Sometimes people get jealous. They worry that someone is slipping away, that they are losing their influence. They worry that they might be losing the love or complete attention of another person and when this happens, they turn to coercion. They hit on a person’s frailties, on his or her fears until they chip away a chunk of their confidence. I’m talking their self-confidence as well as the confidence that they may have in their relationship. I find this sort of selfish and destructive behavior disgusting.

When I heard the “deceitful” statement, it was clearly a case of an individual parroting another persons bad intentions. These teenagers are still figuring things out. They need a supportive environment to do that. They don’t need outside sources filling their heads with doubts. How are they supposed to develop healthy relationships if their biggest influences are not healthy to start with? If things do not work out between them, they will still take the lessons that they learned during this relationship with them. They will suspect the next person is deceitful or jealous or whatever term they throw at each other.

Sorry to be a bit on the cryptic side, but we just had a scene here that was ridiculous and totally without merit. I do not appreciate people messing with the kids. Teenagers are not property to control. They are young adults who will soon be on their own, especially when they are 17 and almost 18. They deserve the best guidance we have to give. 

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Post from: Blisstree

Be A Good Example For Teens

It occurred to me that if my daughters are not comfortable asking me for what they need, then that might become a behavioral pattern.  If it becomes a part of who they are, then when they are involved in a romantic relationship, they may be unable to communicate effectively with their partner.  Teaching them to communicate well, that’s a part of parenting that I need to work on because it’s important, but it does get pushed to the side in the busyness of day-to-day activity. 

I love my boyfriend, but I am not communicating well with him right now.  He’s been staying with us for a week now and tomorrow he’s heading back up to Oregon.  I haven’t seen a lot of him – he’s been working on a project with his dad in the next town.  He comes home for dinner and for sleeping.  We went on a date Saturday night and he did smile at me a lot, but he didn’t say very much. 

Last night he mentioned returning to school, which I think is a great idea.  I’ve been wondering what his plans are, but I’ve not felt comfortable asking what he is going to do next.  Maybe I’ll just wait it out and see. When he feels like he has something to say, he will do so. In the meantime, I am quiet and beginning to stew inside because I wonder why everything with him has to be on HIS terms.  I do not want this for my girls. I do not want them to feel unbalanced and resentful because they love someone who does not value sharing. 

Sometimes I wish he was the same guy I loved when we were teenagers, because I could talk to that kid about anything. Of course, I am not as uncomplicated as I was back then either and I’m sure I frusturate him, as well. Hhmm,  a little conversation might fix that right up……………. grr right back to square one again. 

I want the girls to feel on equal footing with their partners.  I want them to feel like they can say anything without fear. I wish that my boyfriend would find a way to open up again. He was able to do it before, in the first 6 months of our relationship.  For much of the past year, he’s been having financial troubles (like everybody else).  I know this. I try to back off, to be patient. I know that much of this could be temporary, but what if it’s not?  What if the good stuff in the beginning was just wooing and not who he really is? 

If things do not work out between the two of us, I would like to think that he will eventually be able to fit well with someone else. I feel that I’ve learned a lot in this relationship, but sometimes I feel that he’s still holding onto past behavior that could sabotage his romantic future. If something does not work, you’ve got to figure out what the problem is and then fix it. It’s not always the easy thing to do, not what we look forward to, but it’s a necessary part of human interaction. 

Tonight I’m going to let him know that he can talk to me about anything. That if he has ideas, I’m a pretty good sounding board.  He’s at a point where anything could happen in his life. Maybe he’s afraid to talk about the possibilities?  He may have no idea that I am feeling frustrated, because I’m keeping that to myself.  I need to work on better communication, as well.

How are your communication skills?  Are you comfortable talking to your partner or do you tend to hold back?  Any good communication advice you’d like to share?  

Post from: Blisstree

Talk, Talk, Talk