How to keep a relationship healthy, happy, and hot

In even the best marriages and relationships, there are days when you look at your partner and stifle the urge to stab him with your salad fork. But these bursts of acute anger are rarely what torpedo a marriage; instead it is usually chronic neglect that eats away at the fabric of a relationship. The old saw about familiarity breeding contempt may be overstating the case. Most of the time, rather than contempt, familiarity breeds flashes of bemused resignation or profound, soul-sucking boredom. It has been known to leave both men and women wondering: “is that all there is?”

We’ve all seen that couple at the next table in the restaurant, not a word passing between them as they stare off into the middle distance over each other’s’ shoulders. “That will never be us,” we agree confidently in that first blush of romance. But the distance from a deep emotional and physical connection to ennui and detachment isn’t as vast as we might think.

Image: Provided by Candace Karu

Keeping intimacy and interest alive in a relationship requires daily attention, the kind of attention we can so easily lavish on a thriving business or a beautiful garden. A relationship can flourish with a minimum amount of regular care. But neglect can cause it to sink before you know what hit you.

This kind of care comes in many forms, and the most effective isn’t all that difficult or time consuming. It’s not necessary to greet your beloved at the door swathed in cling wrap and a smile. Extravagant gestures, while certainly welcome on occasion, are not what keep a relationship strong. It is often the smallest considerations – a gentle caress as you pass in the kitchen or a heartfelt compliment in the company of friends – that make the difference in keeping love and interest alive.

Here are a few more ways you can keep the home fires burning:

Have a date night that is set in stone. Claim one night a week for the relationship and guard it fiercely. Go to a quiet restaurant or have a romantic meal at home. Break out the candles and the good china. Dim the lights and put on soft music. Dress up. Make him fall in love with you all over again.

Develop shared interests. Having a common passion, whether it’s collecting first editions or riding Harleys, keeps couples bonded in a very special way. Taking up a hobby that’s new to both of you is a great way to keep a relationship fresh and interesting.

Laugh. A lot.

Cultivate mutual friends. While the benefit of girlfriends and sacred girl time is incontrovertible, it’s also important to have friends as a couple. These friendships support your relationship and help keep it interesting. Expand your circle. Find new people you both like to be around.

Remind yourself of your partner’s most appealing qualities. It may be true that you’ve heard the story he’s telling 326 times, and he hasn’t done a load of laundry since the Bush administration – 41 not 43 – but take a minute every day to think back and remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place. The character traits that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship are still there; acknowledge and cherish them regularly.

It’s been said that women need intimacy to feel sexy and men need sex to feel intimate. This is a situation that can result in a sexual stalemate. Don’t let this happen to you. Physical intimacy – good sex – is relationship super glue. If you and your partner have a good sex life, keep it up. If sex is missing from your relationship, you need to get it back – stat! Break the stalemate; seduce your partner, even if you’re not in the mood. It’s amazing how fast the mood finds you once you’re in the moment. You won’t believe how quickly and positively men respond to feeling sexually attractive. Trust me, in this situation, everyone’s a winner!

Appreciate each other. Leave your partner a sexy note on his bathroom mirror. Surprise him with his favorite breakfast on a workday. Be his biggest fan and supporter.

We’re often reminded that relationships take work. And while it’s true that nothing good comes without effort, this is work that offers up huge dividends for very little effort. The result is a happy, healthy, and vibrant relationship – one of life’s greatest gifts.

Writer and designer Candace Karu is the Consumer Lifestyle Commentator for Cabot Creamery (www.cabotcheese.coop), makers of the world’s best cheddar. You can contact her with any questions or comments at cpkaru@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter @candacekaru.

Post from: Blisstree

Keeping the Home Fires Burning