I knew the day would eventually come. The day he would say something like “I hate you” or “I don’t love you” or “You’re not my real mother”. I just didn’t know HOW much it would hurt.
The thing is, he doesn’t even know what hate means, he just said it because he knew it was bad. Knew it would make me mad and get my attention. But, just the same, it cuts my heart in two. Makes me realize how much I really want his approval and his love (yes, I’m just as insecure as he is).
As an adoptive parent …read more

I used to talk with friends at lunch about how I was preparing myself for the “worst”…reading up on FAS, sensory issues, making sure I baby-proofed everything and they thought I was crazy.
They told me that that having children was supposed to be easy. That attachment and bonding came so naturally that there was no need to work on it, that children were resilient and that they would just blend right into our lives.
That was not so with AJ. Life was very difficult. I remember, very clearly, the first time he got into the silverware drawer, despite the baby-proofing. He …read more

Before we left for Guatemala several companies sent me some very lovely slings to try out with Baby Gus (and it was a good thing too because the ladies in Guatemala oohed and ahhed over him in the slings). Any baby in a sling is “lindo” (pretty or cute) and the object of much, much affection.
I could not pack all of the slings because of the new weight requirements on airlines so I only took two; a Ring Sling (Cherry Bomb) provided by Nonny & Boo and a BabyHawk in a gorgeous Pumpkin Spice. Since we returned home I have …read more

Activities to develop fine motor skills can often be hard to find because toys today are geared towards entertainment. However, when you step back and look at educational products you will find that educational products can be just as entertaining and sometimes even more rewarding than any toy in the house.
AJ loves playing with me in the afternoon.

I find it amazing how quickly one can enter your heart and soul. I have admitted before that it took a while for us to bond with AJ because of his trauma and his aversion to attachment. Gus, on the other hand, slammed into my heart so quickly that I have not had time to adjust to it all.
He is a child that is so endearing and beautiful that one can’t help but stare at him when he is awake or asleep. He is timid with strangers, loving and cuddly with those with whom he is familiar, and simply put, …read more

There are many, many people out there who will tell you that adoption is easy. I don’t think those people have actually adopted. I don’t think those people have adopted older children or special needs children or twins. Because if they knew what adoption was really like for the majority of people they would never, ever, in their lives tell you that adoption was easy.
Adoption took it’s toll on me. It almost killed my marriage. It wore me down to my very breaking point. And I had absolutely no one who understood what I was going through.
Luckily, Eric and I …read more

One of my favorite bloggers wrote a heartfelt post just under two years ago on how thankful she is for her beautiful and spirited daughter whom she relinquished for adoption at birth.
Please read her elegant words.

Neglect
•Abuse
•Separation from the primary caregiver
•Changes in the primary caregiver
•Frequent moves and/or placements
•Traumatic experiences
•Maternal depression
•Maternal addiction – drugs or alcohol
•Undiagnosed, painful illness such as …read more

A. Unable to engage in satisfying reciprocal relationship: 1. Superficially engaging, charming (not genuine)
2. Lack of eye contact
3. Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
4. …read more

Every newly adopted toddler needs fun attachment activities to promote bonding and help them feel more comfortable in their new surroundings and with their new family. Here is a fabulous list from a variety of my favorite websites.
Cherrio Kisses: Place a Cherrio between your lips and allow the baby or toddler to kiss you and take it from your lips. For older children this can be done with graham crackers, Teddy Grahams, Nilla Wafers, etc. This works on eye contact, sharing, and allows physical contact on a limited basis.
Mirror Image: Sit in front of a mirror and make …read more