There’s a certain word used to describe women who are verbally strong (some might say aggressive.)  That word rhymes with “witch” and I must say I’ve used it plenty of times myself.
However, I’ve never really been one of those gals who could say what I mean 100% of the time without worrying about public opinion.  And I wonder if that’s good for a recovering anorexic?
Sometimes, I think that being a bitch might make kicking ana’s arse much easier.  I could just tell her to go fug herself and be done with the matter.  Instead, I’m too nice — way too …read more

Summer is almost over, and as school draws near (my son is starting kindergarten — how the heck did that happen?), I am reminded of a summer 23 years ago in 1985.
Let’s call it my “ANA-versary”.
Yes, that summer was when I turned my body from chubby to svelte in one easy step — anorexia.
The funny thing is that I didn’t set out to become anorexic; I just wanted to never be called “fat” in school again.  (I was overweight or “under tall”, if you prefer!)  So I began restricting… severely.  I calculated that if I could lose weight on 1200 …read more

So against my better judgment I ate at a chain buffet “restaurant” (aka, HELL HOLE) today.  My son really wanted to go, and it’s his birthday in a few days, so what could I say?  I tried to convince him it would be a gross spot to dine, but he had his heart set on ponying up to a trough.
We went.  We ate.  We left.
I barely made it home before there was — um, how to word this nicely? — intestinal trauma the likes of which forced all nourishment from my body in a most unseemly (not to mention unladylike) …read more

Holy mackerel. I’ve been checking on pro-ana and pro-mia blogs around cyberspace, and a very large number of them are in Spanish. (Many pro-ana sites are in French, too, no doubt because of the hubbub from last spring involving the size of runway and fashion models.)
It’s too bad that I can’t translate some of the Breaking the Mirror posts into Spanish, nor can I read the pro-ana and pro-mia sites from other countries.  I’d love to understand what it’s honestly like to have an eating disorder in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Spain, Portugal, South America, Central America, et cetera. I’ve always heard that most Hispanic …read more

A few weeks ago, I asked the Breaking the Mirror community if they knew any stories of anorexics throughout history.  Lo and behold, awesome reader Jenna came through in a fabulous way!
Jenna told me about Elizabeth Siddal, a pre-Raphaelite model who lived (and died) in the early-to-mid 1800s.  As her Wikipedia page notes:
“Some have suggested that she might have been an anorexic, while others attribute her poor health to an addiction to laudanum or to a combination of ailments…”
You can read the whole Wiki page on Elizabeth Siddal here.
Thanks again to Jenna, our ED history super sleuth!

Yes, I’m still “on board” with the whole “Celebrate Independence by Kickin’ Ana’s Scrawny Butt” project I started on July 4.
Since I haven’t posted about it for a couple of weeks, I thought it was a good time for an update:
Good Things I’ve Done for Myself:

Allowed myself a little break from working out since I’ve been so tired.  And I haven’t felt too guilty about it!
Didn’t obsess about every piece of food that entered my mouth… at least not (practically) all the time like before.

Not-So-Good Things I’ve Done to Myself:

I cannot seem to stop berating myself because of my cellulite.  It has …read more

This song happened “post ana” for me (at least “post active ana” — she’s always around, it would seem.)  But it just resonates with me deeply.  How about you?
http://music.aol.com/video/why/annie-lennox/1467620

Maybe you’re already familiar with Ana or her “sister”, Mia (aka, anorexia and bulimia).  Maybe not.  Regardless, I’m certain that even those among us who are disordered eaters have questions.
In a quest for real, honest answers, I’d like to start a new feature here at Breaking the Mirror called “Ask Ana”. 
The premise is simple — if you have a burning question about eating disorders, body image, et cetera, please leave it in the comments section of this page -OR- privately email it to me at lemonpepr(at)aol(dot)com. 
As I receive questions, I’ll post them here for us all to discuss based on …read more

I’ve written before about men and anorexia or bulimia.  (This is sometimes called “manorexia” by the media.) 
At the time, I said I’d never met a guy with an eating disorder.
That’s changed.
Last night, an acquaintance and I were chatting.  He’s a few years older than I and the talk turned to eating, dieting and problems with body image.  That was when he admitted that he used to exercise twice a day and eat very little.  He probably weighed about fifty pounds less than he did now.  As he puts it, he was anorexic… but never bulimic because he hates vomiting.  (I …read more

Most days, I can’t help but look at the world through Ana-colored glasses.  I try to take them off, but sometimes they sneak back onto my face.
Case in point — oftentimes, when I meet another woman, I instantly wonder: 
A.  How much she weighs.
C.  What size she wears.
D.  Why she has nicer [fill-in-the-blank] than I do.
Inevitably, I come to the conclusion that she’s much more attractive than I.  That makes me wish I were better looking, thinner, et cetera.  Then, I chide myself, telling my Ana-ridden mind that it doesn’t matter and I need to be less shallow.  (Of course, that makes me …read more