is going to commit suicide; if that were the case, none of us would be here. However, these situations and feelings – devastation, humiliation, grief, hopelessness, betrayal, hurt, panic – are known triggers for suicide.

Pay attention to the person’s moods and personality changes. Has the person become withdrawn, isolated, depressed, irritable, tired, apathetic, hopeless, or anxious? Too, people who are planning suicide sometimes switch from being very sad to very happy (it’s been said they do this because they finally have an “answer,” a “way out” or a “solution” to their problem, i.e. they feel relieved because they’ve planned suicide and know they won’t be on earth much longer). You’re not a mind reader, but oftentimes you can get a feel for the person’s mood just by having conversations with or watching him or her.

Take note of any changes in behavior and interests. Has the person lost interest in activities s/he once enjoyed? Is the person sleeping too much or too little, or overeating or not eating enough? Has the person quit his or her job, or started spending way more money than usual? A change in personal appearance and hygiene can act as a suicide warning sign. Too, drug and alcohol abuse are almost always listed as possible warning signs. I’m not talking about your Uncle Cheech who still wears tie-dye and reminisces about 1969. I’m talking about the suburban mom who’s now frequenting back alleys making heroine deals. (Maybe not even that extreme.) The point is, the drug and alcohol abuse will most likely be a change in behavior and interests.

Also observe how the person treats his or her belongings. Many times people who have planned to commit suicide start to give away their possessions. They figure they won’t need them anymore, because they’ll be dead, so they want others to have them. (Sometimes they may even create wills – whether secretly or openly – and if you find such a will, or are told about such a will, it may be a warning sign.) They may also start putting their affairs in order in other ways, such as withdrawing funds and closing bank accounts, selling their homes or vehicles, and gathering up and organizing important documents their family members may need once they’re gone.

Finally, listen to the person. If the person starts saying things like “I’m through with life,” “Everyone would be better off if I were gone,” “I can’t do this anymore,” or “I want to die,” CONSIDER IT A WARNING SIGN. If the person outright tells you s/he has thought about, wants to, or has devised a plan to commit suicide, CONSIDER IT A WARNING SIGN.

The American Association of Suicidology offers a list of ways you can react and help someone who is considering suicide (or someone you think is considering suicide). My own bottom line, personal take on the matter can be summed up in two steps:

1. If you feel a person may be planning suicide, get help.
2. If you know for a fact a person is planning suicide, GET HELP.

I’ve mentioned before that there are two confidentiality deal breakers for me: plans to harm another person or plans to harm him/herself. With that being said, don’t ever let a person “swear you to secrecy” if s/he confides about suicide plans. I don’t care if she’s been your best friend since kindergarten or he was the one person who kept all your secrets in high school. The cold hard fact is that s/he is going to be dead if the plan is carried out.

And I promise you – I promise you with every fiber of my being – waking up the next morning with the knowledge that your friend is seriously pissed off at you because you called for help will be a hell of a lot easier to deal with than waking up to a phone call telling you your friend completed his or her suicide plan.

But what if my friend’s not really serious? you may be wondering. What if it’s all just blowing off steam and I’m wrong? Well, that’s a “wrong” you want to be. Wouldn’t you rather be wrong in thinking your friend is planning suicide than be wrong in thinking your friend is just blowing off steam? Yes.

For more information about the warning signs of suicide and how to handle suicidal situations, check out the following Web sites and pages:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• American Association of Suicidology
• Suicide.org
• SAMHSA’s Suicide Warning Signs
• WebMD’s Depression: Recognizing the Warning Signs of Suicide

If you have any experience with suicide and have helped or been helped by others, feel free to share your story and words of encouragement in the comments.

Image source: Newscom

Chato B. Stewart is currently rockin’ out in the This Is Why I ROCK! series here at Mental Health Notes. If you have a mental illness and are still living the life you love, head on over the the official announcement post and enter!

Post from: Blisstree

Suicide Warning Signs: In Light Of Deborah Jeane Palfrey