So, surely we all have those things in marriage that we wish we could change in our spouses. You know, those petty habits of theirs that aren’t going to make or break the marriage, but that you just really wish they would fix already!!! We’re not the only ones, right?

So, for me, it’s Bald Man’s lack of calling when he’s coming home late from work. It is so frustrating to have a meal warm on the table (I’m sure I’ve done that a few times at least!) only to have it go cold by the time he gets home. It’s not as if I don’t realize that he’s going to have to work late from time to time, but would it kill him to pick up the phone?!?!

This got a bit better when we got Skype. Now we send a message or two during the day, and he tells me when he’s shutting down to come home. There are times, though, when he shuts down, only to get in a conversation with a co-worker that lasts another 40 minutes or so. Again, I don’t care, but could you just give a call to let me know that you’re not lying in a ditch at the side of the road? I just want him to change!!!

As with every story, there’s another side to things. I happen to have a few annoying habits of my own, or so I’ve heard. One happens to be the, “I’ll be right there. Just give me 5 minutes.” Or, “I’m just gonna read one more chapter, then I’ll come up.” An hour or 8 chapters later and I’m finally getting around to doing what I said I would do in 5 minutes or after one more chapter.

I’m not a very good estimator of time. I always think things will take about 15 minutes less to accomplish than they do. I always think I’ll have the self-restraint to stop reading a book after one chapter, only to get caught up and read half the book before I can put it down. My thought is, though, that I’ve always been like this. Always. And Bald Man knows these things about me. He’s been with me for 16 years already. Shouldn’t he just accept that this is a part of me and move on? Really, it shouldn’t be a surprise anymore, should it?!?! It’s not as if I do it on purpose. It’s not as if I’m trying to be mean. I just lose track of time.

So, in a situation where I want him to change for my benefit, I also want him to accept me for the way I am for my benefit. Probably not all that fair, aye? I hate it when I realize things like this, for now I have to either change myself, or accept his bad habit, neither of which seems all that appealing.

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Post from: Blisstree

What’s good for the goose…

The latest being the day that Bald Man called sick into work. He doesn’t often, really. He has to be pretty bad to not go into the office. As in, he wasn’t dying or anything, but only because he knows I’d be really ticked if he went and died on me with all these kids around and such.

So, anyway, he calls a co-worker to let them know that he won’t be in because, “he has a little head cold”. A little head cold.

It was so hard not to call back and say, “Actually, he can only almost breathe, he’s had a fever and chills all night, his head is splitting, and all the drugs in the house seem to have hardly registered in his body.”

I even asked him at one point if it would be too very Marie of me to call and say that. I think he mumbled a horrified “yeah”.

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Post from: Blisstree

Trying so hard not to be Marie…

I’ve always been a cluttered person. In jr. high/high school, I was the one with the bed arranged perpendicular to the door so that all of my junk/clothes/books/notes, etc. could be “hidden” on the floor on the other side of my bed. I had a closet which had a floor, though no eyewitness could prove it. I have no clue what all was under my bed, and couldn’t have figured out with less than three hours time and an entire team of archeologists working with me to search the rubble. My grandma used to visit occasionally, and I dreaded those times. I’d leave my room in the morning to go to school, only to return to find three or four big trashbags sitting outside of my room. How I longed to sift through those bags to see what treasures she determined were junk!

Anyway, when Bald Man and I got together, Grandma was one of the first people to tell me that I needed to get my act together and take better care of our home. She out-and-out warned me that my husband would leave me if I didn’t keep a neat house. I laughed it off, probably with a less than respectful roll of my eyes. Who needs neat and orderly when you have cluttered and carefree?!?!

Truthfully? Bald Man needs neat and orderly. Not because he doesn’t love me as I am. Not because he’s military-raised and that’s what’s expected (I was military raised as well, didn’t help me with order!). Not because he wants me to be someone other than who I am. But because he does need to be who he is. And he is a person who needs order.

It’s not that I don’t already know all this. I was just reminded again as we spent an evening at a friend’s house. A friend who is very neat and orderly. I cooked with her a few other friends in her neat and orderly kitchen, and it was wonderful! I walk into her house and feel the clutterless space and openness of the rooms. I work in her workspaces and see how having a place for everything really does make the work easier and more enjoyable. And I’m reminded that it’s in a place like this that Bald Man would thrive and be more at peace. Certainly less stressed.

