Just moments before I was able to escape the house – leaving Rick and Truman vegging in front of The Sandlot – I got an e-mail from Wendi telling me I HAD to see this YouTube video, which I did. I knew right then I had found my female soul mate. I’ve never met Jen Lancaster, but I am so in tune with that woman, we even share a name.

Jen’s pushing her new book, Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist’s Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer and my respect for her goes beyond appreciating that she’s larger than me (I like most people who are), but she has such a pleasant way of laughing at herself that makes me feel – dare I write the word – normal.

So instead of grabbing Color of Water, like a responsible person would, I nabbed all of Jen Landcaster’s books I could get my hands on – Such a Pretty Fat (mentioned earlier); Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office; Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?; and Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egoman… Self-Centered Smart Ass Phase.

With any luck, I’ll actually finish a book. And then I’ll tell you if I still love Jen. But if I don’t even crack a cover, it doesn’t really matter. Because I’ll be living the laid-back easy life at the beach with my best gal pals … at least until Sunday.

Bon voyage! (God, that literally means “Good Journey” in French!)

Image, Amazon
Video, YouTube, BookVideos.tv

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Loving ‘Such a Pretty Fat’

Image: sxc.hu

Maybe. But this discussion around what we have been discussing (work!) and the absence of much in the way of outside interests, prompted us to start our own little two person book club. It’s very exclusive.

The only problem is that I will literally devour a book. Whereas Paul likes to take his time and approach each chapter in small doses. Nothing wrong with that…except when I’m long done with the book and continuously asking…

“What part are you at now?”

But even though we don’t do a good job keeping pace with each other, it’s still fun to even laugh about that. Sure, we will eventually get around to discussing the book itself, but for right now I’ll wait for him to finish the last ten chapters and simply smile because I we both learned a little something new about each other.

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Couples That Stay Together, Read Together

Potluck and Karaoke and White Elephant Book Exchange.

That’s how the Between the Covers Book Club rocks Christmas!

Photo Source: Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

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Rock the Book Club

I would probably use far more expletives around my children if my husband didn’t crap his pants every freaking time and correct me as if I am the “naughty” child and he the parent.

Susie-Do lets her kid say “oh shit,” my husband would flip his wig. Somehow her kid knows not to say it in public. Some people are very touchy about cussing or potty mouth.

Sometimes an expletive is just plain called for.

I’ve discovered that my self-censorship in my everyday life has resulted in my behaving as though I have curse-word turrets syndrome at my book club.

Because I can.

It’s like I hold it in all month and every curse word I’ve held back comes gushing forward during that singular evening with my adult girlfriends. They just laugh hysterically (and probably wonder what I’m like at home).

It’s an indescribable pleasure to let the F-Word fly freely.

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Curse-Word Turrets

Both Thea and Amanda are the protagonists, except aren’t we supposed to like a protagonist? I don’t think I liked either one of these women particularly.

This book is an accurate look at the judgement and condescension felt by women on both sides of the working or staying home issue. It’s also an accurate portrayal of the fact that neither woman is thrilled about her choices. In fact, in many ways, both women are miserable about their choices.

At 6 – 12 weeks women in America face the two bad choices of abandon career or abandon baby. In this story one woman, Thea, chooses to abandon her career and the other woman, Amanda, chooses to abandon her baby. Because it’s such an emotional choice both women resent the other for her choice. That’s what I mean by accurate. It’s an accurate depiction of what happens when women have children and an accurate depiction of how they feel about the mother who makes a different choice.  Neither woman really finds a way out. Both just learn to accept and live with their respective choice.

To sum it up, neither woman likes her choice. The different women just hate one choice more than they hate the other. Then they get emotionally attached to the choice they hate the least. Then they react to the other woman out of a defensive place.

There are a few really good plot twists in The Other Mother: A Novel as well, but I will let you have those surprises. The Other Mother is a book worth reading, regardless of which mother you are. It will provide insight into what the other mothers in your life are thinking about you.

(Truthfully, it left kind of a bitter taste in my mouth about who we, as women, are being.)

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The Other Mother

Total Mushy Dorkball Warning.

As I sat at the table of 14 wonderful people at a dinner party last week I was in awe.

Awe of me. If I can risk boldness, self-love, pride, conceit -whatever you might think of a woman who is starting to expand her own realm of influence and concept of power.

I waited for many years to be invited into a really awesome book club of interesting women.

One day it occurred to me that I might actually wait my whole life and never, ever get that invitation. It was a sad thought. Completely unacceptable.
I was praying for it, when it occurred to me, “someone has to start something like that.”

If I wanted it, it stands to reason other women wanted it too. But, rejection is risky. It’s painful too. Especially if you’re an “other.” I’m the “other,” (in case, you hadn’t noticed).

I realized I wanted it bad enough to take the risk. I started inviting women to come to my book club. I was rejected over and over and over.

