Sex is an important part of being human. Not only does it feel good and reinforce a strong relationship, but it also has health benefits well beyond other forms of exercise.  AOL Health reports that it can actually slow the aging process. During an appearance on the Oprah show, Dr. Mehmet Oz asked a series of questions to help determine an individual’s health IQ. He asked…………

*How often should you have sex? The multiple choice options: once a week, twice a week, 10 times a month, 200 times a year.

*The answer: 200 times a year.

“If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years,” Dr. Oz says, basing this number on a study from researchers at Duke University who surveyed people about the amount and quality of sex they had. “They looked at what happened to folks that are having a lot of intercourse over time, and the fact is, it correlated.” Frequent sex helps prove that your body is functioning as it is supposed to. “But in addition, having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings,” says Dr. Oz. “It’s really a spiritual event for folks when they’re with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity…seems to offer some survival benefit.”

Sex as an anti-ager? Sounds way more enjoyable than getting a chemical peel.   

Image credit – Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Sexual Zen Slows the Aging Process

Image by DavidDMuir
via Flickr

In a nutshell:

• My ex was horrible about money. He wouldn’t turn the heat up past 60 degrees in winter, and I froze my ass off all the time. We’d go out to eat, and if he was paying, we shared a meal. He was right on top of things like, “I bought lunch, you have to buy dinner,” and making sure that things were financially balanced, yet he never got me anything (not even a card) for Christmas or Valentine’s Day, and I’d spent a bucketload on him. We rarely went out for any entertainment, it was always renting a movie and staying in. This man was TOO penny-pinching tight for me.
• I have a guy friend who eventually got to the point where he’d have me hold on to his money whenever we went out anywhere, to keep him from blowing it on drinks for the whole bar in one shot. We’d go out, and both be meandering about, so if I wasn’t in immediate proximity he couldn’t spend his money. He’d have to hunt me down, and then I’d give him $20 at a time. This man would be not penny-pinching enough for me.

Here are my personal goals, financially speaking:

• Get myself to some regular income. Right now it’s hit or miss, though I do have some guaranteed funds coming in each month, it’s not enough. No guy can help me with this (as I’m not a gold-digger) but it’s a goal I have for myself. I need to be able to make my bills!
• Save up enough to get a 15% or greater deposit on a house.
• Start contributing to my IRA again. It’s been sitting there since 2004 with no additional money added. I want money for retirement, if I ever get there, dammit.
• Start a 6-month emergency fund so that if anything ever happened, I’d be able to cover bills for up to 6 months.
• Have a fund set up so that in the event I don’t wind up with Mr. Right by the time I’m 34 (there are solid medical reasons for this), that I can venture out to buy some baby makin’ fertilizer.
• Have another “fun fund” so that I can enjoy life NOW, as opposed to waiting for retirement (because let’s face it, it’s likely I might work til I die). This is for vacations, special purchases, etc.

Are these unreasonable? With the exception of the “baby makin’ fertilizer” is it wrong for me to want someone with similar goals, or someone who’s reached these goals already?

Also, how soon is “too soon” to talk about money when you’re dating someone new? I’m not so much interested in details of what someone makes by the third date, but rather comparing ideas about what our definitions of “fiscal responsibility” and “enjoying life” are. I really don’t ever want to date another penny-pinching tightwad again, but I don’t want to worry that the mortgage will be blown at the bar, either.

Post from: Blisstree

Financial Compatibility: How Important Is It to You?

Image by photographer padawan via Flickr

I’m thinking it’s time for me to take another break. Not that I’m not open to meeting new people or anything, but I think I’m going to stay off the online dating sites for a bit. I do have a lot of other things in my life I want to get a grip on before I try getting into anything serious, and since I’m far from the “serial dater” type – that leaves me with no other choice than to stop looking so hard.

I’d love to have some “we met at the grocery store” story to tell you guys in some time – we’ll see what happens!

Have you ever taken a conscious break from dating? Not looking, not trying, just living life and seeing what happens? Has anything ever happened from it?

Post from: Blisstree

Taking a step back, and taking a break.

I’ve kind of been there, where the author is, in feeling like certain little “faux pas” get overlooked if you’re really into a guy. Things like him blowing off too many dates at the last minute, for example.

I don’t care if he’s hot, sweet, “not a musician”… there’s only so much of a character flaw that I can take these days. Blowing off dates last minute? Once, maybe. Like, in the entire scope of whatever relationship it is we’re having, I might be okay (albeit disappointed) in once. But seriously, “fool me twice” and the story might change.

I’m actually okay with things if it’s something truly out of control, like a plane failed to take off on time, or the car died, or someone’s aunt died, or whatever. But to just get a phone call that says, “Hey, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it tonight, call ya tomorrow,” is going to infuriate the hell out of me. LOL

What do you think?

Post from: Blisstree

The blowoff: How much do you put up with?

