Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love, by Dr. Christine B. Whelan, and published by Simon & Schuster, is a dating guide for smart, accomplished, single women.  SWANS, as Dr. Whelan refers to her book’s target audience – Strong Woman Achievers No Spouse – are truly capable of having it all.  Within the covers of this book, Dr. Whelan shatters the myth that smart women have to chose between a successful career and true love and she gives you the tools you need to find your way.

Use Marry Smart’s marriage calculator to figure out your exact odds of finding a spouse. Dr. Whelan includes sections on specific problem ares with  tips on subjects like “How To Talk About Your Accomplishments,” “10 Things SWANS want In a Man,” or how to navigate “Dating Worries For SWANS.”  Using personal stories that share the trials and tribulations of real-life SWANS, Dr. Christine Whelan explains that you are only limited by your doubts, not by the facts.

You can find out more about Dr. Christine B. Whelan by reading her biweekly relationship advice column at BustedHalo.com or by visiting Read Marry Smart.com

Image credit: Simon & Schuster.com

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Smart Women Marry Smart Men

Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmater, Patti Stanger, has written a book called, “Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.“  Included within the covers of this book are all the secrets Patti has learned throughout her successful career as a matchmaker. Patti Sanger knows what men are looking for and she knows what drives them away.  Use her “formula” and this could be the last Valentine’s Day that you spend date-less.

I’m giving away 3 copies of “Become Your Own Matchmaker:8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.” If you’d like an opportunity to win a copy for yourself, please leave me a comment, on this giveaway post, telling me a couple qualities that your perfect mate needs to possess.  I’ll announce our winners on Valentine’s Day.

Good luck!

Season Two of The Millionaire Matchmaker premieres on Bravo February 12th.

Image credit: Bravo.com

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Become Your Own Matchmaker – Win A Copy of Matchmaker Patti Sanger’s New Book For Valentine’s Day

*Did you know that your husband was The One fairly soon? 
 
No.  It took awhile.  Don’t get me wrong, I liked him a lot.  We got along very well and had a great time together from the beginning.  But I didn’t know he was “the one” until we’d been dating a few months.  And I think this is important for online daters to remember:  the right guy or girl doesn’t get delivered right to your inbox!  You have to take the time to get to know someone.
 
*What made him stand out from the other responses that you got?
 
His profile was nicely written and he had a good picture up.  
 
*Do you have any funny internet dating stories to share? 
 
I had a picture of one guy I was supposed to meet, and in the photo he had a alot of dark, thick, curly hair.  I arrived at the coffee shop where we agreed to meet, and looked around to see if he was there yet.  It didn’t appear that he was, so I grabbed a cup of chai and sat down to read.  At one point a guy came over and said “Excuse me, are you here to meet me?”  I looked up, saw that the guy was completely bald, and laughed.  (I had this “picture” in my mind with all the curly hair.)  I said, “Oh no.  I don’t think so.”  He sat back down.  A few minutes later he got up again and said, “I think I’m supposed to meet you.  Your name is Cherie, right?  I shaved my head earlier today.  That’s probably why you didn’t recognize me.”  I was so surprised at his appearanced I said, “Well what did you do that for!”
 

*Do you have any additional advice that is not in the book? 
 
Just this:  give Internet dating some time.  It’s not always a quick process.  Give it at least six months or a year before you give up on it.  It really IS a great way to meet people.
 
*Where else can readers find you?
 
At the “About Cherie” pages at any one of my blogs (http://www.diabetesnotes.com/about-cherie-burbach/) or via my website:  www.thedifferencenow.com.  
 
*Do you have any other dating how-tos planned?
 
I do, yes!  I’ve got at least one coming out in 2009.  Can’t tell you any more about it because I always like to wait until the book is ready to go.  But you’ll be the first one I tell when it’s out!

Thanks, Cherie!

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Author Interview: Cherie Burbach of “Internet Dating Is Not Like Ordering A Pizza”

Cherie shares advice on all aspects of setting up your online profile, including your pictures, your essay, your intro, and your search wording.  She talks about the next steps – making contact, dating, etc.

She writes in a conversational manner that is easy and entertaining to read. I don’t read a lot of nonfiction books, because my work is nonfiction and I’m immersed in facts and theories and products all day. I found Cherie’s book to be fun and I’m using her ideas to tweak my profile.

