The Decision to Snoop

There are definitely situations where the decision to take advantage of access to private information is the right decision.  Many cheaters and liars have been caught through reading emails or text messages.  It is a very serious decision to decide to snoop around on your partner and I only recommend this decision if you have other evidence that leads you to believe that your partner has been lying.

This is the most important aspect of this decision:  Do not make the decision to snoop unless you are fully prepared to confront your partner about your discovery and take appropriate actions to deal with the situation.  If you think your partner is cheating, finding the actual evidence is going to be mind-blowingly devastating and you need to emotionally prepare yourself to make decisions that will be the right ones for you and your future.

Snooping is not an action that should be taken lightly.  It should not be incorporated into your relationship as a regular activity.  If you decide to snoop it is because you are trying to find out if your partner has been dishonest with you and you are finally taking a step to discover the truth.  If you snoop once and find that your partner is being truthful and honest, have the self-restraint to not snoop again.  You found what you were looking for, so move forward in your relationship with trust and happiness.

The Decision Not To Snoop

In most relationships, the decision to respect each other’s privacy is the right one.  Snooping involves distrust and trust should be a strong element that exists at the base of your relationship.  If you are curious about your partner’s relationships with exes and friends of the opposite sex, that is not a reason to snoop.  Even if you have access to all of your partner’s private information, you should be happy that you trust each other enough to share that and not abuse it.

Snooping will always make you feel guilty and dirty.  It is not a good feeling to go behind your partner’s back, so always try direct communication and calm confrontation before resorting to snooping.  If you are caught snooping, you need to take responsibility for your actions and understand that you have put your relationship at risk by violating mutual trust.  If you are not caught, you risk developing a bad habit that will emotionally separate you from your partner as you sneak around and hide information that you have discovered.

Please take the issue of snooping in a relationship extremely seriously.  Even just quickly checking your partner’s emails or text messages can open the door to behavior that is hurtful and distrustful.  If you are feeling like making the decision to snoop, consider all of the consequences of losing trust in your relationship and truly consider what you are looking to find.

This behavior can be addictive and can become a self-destructive habit extremely quickly, so consider your reasons and consequences before committing to your actions.

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Post from: Blisstree

How To Decide If You Should Snoop

What about people who make you uncomfortable in your own home? How do you alert them that you would rather they not visit or call you?

I’ve always been much better with the written word than a face-to-face or phone conversation. Recently I found myself in just such a position. I had to alert a relative who makes me feel so uncomfortable that I would rather she not visit or call me – but rather if she had a message to relay, she could call my husbands cell phone and get word to us that way.

I’d made my request four different times in writing. Three times directly to her and once through a friend of the family. Those methods didn’t seem to work.

I’d been back into a corner and had no other option but to call. Thankfully I got the answering machine and was able to leave the message – but not without a quivering voice.

Isn’t it terrible that people can make you feel so horrible? And what I don’t understand is why they would want to to begin with.

I’m hoping the book Boundaries will help give me a more clear method to use – because apparently I’m going about this all wrong.

Post from: Blisstree

Creating Boundaries