It’s kind of a role reversal for me, because ever since I was 15, I was always into older guys. Of course, we can see how well that worked out for me, but still…

Honestly, I got a message from a 21 year old kid about two weeks ago that left me absolutely floored. He was a little nervous (so it seemed at first) to suggest we communicate, but then proceeded to tell me that his ex was even older than I am, and he prefers older women because we know what we want… yadda blah pthbbt. Turned out after I got chatting with him that it seemed more like he was really after a “more experienced in the sack” woman to jump into said sack with.

In the past week or so, I’ve either messaged, talked with, or gone out with guys who are 5 or more years younger than me! It’s got me wondering, because I keep talking to my friends and they’re all for it.

“Go on, girl! Get you a younger man!”
“Young boys wanna please you, and you deserve that for once. Go’head!”
“Men in their mid-late 30’s and early 40’s have baggage and issues and will take them out on you.” (That one has been PROVEN to me quite recently!)

So at 31 years of age, as a woman who still wants a family of her own, am I limiting myself unjustly by keeping my searches limited to guys 28-38? Should I be more open about who I’m willing to give a shot to? Or does that make me some kind of cradle-robbing cougar? What do you think are the chances that a 31 year old woman and a 24 year old man could get together, connect, fall in love, get married, and make babies? Aren’t young guys still “playing the field”?

Post from: Blisstree

Oh no… Am I a “Cougar”?

After it was finally over (I got sucked back in a couple times with those lines like, “You’re perfect, and if I wasn’t so afraid/insecure/big an ass I’d marry you in a heartbeat.” How stupid am I, right?) I held off for a while before going back out there and trying to meet someone new. I wanted to spend time getting “the old me” back. I had given up my friends and a lot of the things I loved before I met him. I had allowed him to lower my self-esteem, despite the fact that while together I’d lost 35 pounds and he’d gained it. *snicker* Despite the fact that I know I’m a kickass chick. Despite the fact that we had really nothing in common… blah blah blah.

So a month and a half after our last conversation, I thought I might be ready, and I joined eHarmony. All’s good, and I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing him there because it’s pretty expensive and he’s a cheap bastard.

He then tried to contact me again (after all the times he tried before in the past six weeks that failed him, and even caused me to set up my phone to treat his calls special by faking that the phone’s been disconnected) and this time, the bastard used his nephew’s birthday to get to me. He knows I loved those kids. But I ripped him a new one, and asked that he not contact me again.

Meanwhile, the eHarmony matches died down, so I decided to go peek around PlentyOfFish last night and lo and behold… there he is. He wasn’t on there before I’d told him off in that email. But that was I guess his ticket to go out there and find someone else to hurt. I’m sitting there reading his stupid profile, thinking to myself, “He’s lying to all these women. He’s NOT this person,” and wanting to create a profile just to warn women of their inevitable demise if they consider speaking to him. (No, I didn’t do that.)

I guess the thing that bothers me is that just the day before, he was making yet another attempt at reeling me back in, and now he’s on there trying to reel in someone else when I made it clear I’m not biting this time, or ever again. No, I don’t want him back. I wouldn’t take him back if he went all Lloyd Dobler on me. But I don’t want him to be happy. I want him to be miserable like he made me. I’m over him, but I’m not over the hurt, you know?

I’m afraid that that’s going to hurt me even more when it comes to meeting my own matches. I’m scared that the next guy is going to be like him. I’m afraid I’ll be cheated on again. I’m afraid that I’m going to push someone away who could be wonderful because I’m going to get suspicious and scared and paranoid. I’m wondering if I should take my profile down from eHarmony, eat the $120 and wait.

Then another part of me wants to meet new people because it’s not in my nature to be so mistrusting. I’m wanting some guy out there to restore my faith in relationships, in love. But I don’t want to be “that girl” who whines about her horrible ex to the next guy either.

Is it okay for me to be looking? I think it’s sick and twisted that he is, but is it okay for me?

Post from: Blisstree

When is it okay to start looking again?

The article got me to thinking about lying. Lying can be such a destructive force. In the past, when I’ve found out that I was lied to, well I felt horrible – stupid, even. There is one time when I was dating my beau, back when we were teens, and I suspect that he may have cheated on me, but I will never ask if he did. It would hurt too much to know for sure. This event, the part that I do know about, it was what broke us up back then. He is no longer 17 years old – it has no bearing on our lives now.

Is it ever okay to lie? In my opinion, yes, sometimes it is okay to lie. If I’m walking with a friend and my friend falls and then asks, “Do you think anyone saw me?” I’m going to say, “Oh, no, just me. Don’t worry.” What would be the point of additional embarrassment?

I have a friend whose husband has a gambling addiction and he regularly gambles away their rent and food money. She is heartsick a large part of the time and unsure what to do to help her young family. In their case, I think it’s important to get to the truth, although, in the case of an addict, truth may be pretty elusive.

I have another friend whose Grandpa died recently. Her Grandparents were married for more than 60 years and for 58 of those years, they were very happy. A couple of years ago, the Grandpa told the Grandma about a mistake he made 40 years ago. The Grandma was aware of part of the mistake, but her husband’s admission, she said it brought all that pain and betrayal back and made their life pretty hellish for some time. I won’t go into details because this is a private situation between my friend’s grandparents, an extremely painful experience for them. My friend told me that her Grandma felt it was cruel of her Grandpa to tell his secret. He took his burden, his mistake and handed it off to her to live with.

