Jo’s time with us, taught me a few keys to making time out work. Every one of them integral parts of effectively applying time out. I just thought I’d share them with those of you who are chomping at the bits for school to be back in session, because your kids are making you batty with their naughtiness.

1. Chose a spot that is away from the television, or anything distracting.
2. Chose a spot that is withing eye shot, so you know if they try to get out.
3. Do not get distracted by other tasks, therefor, allowing the time out to escape your thoughts.
4. Do not respond to the child, even if they are cursing, spiting or employing any other mean of getting a response.
5. If they get out, calmly (but assertively) take them back without talking to them.
6. CONSISTENCY is key. Even if it takes too hours to complete the first time out. It will get easier, but you have to establish the idea that you are serious and will not bend.
7. Explain the infraction for which they are being corrected, before and after the time out.
8. End the discipline with an apology (from the child) and a hug (from you.) Positive reinforcement is huge!!!

Trust me when I say that this may take some time to master. My husband went through the painful task of executing these steps, during the taping of Supernanny, while I was out of the house. It took every shred of patience he had (and he doesn’t have many,) to not give up and just spank the child for being so insolent. After it was over, however, my husband and I saw the true importance of sticking to our guns and the great results it can yield! After six months of the new time out methods, we are experiencing easier and more effective discipline. It is especially helpful during these vacation months! Thanks Supernanny!!

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Effective Time Outs

I have realized, during our struggle to help our son have the problem free life he deserves, how easy it is to judge others. I look back on times that I was out in public and saw a child having one hell of a tantrum and thinking it was due to lack of discipline. I’ve talked with moms, previous to Daniel’s diagnosis, and wondered why the heck they would subject themselves to the stress and labor of trying to control diet, modify behavior and do things naturally, when medicine was readily available to treat their child’s condition. Only after we have been forced to walk a mile in their shoes, do I fully understand their plight, the reasons behind some children’s behavior and the willingness of mothers to take on such exhausting labors.

Wow! What an epiphany this journey has been and will continue to be. I am mentally, emotionally and physically worn down to a thread. I have never been so stressed out in my life. I watch my son have withdraws and try to adjust to our new way of eating and living, with a sharp pain in my heart. I know that it isn’t easy for him. As hard as it is on me to try and guide him through and aid his recovery, it has to be torture on him to live through. My heart breaks for him, every time he fights the urge to lash out. I feel so  guilty when he has anxiety attacks and I suspect it is the result of his body adjusting to the lack of medication. If this isn’t hell, I don’t ever want to go there. I can’t imagine anything worse than watching my child suffer. My heart goes out to all of the parents who do the same, everyday. I will try to never pass judgment on another parent who sits helplessly while their child rages out of control. I will try to show compassion to parents who do things unconventionally. I will do my best to mentally walk that mile in the shoes of another, before I assume anything. It is very different to be the wearer of those shoes…uncomfortable, too tight, causing emotional blistering.

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Trying It On For Size

When a child commits a misdemeanor in your home, do you resort to using the same punishment every time, or do you tailor it to fit the crime? Do you skip the “punishment” in favor of a lecture lesson?

My son made the mistake of writing on the wall, yesterday. It was pretty obvious who did it. Yet, the guilty party was reluctant to admit his guilt. After he confessed, his dad and I convened in the bedroom to choose the appropriate sentence. In this case, it was the chore of washing walls and a talk about the importance of truth. We try to stop and consider our options and the nature of the crime, before selecting an appropriate corrective action. It doesn’t always happen that way, of course, but we do try. I think after ten minutes and two very achy arms, my son had learned his lesson. Only time will tell, but I don’t think he will soon forget how boring it was to scrub walls while his siblings were outside playing football.

Does the range of disciplinary action change as your kids enter the teen years? I’m just asking because we haven’t reached puberty in our house yet, and I’d like to be as prepared as possible. Gayla seemed to do the right thing, in the case of the overzealous text messaging teens. I would have done the same. My husband would have taken the phones and smashed them with a sledge hammer, not as a lesson, but out of sheer anger. It would have cost us in the long run, when we had to buy new phones, but it is his natural reaction to stuff like that. I can’t tell you how many toys have been broken and thrown away, as the result of a fight over possession!

Since we don’t have the money to buy new phones every time the bill comes, I’m thinking that we need to devise a plan ahead of time. Sound off on your preffered methods of corrective action (aka punishment) in the comment section.

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Throwing The Book

Shopping with three kids is always a lot of fun, if you enjoy saying “No” a thousand times, keeping items from falling off the shelves as little hands extend out to knock them off and keeping your cool when they ultimately cause the mountain of apples to come crashing down. Today was especially fun because of the throbbing in my noggin. I spent the first half of the trip clenching my teeth in frustration and cursing my empty cupboards. Then I realized that I was shopping harder, not smarter. I was ignoring the golden rules of shopping with kids:

1. Keep them entertained. Think of games such as finding the letter on labels, spotting colors and “I Spy”.
2. Feed them. Pack snacks to curb the hunger whining and keep their little mouths busy so that they do not accidentally insult passers by with comments like, “Why does that lady have a mustache, Mommy?”
3. Bribe. I believe in bribery. It works. It doesn’t hurt anyone. I use it when necessary.
4. When all else fails…visit the butcher. Our deli employees know the kids well. Every time we pass by, the kids get hats. It keeps them busy for a good ten minutes, so I hold off on visiting him until right before my last stop at the produce section.