So, I’m not going to pretend that I can ever be this friend of mine. I love her dearly, but we are two different people entirely. It’s one reason we complement each other pretty well. But striving for a neater and more orderly home than what we have is achievable. Trying to glean a bit of her tidiness and purpose in placement (and a few other friends out there, as well!) could go a long way toward loving my hubby. I can give it a go. Maybe one of those New Year’s Resolution-type thingies. Gotta be more achievable than the “Lose some weight” that’s made the list year after year!!!!

What’s one thing that you could do this year to show your spouse your love for him/her?

photo credit: kk+

Post from: Blisstree

The Battle of the Clutter

No, the size of the diamond is not the indicator of a good marriage. Good marriages and bad marriages alike come in all shapes, sizes, weights, and purities of gemstones. And sometimes no gemstones at all.

No, the sign of a good marriage that I’m thinking of is one that keeps coming up lately. It is this: A good marriage is one in which both members of the union feel lucky and sometimes downright honored to get to be the significant other with their spouse.

I’m not saying that it’s an all-the-time feeling, or that it’s not also coupled with some frustrations or irritations at being that same person’s spouse. I’m just saying that, in both new marriages and those that are more tried and mature, this seems to be a common thread that I’m finding in many of the marriages that share the qualities of a union that I hope our marriage has.

What are your thoughts here?

photo credit: stephend9

Post from: Blisstree

Sign of a Good Marriage?

Anyway, for some reason, it bothers me most when it’s a wife sounding like she’s “mothering” her husband. I don’t think that’s sexist of me, I just think I’ve rarely heard it the opposite way. Still, it bugs me to death and I just sit there thinking, “He’s your husband. Why are you treating him that way? Why do you think it’s appropriate for you to tell him what to do? Why does he have to ask you if he can do that?”

And you want to know when it bugs me the most? When I hear myself doing it. Yeah, I have caught myself mothering Cory. And I know I’ve gotten bad about it when Cory’s asking me if I mind him doing something and I’m like, “Why are you even asking me? I’m not your mom.” And I can tell from the look in his eyes it’s because I’ve harped on him one too many times lately about trivial stuff. Sounds so unlike me, I know.

I’m sure I’m not the only one, though, or else Everybody Loves Raymond wouldn’t have been nearly as successful as it was.

Anyone else out there wanna fess up?

Post from: Blisstree

Who’s your momma?

Yeah, yeah, I know what I do that ticks him off. Wanna know? Okay, I’ll tell ya.

1. Our recent whirlwind road trip reminded me of this one. I am that annoying person in the passenger’s seat that sucks in air through my teeth and grabs hold of the dashboard every time I think he’s not slowing down enough for the red light or for the car in front of us. Why, yes I DO know how irritating that is, just haven’t figured out how not to do it, yet. Of course, I think it has saved us a wreck once or twice. I think. He may disagree. It did, however, inspire his inner-city driving passenger rule of, “You can open your mouth or you can open your eyes, but not both. Your choice.” Clever, isn’t he?

2. I leave piles of stuff everywhere. Have we mentioned, yet, that we are very much opposites? Well, if you haven’t caught on to that, yet, I’m sure you will. In fact, I just told you, so, if you don’t know it now, I can’t help ya. Anyway, we are very opposite in most ways (not just the convenient ones). The most organized I get is my piles of stuff. And I leave them everywhere. And it drives him nuts. And, seriously, that’s not even why I leave them everywhere.

3. On the rare occasion that I “clean out” my purse, I empty everything out on the kitchen table and then put back in it only what I need. I often forget to put away the rest of the stuff I don’t need. Some of that stuff is womanly stuff that most men would prefer to not even acknowledge exists, much less find it on their kitchen tables. I think I’ve gotten better about that, maybe.

So, there you go, a few of my annoying habits. I have more. One of which being that I never come to bed in a few minutes when I say, “I’ll be up in a few minutes.” I should get better at that, starting now.

Post from: Blisstree

What Do I Do That Ticks My Spouse Off?