She gives great advice on that initial email, for example, keep it simple, direct, and to the point. Make a standard opener and go with it.  I’m not good at the initial email – I let them come to me and I think it’s time to change that approach. With Cherie’s tips I’m going to come up with something succinct and reach out to more men.  (Reach out to more men? That came out oddly…….)  In addition, I have to be less afraid of rejection, because the more people I talk to, the more chances I have to find someone great.  Burbach, herself, went on 60 dates in 6 months before finding her Mr. Right online – and then she married him.

In addition to writing books on dating and poetry, Cherie Burbach blogs here at b5media. You can find her at Career and Kids and the entertainment blog, JLo Stalker, among others.

Cherie is allowing me the opportunity to giveaway one of her books here at Dating Dames. If you’d like to enter the Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza giveaway, please leave a comment that has something to do with internet dating – either a tip or a story.  I will be announcing the winner of the book later in the week.

Image credit: Barnes and Noble.com

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Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering A Pizza – Book Review and Giveaway

A new book, The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild – Not Away, by Whitney Casey, shares the secrets Casey has learned after interviewing more than 250 men. Want a little insight?  Most men prefer their dates to wear a sweet smelling perfume, rather than a floral scent.

Whitney Casey is a former Emmy winning television journalist who now writes a relationship column for the Houston Chronicle.

The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild, Not Away

While it’s great to suggest that a woman shouldn’t have to conform to unreasonable expectations of perfection in order to attract a guy and keep him, the reality in the dating world is somewhat different. Men are tactile, visual, and visceral, and a spectrum of factors—from the way a woman orders wine to the pictures she has next to her bed to how often she shaves—can be enough to turn a guy off…permanently.

With The Man Plan, relationship columnist Whitney Casey shares with women what men really think on a variety of issues, from the way women dress to how they take care of their cars. Including the opinions of a cross section of single men—as well as such notable personalities as Joel Osteen, P. Diddy, and Dr. Laura Berman—The Man Plan helps women identify the little issues that can make a big impression.

Image credit: Amazon.com

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Make a Better First Impression With the Man Plan

If you aren’t interested, well, why not? If you are, then take a look at this article in the Tampa Tribune. The man’s mom placed an ad in the paper calling herself, “Christmas Mother-in-law.” She’s serious about wanting to find her son a wife.

Want to know a little more? Jason has been divorced since 2003. He wants kids someday, In addition, he…

A Leo, he considers himself outgoing and passionate. He loves the outdoors, beach and mountains…he’s good-hearted. He volunteers with a group that works with teens with Down syndrome, taking them to the movies and showing them how to make change at the store.

“I don’t have kids,” he explains. “And that’s something I would like in the near future.”

He’s a graduate of Bloomingdale High and the University of South Florida. He likes ’80s music and the occasional Captain Morgan with Diet Coke.

With the exception of the ’80s music, he sounds pretty good. (Yes, I did grow up in the 80s, but I’m very particular about my oldies choices). Click here and you can see what he looks like. Pretty cute, nice smile. If you are interested then Jason’s mom would love to hear from you before Christmas. All you need to do is send a photograph and introduction to:

Christmas Mother-in Law, P.O. Box 11802, Blacksburg VA 24062.

She’ll respond with a thank-you note and send each reply to her son, who says he will meet with every person.

I know I’m definitely going to check back to see how this goes. I wish Tampa Jason and Christmas Mother-in-law good luck!

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Mother-in-law Seeks New Daughter-in-law For Christmas

Apparently, excluding gay and lesbian daters is turning out to be rather expensive. Today, I read that a Law Against Discrimination suit was filed against eHarmony after Eric McKinley was not allowed to contact another man on the site in 2005.

In July ‘07, the DCR issued a Finding of Probable Cause that eHarmony had violated the LAD, prompting the company to file a Motion for Reconsideration of the finding. (The motion was pending at the time of the settlement.)

Under the terms of the settlement, the company will pay him $5,000, plus dues of 10 times that amount to the state division to cover administrative costs.

As part of the settlement, eHarmony will be launching a site for same-sex daters called Compatible Partners by March 31. In addition, they will be offering 10,000 free 6-month subscriptions. This is a step in the right direction, but I would feel better about the company if they had been open to everybody in the first place. 

