Many years ago in the transitional period between college and “real life” I found myself floundering around a bit and was falling into the common problem of questioning who I was if I was alone away from a boyfriend or close friends and family.  This period of life is definitely extremely challenging and can result in intense feelings of loneliness, low self-confidence, and depression.  It’s common during this time to search online and in books for self-help resources and bits of advice to give yourself direction through this confusing time.  You might find something in your searching that really relates to your situation and helps you to feel stronger when you are down.

I came across a few little colorful cards with statements on them during that time that I posted on my wall because they reminded me of the importance of being strong and independent.  I came across these cards recently and I wanted to share them because even now just reading them reminds me that just saying the words out loud can sometimes have a big effect on how you feel about yourself.  Here are my special cards:

• My positive thoughts create a positive life.
• You can reshape your thinking so that you never have to think in negatives again.  You and only you choose your thoughts.
• My destiny is mine to control.
• When you acquire enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, it’s almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else.
• When you are at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to be self-destructive.
• I love myself — body, mind, and soul.

These statements are so simple, but so strong!  If you find yourself in a lonely place where you might be struggling with a recent break-up or living in a new city by yourself, try reading these statements and see if they can bring some strength to you as well.

Post from: Blisstree

It All Starts With Loving Yourself

This abrupt and unexpected type of break-up can be the most emotionally crushing, but surprisingly with some time and mental control, can be one of the easiest to get over.  If you have just suffered from this experience, here are the steps to take to re-evaluate your view of the situation and find a way to pull yourself out of the depression that it may be causing you.

• Take care of yourself. You probably feel desperate, anxious, out of control, and like your whole world has just come crashing down around you.  Slow down, breathe, and realize that the world is still a wonderful place to live in.  Don’t punish yourself for what happened!  You deserve to be loved and you can start by loving yourself.

• Give yourself time. It is completely normal to feel sad and uncomfortable in your life now that you are alone.  Let yourself be sad for a little while.  It’s good to know that you are a human who can feel deeply and has the ability to care about someone.   Love yourself for being able to love someone else and accept that it will take time to move on and heal completely from this.

• Don’t try to get him back. Don’t focus your efforts on him.  Focus your efforts on healing yourself.  If he dumped you then you were not a perfect match and you need to let each of you go your separate ways.  It is hard to accept that you no longer have a future together, but the sooner you accept that then the sooner you will find happiness in your life.

• Re-evaluate your interpretation of the relationship. It is clear now that you are broken up that there was something missing in the relationship.  What was it?  Look back at your time together and be realistic.  Everything wasn’t perfect.  Try to understand where the problems were so that you can notice them next time you are in a relationship.  You had love blinders on and didn’t see the reality of the situation.  But maybe you can see it now and learn from it…

• It wasn’t a match. Regardless of how you felt about him, he wasn’t the one.  Everyone is different and everyone is looking for something different in their mate.  The sad reality is that he just wasn’t looking for you.  If you truly love him, then you will want him to find the person that is his match and will make him happy.  Whatever happened between you does not change who you are.  For now, focus on being the best person that you can be on your own.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

He Was The One and He Broke My Heart

If you have encountered this problem in your life, here are some tips for how to deal with it so that you can, hopefully, maintain a friendship and your own happiness:

• Give him another chance. Sometimes new boyfriends can make a bad first impression.  You might have judged him too quickly.  Set your first impression aside and try to have an open and positive mind about his role in your friend’s life.

• Spend some time one-on-one with him. If you dislike the guy already, this probably sounds absolutely crazy…but it will definitely give you a chance to talk openly and maybe ask some questions (in a non-confrontational way please!) that you have been wanting to ask and help him to feel more comfortable.

• Don’t try to break them up. You have to realize that you will never understand what goes on between two people in a relationship.  Unless you think your friend is in danger (an abusive relationship breaks all rules) it is not appropriate to encourage her to break-up with him.  This will only alienate you and cause tension for everyone involved.  Learn when you need to bite your tongue.

• Don’t talk behind their backs. Once you decide you don’t like someone, it’s pretty easy to exacerbate the issue by talking about it all the time…especially if you get someone else on your side!  Make observations, speak honestly about your concerns, but generally keep your thoughts to yourself.

