I came across the e-mail of a former employer yesterday and decided to send her a brief “shout out” (I hate that phrase). I never expected her to write back, but she did…and I’m so glad.

I miss her terribly…isn’t that an odd thing to say about a boss?

Several years ago, this woman hired me to work for her at a very large financial institution. While I have an extensive marketing background, which is what the job required, my previous job was at a large European luxury car company.

You can imagine that working all day on marketing details for a car company would be quite different than at a financial institution.

It’s so rare that a transition such as that can be recognized by a perspective employer as potentially valuable…but she saw something in me.

Soon after I was hired, September 11th occured…and while we each tried our best to get on with business…it was nearly impossible.

Not only were our offices a block away from Ground Zero, Sr. management was trying to make critical changes to our department.

Shortly after those events, much of our tightly knit department began to dispand. Some of us were walking wounded, some of us couldn’t bear the political strain and some of us just couldn’t bear being in lower Manhattan anymore.

So, 4 years later, I’ve re-connected with the woman who was my mentor…and now she and I are each doing something completely new with our careers. I find it so fascinating how resilient the human spirit can be.

I’m so happy for her…I know she will be the success I knew she would be.

Cheers Evi Anne!

Image: Henry Stahlhut/Conde Nast

Post from: Blisstree

Cheers To A Former Boss.

If you are like me, you might consider saying something if you saw a parent hit a child, or if you saw a dog locked in a car, with the windows closed. But rarely does anyone ask this question: Would you say something if you saw a child hit a parent? You woldn’t dare, correct?

Recently, I witnessed a young mother and her two young children in the parking lot of a large supermarket with, with what looked like, a two year old boy in their cart and, a 5 year old girl walking beside them.

Suddenly, the five year old pushed her mother so hard in the back, the mom had to hold on more tightly to the cart. When they reached the car, the little girl started yelling at the mom, packages still in the cart, for her to open the door, “now!”

Of course, when I was growing up, I would have gotten a “who do you think you are” and a slap from my mother…but today? Perish the thought?

As I walked to my own car, I could not get the sight out of mind of this spoiled, aggressive, little brat and her innate sense of entitlement. I started to wonder, what is she going to be like in the office in about 15 years? How far in her career will her behavior get her (assuming she gets worse over the years, even with intense personal development training)?

The incident led my thoughts to wondering about the kinds of bosses there are out there, probably as many as there are personalities, right? — There’s the angry boss, the perfectionist boss, the “I just want to be loved” boss, the stab-you-in-the-back boss, the chauvanist boss, the “I’m smarter than my boss” (aren’t I?) boss — and the list goes on.

The type of manager with whom, I’ve most eagerly worked, have been the “fair and balanced” type…those who’d given me the autonomy I needed, those who insisted the work environment be team-oriented, and those who offered support and maybe a little nurturing.

I can’t picture this little girl as the empathetic boss…but if she continues on the path that she’s moving, she’ll become known as the bi*tch boss.

Post from: Blisstree

Child Boss.

But if you are an employee who has children or you are the care-taker of an elderly parent — Flex time can be a life-saver.

In many companies, “Flex Time” is a benefit given to employees who need a certain amount of balance between their personal and professional lives. It’s a incalculable benefit if you are an employee, but if you are the boss, the rules change significantly. In the May issue of O Magazine, writer Suzy Welsh provides advice to on how flex time needs to be both administered and observed.

Did you know for instance:

• Technically, flextime is full-time work, or close to it, but with an elastic, negotiated schedule. Still, some employees persist in seeing flextime as if it were a part-time deal in terms of hours or, worse, from a boss’s point of view, as a defined benefit, like the company dental plan.

Or this:

• Your boss sees flextime as an old-fashioned chit system in which the more you deliver, the more freedom you earn. To be blunt—no matter what the official company policy, bosses see flextime as a reward for outstanding performance. They don’t particularly like giving it to average players, and they loathe giving it to the barely-hanging-in-theres.


If you get a chance, check out this article, but more importantly, speak to your boss about what the policies are and how they can affect your work/home situation. You could be thinking one thing and your boss and colleagues could be thinking another. There may be some resentment that you may have to smooth out, or you may just have to re-think what your options are and what is expected.