You can sign up to be notified when Compatible Partners goes live here.

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eHarmony Settles Discrimination Suit

Next time, why don’t you try a little mindfulness?  Mindfulness is a Buddhist technique that requires you to be fully present and aware in a given moment. For example, if you are mindfully preparing a meal, you take care with picking out the vegetables for a salad, washing each thoroughly, drying it completely, using a knife to chop each carrot into uniform pieces. Working in this way, a person slows down and thinks about the task in front of them, they don’t react rashly, there’s no lashing out. 

Christine B. Whelan, Ph.D. explains it this way………

In mental health terms, mindfulness is the awareness that emerges from focusing on the present and the ability to perceive — but not judge — your own emotions with detachment; it enables you to choose helpful responses to difficult situations rather than reacting out of habit. While Western thought separates religion and science, Buddhists see mindfulness as both a spiritual and psychological force.

Mindfulness therapies for depression have had well-documented success: Depressed people focus on the negatives, locking themselves into a destructive thought cycle that makes the depression worse. Mindfulness training helps them become aware of this cycle and snap out of it.

The same thing is true for couples gearing up for a rehash of an old argument, says Robyn Walser, a psychologist and co-author of “The Mindful Couple” (to be published in February by New Harbinger). “If you are aware of life as a process, not as an outcome, you step back from the argument. “

I think that this behavioral technique would be equally helpful in dealing with Steve or in dealing with my teenage daughter, Bailey.  Steve and I don’t fight, but we also aren’t great at getting to the important discussions. Avoiding trouble might be an easy fix now, but it’s not going to help any relationship in the long run.  Slow, steady, and mindful works best whether it be dating or cooking or …… well pretty much anything …….. anything that does not involve sports. (Especially NASCAR).

In Bay’s case, I know she would benefit from some mindfulness training. She tends to react to everything with anger and finds anyone and everyone to be a constant source of extreme frustration. (I am so thankful that I am not 16).

Christine B. Whelan, Ph.D.  has a new book coming out in January, entitled Marry Smart: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to True Love. Watch for my review of her book soon.

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What Would Buddha Do? Loving Mindfully

 

Nine year-old Alec Greven, wrote a relationship book called “How To Talk To Girls,” when he was eight. He said that he observed the behavior of fellow students, while on the playground, and by doing so, he was able to recognize what did and what did not work.

I work part time at an elementary school – I work the 3 lunch recesses. From what I’ve read of Alec Greven, the kid knows his stuff. Another interesting thing to note, recess is a microcosm of the rest of the World. The people who are beautiful on the outside are not always so beautiful on the inside. Girls like it when you comb your hair and don’t wear sweat pants. (This goes for both sexes – everyone appreciates some effort). Girls respond best when you are casually confident. Wash the pizza off of your face before heading outside and don’t pick your nose. Okay, those were all me, but it’s still good advice, even if I don’t have a book deal.

If you’ve been reading Dating Dames for awhile, you might have seen my advice from my ten year-old daughter, Sarah. Kids get things. They take something and they see it simply, where adults make it murky and ridiculously complicated. Adults examine motivation – why is he doing that? is he thinking this? is he thinking that? Adults analyze too much.  Kids get right to the business of being.

Here’s a bit of Alec’s insight: 

Well, pretty girls … all they care about is their looks. She doesn’t care about a boy liking her, or how a boy feels about her. It’s just, “Oh, do I look nice?” Regular girls can be pretty, too. Plus, a regular girl has other things on her mind and is fun to be around.

You want to walk up casually — you can’t look shy or nervous, like you’re doing something really important. Just say “Hi.” If she says “Hi” back, you’re off to a good start. What you want to do is let the girl do most of the talking, start off asking about stuff she likes to do and then let her talk. If you mess up, it’s not good. If the girl messes up, it’s OK.

image credit: Barnes and Noble.com

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Nine Year Old Boy Advises How To Talk To Girls

Image by aaron.groh
via Flickr

How about knowing that at the time of the shooting, she was labeled his “estranged” wife?

And I thought the only dangers of casual sex were STDs and pregnancy… wowza!

Am I the only one who doesn’t really think this was an accident?

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Quickie: Man accidentally shoots wife during sex