• Annoying is not grounds for break-up.  This is very important!!  It’s definitely possible that you just find the boyfriend to be annoying.  This is unfortunate, but definitely not a reason why they should break-up.  Everyone likes something different in everyone else and she probably finds his annoying tendencies to be cute and sweet.  Try to put aside annoyances and see if you still dislike him.

• Spend time one-on-one with her.  If you find that after trying your hardest to see the goodness in this guy that you still can’t, then schedule girl time with your friend without her boyfriend.  You still don’t need to unload about your dislike for her boyfriend.  Instead suggest a “girl’s night” where you can enjoy each other’s company without your significant others.  You will be able to maintain your friendship without worrying about the boyfriend.

Image: Flickr

Post from: Blisstree

I Don’t Like My Friend’s Boyfriend

Dating and relationships are all good when two people are still working on making things work but when the time comes that things get sour and they’re just seemingly too caught up to properly end things — salvage the friendship, at least — the break up process may just turn real bad.

Personally, I’m really bad at handling break ups (as if I’ve been through many, eh?) that’s probably why I hardly talk about them. Twas a great thing to have come across this article which sparked up an idea that I couldn’t have been able to communicate to you guys as effectively.

“Believe it or not, most bad breakups are preventable, given two things: 1) Both parties grasp that there’s a difference between expectations and reality, and 2) The person whose reality defies the other person’s expectations is honest about the discord. The ideal exit strategy is actually quite simple: Be honest, courteous and resolute. This requires a great deal of courage, but so does dating, and if we can muster enough guts for the purposes of initiating something, doesn’t it only make sense that we scrounge up enough to end what we started in the same way?” (Source: thehoya.com)

I guess, one of the things I’ve learned over time is it’s never worth staying in a relationship that will only pull you down, making you miss experiencing the prime of your life. Another is that bad break ups can actually ruin your perspective on things, which can also be a reason for you to miss certain things in life just because you failed to see the glass half full. So, wouldn’t you agree that it’s better to go about ending things in an amicable manner? Like what was said in the article (though paraphrased), were you not mature enough to enter into a relationship that ending it in the same manner is something that can be expected of you?

I guess this is something we all should think about. Any additional thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

What You Need Is A Good Exit Plan

Going back to Gayla’s post on the website that will help you generate a break up letter, I went ahead and tried it out myself. Gayla did say that it’s easy cuz all I had to do was tick the boxes, right? Hehe

Please note that this is fictitious and all done for fun.

Read the letter after the fold.

Dear ali,

I’m writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I can’t believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it’s as if you think you’re actually somebody. I know you’ll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you’re a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won’t believe you. You couldn’t even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you’d cheat on me too, a**hole. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can’t actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. I’m fed up with kissing an ashtray and seeing you waste your money on cancer sticks every day. It’s disgusting. Frankly, you just don’t care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here’s some food for thought: you’re an a**hole!

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. You don’t live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama.

Sorry, but you’re not even worth keeping as a friend. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I’ll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy yourself!
sasha

(Author made necessary edits)

I couldn’t help but laugh! Can you imagine just how many boxes I ticked? LOL. Omigod. Does this really happen? Personally, I’m not really capable of writing such a letter. Waitaminute! Scratch that. I actually can write a letter but to actually have him read it, no matter how much of a jerk the ex was, I simply can’t. I’ll probably just write it to let out some steam then rip it to shreds.

Thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Sharing a Break Up Letter

Here are a few of my guesses and theories, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

1. No Grudges
No blaming nor pointing fingers. The subject of past mistakes will never re-surface in arguments.

2. Acceptance of the Past
He cheated. She lied. Both will drop the subject and accept why it happened and that it happened. See #5.

3. Making New and Different Plans
Starting over means a brand new chance to do things over.

4. Getting to Know Each Other All Over Again
Starting over also means both will act as if they’re virgins with regards to relationships.

5. Forgiveness
You’ll need this to reach #1 and #2. Tricky business, this whole clean slate thing, yeah?

Have I covered everything?

Anyway, as you can see, it’s not that these five points have low probability of ever happening, it’s just that I have this nagging feeling that though present, effort will never be 100%. Perhaps it’s the cynic in me. Or perhaps it’s the reality of being human. I just think that starting over with a clean slate is idyllic and pure romanticism. Sure we can try but ‘clean slate’ it won’t be.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

Post from: Blisstree

Starting Over, Clean Slate

Pretty reaching, eh?

