Father’s Day is becoming more and more commercialized and heavily promoted. Everywhere someone looks, there are signs that say “Remember Dad” or big displays of Father’s Day cards. I usually don’t think twice about things like this, but someone mentioned wanting to have a party for a dad who recently lost his own father, only to discover that he really wasn’t in the mood for a celebration.
So what to do in this case? I’d ask. Turns out this recently bereaved dad wanted to go visit the cemetary and leave flowers for his father. Maybe another dad would enjoy passing something …read more

I was very sorry to hear Yvonne’s grandfather died today (also the anniversary of my father-in-law’s death).
They were very close and she wrote a lovely letter, you must take a moment to read.
My grandparents died when I was fairly young, my paternal grandfather when I was 10 and my mother’s parents when I was 19 and 22. While I wouldn’t have wished them any extended suffering, I sometimes wish I had been older when they died, I really didn’t know what I had and I think I would have appreciated them more, or at least differently.
I also …read more

Over at In the Middle, Linda had a death in her family and she learned a lot of things in the process.
One of the things that stuck with me the most since I feel/felt the same way:
The world is filled with truly nice, kind, compassionate people who will go out of their way to make you feel better.
Even though it’s been over 2 years since my mother died, I am still struck by how people responded.
I’m sure I told you about all the things that people did for me and my father during that time. His coworkers made …read more

At the risk of sounding like the President of the Metro Dad fan club (which I totally would be if he ever needs one), I am directing you to his annual letter to his dear friend, Andy, who died in the World Trade Center attacks on September 11, 2001:
I still can’t believe it’s been seven years.
I think it’s partly because, out of the past seven years, this one feels like the longest. We lost Sofia’s dad this year after a long battle with cancer. We spent the entire summer going back and forth to make more memories with him. The …read more

Author Anne Roiphe’s latest book, Epilogue: A Memoir is about her day-to-day challenges of widowhood after losing her husband of nearly 40 years. She chronicles her efforts at “remaking” her life, adjusting to an everyday existence without her spouse.
WBUR has a podcast interview with Roiphe about her book and I think the comments on the site are just as interesting.
More than one commenter is male and reminds us that men lose spouses, too. It makes me wonder what my dad is going through after these couple of years without my mother.
If you’ve been around here for a …read more

One of my favorite people and writers, Metro Dad, lost his beloved father-in-law to cancer today.
You must read Pierre’s beautiful tribute.
My condolences to the family.

This past Sunday was the second anniversary of my mother’s death.
I would tell you how it went for me, but I was out of town and had my dates mixed up and I thought Sunday was the 19th rather than the 20th. When I finally became oriented to date and time, I did pretty well with the whole thing, it’s just really still so strange to me, almost surreal.
I didn’t talk to my dad that day because I was flying most of it, and I thought the significant day was the next day anyway.
I know he’s not going …read more

It’s been nearly 2 years (really?) since my mother died.
Tonight, I was cleaning out some stuff, and decided to tackle the box of things related to her funeral. You know them, the extra programs, the flower cards, the left over, “The Family of __________ thanks you for your sincere expression of sympathy”, cards.
It was all crammed in a box where I apparently thought I’d sort it out later.
Welcome to later.
Anyway, I was now prepared to get rid of most of it and I did, except for the most important things.
It’s hard for me to throw away …read more

There’s an excellent post at Caring.com by Paula Spencer.
In Questions I Wish I Had Asked Mom, Spencer brings up a good point, I wish I had asked my mother more questions about her side of things when she was dying.
It’s hard toward the end, because you are tuned into taking care of “business” and attending to physical needs.
Other than the types of questions in the article, the thing I most wish I had asked my mother was, “How do you know?” the day she told us she “had to go”.
While I fully realize that was probably none …read more

The New York Times blog, Shifting Careers has an article about working after a death in the family.
When my mother died (nearly 2 years ago? Really?) I was away from work for nearly 2 weeks. I am blessed with friends and a wonderful workplace, so things were fine, yet I worried anyway.
But, when I returned to work, it took an enormous amount of time for me to get my mind back at work, too.
Actually, my mind was pretty much on leave during her illness, too, but you just kind of go into survival mode and muddle through.
I …read more