At one point I sat alone in a coffee shop for 45 minutes thinking okay, so there is no way in which this doesn’t suck. Then I saw two women get out of the car to meet me. Relief.

In under a year I’ve created a really, really awe-inspiring book club. Something warm and beautiful and fulfilling. Where my friendships were once barren and lacking of appreciation and respect for who I am, I now get to have Rachel Ray quality dinner parties with people who might not think exactly like me, but they do appreciate what I’m about.

At our first invite-the-spouses dinner party I looked around the table and realized that I was so glad about every single person there. Those who rejected my invitation wouldn’t have fit with the group in the right ways.

The women who said yes and showed up brought something completely unique and special to the group.

During the invitation process, I frequently heard a prompting in my ear or head that said, “announce the book club” and I had to take a deep breath and muster all my courage and step out of my comfort zone to do it.

As I find my own power, step out and risk more rejection and failure in attempts to get what I truly want, I’m getting more comfortable being me. As I do that, I am experiencing more joy and love. The joy, love and connection is making me more prone to weeping.

The party was the best party I’ve ever been too. The hostess, Cindy, set a table worthy of Martha Stewart. The women were smart and strong and warm and funny. The men were charming and gracious.

I didn’t know I could do that.

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Book Club Blessing

It’s worth reading for a couple of reasons. Not the least of which is the example of coping mechanism exhibited by Lee, wife of Bob.

What was the first thing she did when she found out Bob had been hit in Iraq? She went jogging.

Seriously.

First I thought this was insane. Then I realized not everyone on earth have a habit of using unhealthy negative coping strategies. For much of my life my “go to” would have more likely been smoking and maybe a drink or pill. Certainly it might involve food.

Thank God it’s within our power to change habits and behaviors. I quit smoking, don’t pop anymore pills and rarely drink. I work out quite a few times a week and take yoga. I learned to breathe deeply.

Turns out exercise is a pretty good coping strategy.

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In An Instant

Do you say your chosen full name in a powerful way? In the last chapter of Women & Money Suze Orman challenges us to say our full names as if we are proud of who we are and what we do. Why should that take so much courage for women?

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Naming of Me – W&M Book Club

• 41% of marriages end in divorce. (I commonly hear 50%, but she states 41%)
• Women live 6 years longer than men.
• Many women stay in violent relationships because she’s financially trapped.
• Many women stay in relationships with a cheating spouse for financial reasons.
• 2/3 of women have not talked to spouses about life insurance or preparing a will.
• 90% of women reported feeling financially insecure.
• Women are 2 times as likely to retire in poverty.
• 50% admit becoming a bag lady had crossed their minds.
• 1% of women gave themselves an “A” in financial knowledge and well-being.
• 80% of women said they would depend on social security at retirement.

When it comes to making decisions with money, you refuse to own your own power, to act in your best interest. . . You simply won’t bring yourself to take care of yourself financially, especially if those actions compete with taking care of those you love.

Save yourself with a seperate personal savings account.Why is it so controversial? It’s obviously an idea based on sound judgement. Suze certainly isn’t the first person to suggest that smart women protect themselves financially even when they are happily married.

Every woman should have her own savings account that is completely separate from any other savings account. . . There is no need to hide this account from anyone. There is nothing shameful or suspicious in establishing your own savings. Taking care of yourself is not secondary to everything else and everyone else. You deserve to have financial security that is all yourself, that you know you can always rely on in a personal emergency.

Suze actually never married and has never had this conversation with a husband.

I know all kinds of women who report that they or their own happily married mothers regularly stashed money away – just in case. It’s certainly not a new concept.

Certainly we all know a woman who got divorced because her husband of 25-30 years became unhappy and bored and didn’t want to be married anymore. We look at that woman with pity and wish it were different for her, but do we learn her lesson? It’s not an urban legend or a myth – it really happens every day. To real people. Women close enough to us that we can taste the bitterness of that reality.

I feel like waving a massive victory banner when we save as a family. We are making it as a combined effort. Someday there will be enough for my self.  It’s certainly a wise thing to do.

Suze Orman has a Save Yourself Plan with TD Ameritrade. If you open an account there between now and March  31, 2008 and save $50 per month for 12 consecutive months they will GIVE you $100. This translates to saving $600 and having $700 in your own personal savings account.

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Save Yourself With Savings, W&M Book Club

Shame and Blame are evil twins that keep us from moving forward in all kinds of things. Money is certainly no exception. Lord knows my marriage, like millions of others, has been nearly derailed from money problems and arguments over who has to bear the blame and shame.

Orman makes a great point that if we don’t stop saying things like,

Well my ex-husband, husband, parents, did it.
My husband, ex-husband, or parents wouldn’t let me
No one taught me how.

then we can’t move forward. At some point, you just have to cut your loses, acknowledge where you are and move on from there.

No time like the present.

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Blame & Shame, Ch. 3