I was left baffled by the statement and I had to pause and digest what he said. I had to ask myself, “can the heat cause break ups?”

I have no scientific proof to support this somewhat weird theory. My mind can’t reconcile the facts and ideas. I simply find it ludicrous.

Sure, the heat can trigger or heighten irritations. It can push a person to be annoyed at the slightest mistake. It’s up to the couple on how they will handle this sort of situation. They can either be understanding of each other or, er, not. And with this same “heat” you find an excuse to jump under the shower with someone? Bottomline is, I still believe that it’s not the weather’s fault that you guys break up (or hook up), right? It’s the fact that you couldn’t find a better solution to pacify the situation or use sound judgment. I mean, does that say someone can plead temporary insanity brought about by the heat, so, can be excused from what transpired in that situation? I find it a bit silly.

How about you? Do you think that the weather can play a role in making or breaking relationships? I’d really like to know.

Post from: Blisstree

Does the weather play a role in making or breaking relationships?

I can never assume utmost certainty regarding this theory because I am not a man. I can’t begin to fathom how break ups affect them. However, this theory presents an angle that is oftentimes overlooked and overstated. Does that makes sense to you? Well, let me explain.

I believe that women are emotional creatures and yea, we do have the tendency to over-drama-tise a life occurence. We have the tendency to hold on to past hurts more than men do. With that said, people around such individuals tend to overlook it since they have grown to believe that it’s overstated. Now, did I make sense? (I hope so. If not — oh, dear.)

My head is filled with my own thoughts on the matter, so, I reckon throwing the question to you guys would help me see it in a new light. What do you think of this theory? Do women really hurt longer and deeper after break ups?

Post from: Blisstree

Women Hurt Longer and Deeper

Now, as I reveal these secrets (you’ll have to visit their article to see the reasoning behind the reason) I’d like for you, the Dating Dames readers, to see just how much of a role each one plays in your life, if at all.

10. Pretend to be virtuous
9. Criticize other women
8. Act jealous

7. Become needy
6. Speak in code
5. Invade our personal space
4. Become too emotional
3. Shop till they drop
2. Talk incessantly
1. Use sex as a weapon

I think the only one I’ve never been guilty of – or that’s never ruined any relationship I ever had is the shopping.  I think I’m one of a handful of women on the planet that really thinks MALL is a four letter word.

Now, on the otherhand, the one that presented the largest battle for me to overcome was my battle with jealousy.  After having been cheated on by a coupld of former loves, I found it very difficult to trust anyone, EVER!

I did finally recognize this emotional flaw I carried and did my best to address it and overcome it.  It was worse than ever quitting smoking – by far, the hardest habit I’ve ever had to break.  But I did!

I realized that IF a relationship was causing enough problems to invite jealousy, that was enough cause for me to leave.

In the end, no one or no relationship was worth that great of a sacrifice.

Now it’s your turn!  Com’on, I know you’re guilty!

Post from: Blisstree

Men Confess the 10 Annoying Things Women Do

Pop star Aaron Carter wants his ex-fiancee Kari Ann Peniche to give back $10,000 earrings he bought her during their nine-day engagement.

The singer, 18, asked former Miss Teen USA and Playboy model Peniche, 22, to marry him on stage at the Playboy Hollywood Comedy Tour in Las Vegas, Nev., on September 19.

However, on September 25, Carter realized he was too young to marry and ended both their relationship and engagement.

Carter tells Page Six, “It was just a big mess. She was pretty upset, but I just realized I made a mistake.

“I bought her earrings for $10,000. And I need to get ‘em, back. I need to get ‘em back!”

Ok, here’s my take on this…

If the earrings weren’t given to her as a gift on a holiday – she must give them back.  That includes any engagement ring he may have purchased and the likes.  It’s just the proper thing to do!

I’m not exactly sure what he could do with them other than return them, but there’s always the re-gifting option.

Of course it would be just downright tacky to re-gift them to a new girlfriend, so I’d be willing to take them off Aaron’s hands.  After all, we wouldn’t want those horrible memories haunting him now, would we?

What do you think?  Should she give the earrings back?  Is Aaron way out of line for asking for them back?

Where do YOU draw the line in what gifts of love stay with the ex and which ones get returned?

source

Post from: Blisstree

Aaron Carter wants his bling back