Post from: Blisstree

Flex-time, schmex-time

Just returned from a few days in Vegas. It was a great trip, but there were certain things that had me thinking vacation is a lot like the office. Here’s my list of observations…let me know if any of these ring true for you. Read vacation = office:

• Vacation wardrobe worries = office wardrobe worries
• Men can wear the same outfit 2 days in a row = men can wear the same outfit 2 days in a row
• Fabulous 4 inch, silver strappy sandles = just as dumb a puchase as fabulous 4 inch “winter” boots
• The large, loud, obnoxious guy at the pool = the large, loud, obnoxious head of sales
• Mani/pedi/wax before trip = mani/pedi/highlights before job interview
• Trying to get young bartender’s attention = trying to get your ad agency to pay attention
• Idea for new marketing plans at cool pool bar = idea for new kitchen design during important meeting.
• Make-up application in sofly lit hotel bathroom = make-up application in company bathroom
• Make-up results at pool = just as hopeless as make up results in flourecent office light
• Young woman with perfect hair, nails and bathing suit = new, young marketing VP with perfect hair, nails, suits and research reports
• Loud, consecutive sounds of popping soda cans and plastic wrappers on plane = chatty admin assistant who talks on phone to her boyfriend endlessly
• Sleepy airport security = sleepy security guard in company lobby
• An off-site to a fabulous destination = not a fabulous destination if your boss is there too
• Group dinner with boss at fabulous destination = group cocktails with boss after work
• Husband zones out during romantic dinner after day of gambling = husband zones out during dinner after a day of work
• Miss dog on vacation = miss dog at work.

Post from: Blisstree

How Vacation Resembles Work?

At my last position, I worked for an abusive, power-mongering, workaholic at a very large company (see my earlier posts about not fitting in). This woman had it out for me the minute she joined our department. Once, she flat out told me, “you don’t act like an executive…” What did that MEAN!? I spent months trying to learn exactly how an executive acts.

Toward the end my tenure at this company, she filed a full blown performance complaint to Human Resources. It was based on not on actual transgressions, but generalized things she didn’t like, such as not managing meetings well (forgot the bagels one day) or not knowing how to yell at the legal department, so out of order, right?

The HR complaint set into motion 2 weeks of agony to try to remedy the situation…according to her, I had one month to “improve” or I could be let go. That in and of itself was mortifying, I’d never been reported to HR for my performance, and I didn’t really understand that once a Sr. person does something like this in a large company, you have absolutely no recourse.

So I decided to resign. On the day that I packed up all of my teeny belongings, she told me not to leave the building just yet, there was one last meeting. When I entered the room, all of my colleagues yelled “SURPRISE”. This moron, who had made my life a living hell was giving me a good bye cake, with a signed card no less. That meant that some poor assistant had to give up her lunch and organize this fiasco.

I wanted to crawl into the earth and cry…I was so embarrassed. I left the building, walked up town and had many cocktails that evening. For the next several months I did nothing but beat up on myself, obsessing over what had happened and why.

To this day, even with The Pet Set up and running, those memories still hurt…not because of my boss’s actions, but because I was too incompetent to avoid the situation in the first place…now THAT’S humiliating: allowing someone else to define who I am and then obsessing.

Post from: Blisstree

Food In Your Teeth

I often wonder who is our “authentic” self? The real you. The you who is the most comfortable, and as a result, the most productive? I was talking to someone about how corporate life doesn’t fit who I am, I “don’t fit the mold”…I think outside the box…people have said. I have to tell you, it took many, many years of self-reflection (and therapy) for me to understand that I may not have what it takes to rise up the corporate ranks–because you have to be a certain kind of person and think in a certain way to really make your mark in a large company.

And often what that means, (no disrespect whatsoever to successful corporate women here) is you have to be “street smart” not “book smart”. I have seen people go to such incredible lengths to move upward, without consideration of the actual job they were hired to do. I either don’t have the skill set or I find that to become the corporate giant that I thought I wanted to be, I would have to be a different Kim.

Coincidently, today’s topic on Oprah was this incredible notion that young girls and women are conditioned when they are little to hide their talents and gifts so as not to intimidate boys. Which means as early as 5, we are training ourselves be something we are not.

I could go in a million different directions with this post, but I’ll keep it simple–who is your “authentic self”?

Post from: Blisstree

Who Do You Think You Are?