I was so consumed by the pain in my head, that I completely forgot the rules of smart shopping. Once I realized my mistake and made the proper adjustments, the trip went much smoother. Don’t get me wrong, it was not a picnic by any means. The headache is still lingering. We did, however, get through the trip and back home with sanity and groceries. Now that is what I call a successful trip! 

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Shopping Smarts

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Keep Your Germs To Yourself

Today was the final straw. I had busted my rear to grocery shop, mop, vacuum, do dishes, laundry and get some work done. I was extremely tired, but needed to get dinner ready and prepare for tomorrow’s kindergarten field trip (which I am chaperoning.) Did the kids know all of this? Probably not, but did they care when I told them that I needed help cleaning up the mess? Hell no. They whined, argued and fought when I assigned menial chores to each of them. Something in me snapped and I lost my cool. I turned into Momzilla/drill sergeant from hell. I squinted my eyes, lowered my voice and got very close to their faces as I threatened the loss of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…in that order.

For some odd reason, it worked! By the time my husband returned home, the house was clean, dinner was on the stove and the kids were saying “Yes Mam.” I know it sounds too good to be true, but it really happened. Did I spank? Nope. Did I have to put six kids in time out for three hours, just to make them do a simple two minute chore? No way. All it took was a good scare. The kids had not seen Momzilla since the show and I think it made them realize that no amount of Supernanny’s advice would override my God given right to unleash the beast when necessary!

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Unleashing The Beast

During my trip to Target yesterday, I met a mom who recognized me from the show. She, like many of the moms I meet this way, told me what a relief it was to see another mom who screams. In fact, the majority of moms I’ve met, express that very same sentiment.  Is there some taboo put on screaming? I know that it is not a positive parenting practice. But I hardly think that it is so horrendous a behavior that moms should be afraid to admit to it. Do we need to start some secret screamers society where moms can support each other in their efforts to stop screaming? I find it so odd that so many moms do it, yet they are all so secretive about it. I’m not proud that I have a screaming habit, but I’m certainly not so embarassed that I feel the need to keep it a big secret. Of course, I’m a rare breed who doesn’t keep much of anything a secret, hence my choice to be a writer!

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The Screamers Anonymous Meeting Will Now Come To Order

1. The friend’s family does not set down house rules.

2. The friend’s family has a set of rules, but the parents do not follow through on disciplining the child when a rule is broken. This happens a lot with youngest children.

In either case, it is the child who ultimately suffers, because when they visit another home and cannot comply with rules, they are most often not invited back (as is the case in our home.) My question for you all today is: What do you do when your child’s friend refuses to obey your house rules? When I asked the husband what his answer would be, he looked at me as if I was daft and said ”Call the kid’s parent and tell them to come and get their brat.” He is a tad more “Guerrilla” than I! Feel free to leave your own opinions in the comment section.

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Girls (And Boys) Gone Wild!

I know it sounds too easy to be effective. It’s not as easy as it sounds, if you’re a person who likes to keep the house clean and accomplish usual household tasks. Step one is forgetting your chores and putting tasks on hold. As my mother in law (mother of thirteen,) always says, “There’s always tomorrow!” But, for me, it takes a lot of effort to keep the cleaning products in their cupboard. Step two is forgetting that you’re an adult. Think like a child. What did you like to do as a youngster? Help your kids think up some fun ideas or just let them have the reigns for the day. Step three is letting yourself experience unrestrained fun. Forget the merriment inspired messes, the fact that you’re way too old to have a tea party and just live in the joy of the moment.

 I understand that this type of behavior is not feasible on a continual basis, as the functionality of the household depends on your consistency. But one day of unadultrated play time and chore shirking will do wonders for your inner child and your outer children. So log off of your computer, put away the mop and pull out the dress up clothes. I myself am planning to don my finest feathered hat, fanciest sequin dress and be a waitress at ”Cafe Prescott” this afternoon. The kids love hearing me say, “May I take your order?” They are so used to, “You’ll eat it because it’s your only choice,” that it brings about a welcome change of tone. They actually utter words of thanks and complimentary phrases, even though it’s the same old turkey sandwich they’ve always had for lunch. After that, we’ll play freeze dance, make crafts and be kindred spirits for the remainder of the day. Today, my inner child will be echoing the words of the great Dr. Martin Luther King, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

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Survival Of The Silliest

I’m sure that there are some who really do plan on staying for the long haul, as my mother did. But life’s cruel hand often deals cards that are unexpected and causes the marriage to dissolve. My Dad told me that he regretted having kids after the messy divorce, because he saw the pain that it caused us. While I am grateful that he did have children, I can see why he would feel that way. When unstable couples decide to have children, not considering the effects that an unhealthy relationship could have on them, they are acting selfishly.

My sisters and I still deal with the inner turmoil that my parents’ divorce spawned and we are all grown women, with families of our own. It has been 14 years since my parents’ split and the dominoes have yet to cease their seemingly unending chain of collapse. People, who say that children eventually get over the trauma and move on, are ignorant of the full spectrum of damage that divorce can wreak on a child, long after the finalization.

Tags: behavior, divorce, emotional distress

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Divorce And The Domino Effect