I’ve heard people say or write that they are “brutally honest.” They admit this with pride, as if this is their gift and they are honor-bound to share it. I think that brutal honesty is just an excuse to be rude, to share something that is better kept to yourself. I will admit that I am not perfect, sometimes I don’t handle things well, but I am never brutally honest. This woman’s Grandpa, he was a wonderful Grandpa, but his honesty was brutal in this situation. He laid this big nasty bomb at wife’s feet and then the rest of the family watched in horror as it exploded over and over.

This Grandpa’s cancer, evil-killer that it was, brought them back together, strengthened the bond between husband and wife once again. My friend, she told me that she had done her best to reassure her Grandma that the family members didn’t hold onto those 2 bad years. It was the grandparent’s thing and although it was horrible to see them battle, the family knew that the years they spent in love and devotion, they over-powered and out-numbered the bad time.

How important is it to bring a lie to light? I’m not an advocate of lying for the hell of it, or if it is going to lead to someone getting hurt, but sometimes the truth, it’s not the way to go. In the case of K’s Grandpa, it was his screw-up, he should have kept it to himself. It would have been kinder.

Post from: Blisstree

Lying – Is It Ever Acceptable To Lie?

This morning, I read about another one – Controversy Brews Over Lip-Synching – AOL Sports. The story goes something like this; Yang Pinyin, a 7-year-old Peking opera lover, was chosen to sing “Ode To the Motherland,” during the Opening Ceremonies, but was later replaced visually by 9-year-old Linn Make, because she was deemed “cuter.” Lin Miaoke lip-synced to Yang Peiyi’s voice. Lin Miaoke was then proclaimed, “an international singing sensation,” by her father Lin Hui , in an interview in the China Daily newspaper, even though she did not sing at all.

This isn’t really that big of a scandal, it’s not even the first time that a previously taped performance was used in an Olympic Opening Ceremony, but it has really got me thinking about these two little girls. One isn’t cute enough and one isn’t talented enough, or that is the message that this performance sends to each of them. The article I read, written by Cara Anna, for AP, displays a photo of each girl. They are both cute. I’ve never heard Lin sing, so I can’t make any sort of statement about her talent, but that’s really not what matters to me here.

I can’t imagine how much work and preparation go into planning and pulling off an Opening Ceremony like the one presented on 08/08/08. I’m sure that some tough decisions had to made, but this one and the way it’s now being publicly played out, I worry about it leaving a lasting impression on these little girls.

The concept of cuteness or beauty, it’s so subjective – everybody has a different idea of what constitutes a beauty. After watching shows like American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, I realize that the concept of talent, lends itself to the subjective, as well.

This situation, it doesn’t have anything to do with dating, so you may wonder why I’m writing about it here. I think it has to do with human nature, the way we see things, and how the pursuit perfection can come with a pretty steep price. It’s hard to be a human. Dealing with the challenges of every day life, they can be exhausting and soul-sucking. I hate to think that these two little girls are learning that at such a young age. These Olympics, they are huge to China, a way to show the world that they are a modern, vital society. The Chinese, they are going to hold onto the events playing out in China currently. Everyone who is involved, their families, they are going to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, but these two little girls, their accomplishments are tainted in the push for perfection because each was decided not enough – not cute enough, not talented enough, not good enough. That sucks.

I’ve read articles about “settling” and how settling is a bad thing, maybe even a way of cheating yourself out of what you rightly deserve. I can see where the need for perfection comes into play in sports, but does everything in life have to be perfect? Do you suspect you’ve ever thrown away someone good for you in the push for perfection? Can the need to find that perfect person force you to discard someone who might actually be an even better fit for you? Is “good enough,” ever good enough?

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Believe In Good Enough?

Some rules you’ve heard time and again.  Now, with all the years of knowledge you’ve gathered in your own dating experiences, which of the rules below do you strongly abide by, encourage others to abide by and which ones do you think are entirely bogus and should be thrown out with yesterday’s bath water.

1. Never date someone you work with
2. Rebound relationships never last
3. Don’t have sex until the third date or later
4. Don’t date your friends ex
5. Date only one person at a time
6. Couples who are really in love spend all their free time together
7. Always wait for the other person to say the “L” word first.
8. Never call the day after your first date
9. Don’t kiss on the first date
10. Date at least a year before getting too serious

Which do you use and which do you lose?

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Rules Use Them or Lose Them?

Everyone has that one thing that makes everyone feel as though a jar full of butterflies have been released in their stomach or that their toes are curling – what’s yours?

For me it was a combination of things…

- good manners

- a soft, slightly moist kiss

- a bright smile, clean teeth and fresh breath

- scent – nothing says sexy like a great smelling cologne.

What about you?  There has to be something, or a combination of something(s) that makes you head over heels. 

Do tell!

Post from: Blisstree

Sexy is…