Sarah is the founder of Break Free Beauty, a company dedicated to helping people love their bodies as they are. She speaks and writes on body image, self-esteem, health, success and spirituality. Sarah’s new book will be available on November 1.

Go Ahead and Pamper Yourself
By Sarah Maria

Gone are the days when self-pampering was considered overly-indulgent, self-aggrandizing or narcissistic, right? Well, if those days aren’t quite gone for you, hopefully they will be gone by the time you finish reading this post. Here we go:

Many of us have been raised with what I call delusional thought patterns. These are any thoughts that prevent us from knowing and experiencing ourselves as the inherently beautiful, perfect, glorious beings that we are and always have been. These are the thoughts that make us think we shouldn’t pamper ourselves. Maybe we don’t quite deserve it; maybe we haven’t worked hard enough. Maybe we will do it after we have finished this project; perhaps after we take care of everyone else. Maybe then we will pamper ourselves . . .

Here are some of the stories you might be telling yourself:

“Pampering myself is too expensive.”

“I should be working instead of playing.”

“I should be taking care of the kids.”

“I don’t really need whatever I think I need.”

“I don’t deserve to give myself what I really want.”

“I should be exercising.”

“I should be doing something productive.”

Pampering, love, affection, adoration, as if any of this had anything to do with merit! It does not. You don’t deserve to be pampered because you have earned it any more than a baby deserves to be fed, clothed, and changed. Consider a baby — would you ever say “Okay, I am going to feed you because you have been a good baby.” You would consider this parent to be completely deluded. You feed a baby simply because that is what should be done when a baby is hungry.

And yet this is the way we think we should love ourselves — that love and pampering should somehow be based on merit. We think that somehow we should only pamper ourselves when we have done something to deserve it. Wrong! There is no deserving of pampering — there is simply love longing to be realized. In the same way you would feed a hungry baby, so too should you give yourself what you need and honor the brilliance that you are. Love and pampering should be given to yourself with unlimited abandon — joyously, endlessly.

And how do you pamper yourself? Give yourself what you need in each moment — moment by moment. Do you need rest? Plan for rest. Do you need inspiration? Read the books that feed your soul. Do you need relaxation? Get a massage. Do you need clarity? Spend time in silence. Do you need support? Reach out to friends and loved ones. In each moment, life will tell you what you need. Listen. Listen and follow the guidance, the inner-wisdom that is always at your disposal. In every single moment, you have everything you need to give yourself what you need in that moment.

There is nothing more important than your well-being. The better you feel the more you can live the life you want to live. You cannot climb a summit if you are feeling depleted — you cannot conquer your inner-demons with a fragile and exhausted mind. The most effective people are not those who have been denied love, either by themselves or by others. Study after study demonstrates that the healthiest, most effective people are those who love with abandon. Deserving to be loved, pampered, and cherished doesn’t end when we become adults.

Consider this quote from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, who has influenced me most profoundly and whom you will see me quote often, since his wisdom is worth hearing again and again:

The unlimited is already perfect. You are perfect, only you don’t know it. Learn to know yourself and you will discover wonders. All you need is already within you; only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of the love you bear yourself; all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect. Deny yourself nothing — give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond.

You are love yearning for the perfectly lovable, and you, yourself, are the perfectly lovable that you long to experience. Give to yourself with unlimited abandon and you will discover that what you once considered selfish turns out to be the epitome of selflessness, for when you know yourself as love, you love everyone, unconditionally, unboundedly, eternally. You will discover that there never was anyone more deserving of love than you, no one more perfect than you, and no one to love other than yourself. Perfect your love of yourself and you will love everyone and no one perfectly.

©2009 Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently

(Image via stock.xchng)

Post from: Blisstree

Love Your Body, Love Your Life

Specifically, the study of 776 young adults found that females with an alcohol problem at age 24 were more than three times as likely to be obese at 27. The study also found that obese women at 27 were more than twice as likely to be depressed at 30. Females depressed at 27 were at increased risk for alcohol disorders when they were 30.

Carolyn McCarty, UW research associate professor of pediatrics and psychology, said:

“For women there is a great deal of overlap between these common emotional and health problems that span early adulthood. Men may develop one of these conditions but they don’t tend to lead to another one later on.”

McCarty said that the caloric intake often found with drinking alcohol may lead to weight gain, possibly explaining the connection between obesity and alcohol abuse. She said other women may substitute food for alcohol.

McCarty also believes that body image may play a role in the connection between obesity and depression. She believes that intervention programs addressing stress management and helping young women deal with situations and emotions may be beneficial to preventing the cycles of depression, alcohol abuse and obesity.

If you’ve suffered from any of these problems, do you think they were related?

(Image via stock.xchng)

Post from: Blisstree

New Links Among Common Diseases in Women

Glamour magazine wanted to find out what women really thought about their bodies, and more than that, why some women felt confident while others didn’t. They did their very first “body survey” in 1984. Do the words “leotards” and “high-impact aerobics” ring a bell at all? That was 1984. During that first survey, “75 percent of women surveyed felt they were too fat, and more than 60 percent said they were dissatisfied with or ashamed of their stomach, hips and thighs.”

Twenty-five years later, Glamour has done another survey, asking many of the same questions. They’ve found that “more than 40 percent of women still seem to be struggling with their body image.” However, there was one noticeable change. “Women under 30 are now 22 percent more likely to say they are happy with their bodies than older women are.” I know some of you women are thinking that is because younger women have better bodies in general, but it’s really more than that. For example, I’m much more comfortable with my body now and it’s heavier and less toned than it was in my 20s. In other words, age has a lot to do with things.

Women also said have professional success made them feel better about their body all over. Exercise made them feel good about certain body parts, as did having sex. Eating a healthy diet also worked. Glamour concluded that you should spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. (I second that!) After all, we all have “days” where we feel negative, so surrounding yourself with positive folks will help you get over negative self-talk quicker. In other words, all of us might have areas we don’t like, we are beautiful nonetheless. Don’t focus on what you think is negative. Chances are, you’re the only one that does.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Love Your Body?

At one point during this rather long and dry broadcast, Mr. Straw, commenting on the future leadership of Iraq, said: “We do have, I think, a right to say that we’ve got to be able to deal with Mr. A, or Mr. B, or Mr. C. We can’t deal with Mr. Nobody. And that’s the problem, OK?”

To which Condi suddenly shot back, without missing a beat, “…maybe what we will see is Ms. A or Ms. B or Ms. C….” Straw looked a little stunned.

Isn’t that great? I think Condi is so inspiring and brave, I wish she would consider running for something other than NFL commissioner.

Here’s something to ponder:
Can you think of a time in your career, when your instincts took over your business/common sense and withoug much thought, you stood up for something which was utterly important to you?

Post from: Blisstree

Applause for Condi