Closure represented a sort of door. Open door=pain. Closed door=healing.  No closed door ever truly changed the way I felt. It could not be that easy.

I was in a relationship that had no clear breakup. He simply stopped answering his phone. A few months later, there was a small amount of communication and eventually the whole ugly story came out (via another party, not my ex). I felt angry and closure was the last thing on my mind. I did not want to talk to him. I wanted him completely out of my head. I wanted him to disappear. I ignored contact from him. I got angry with my friends when they spoke about him. I got really angry when they relayed messages from him. The anger was bothering me and creating problems in other areas of my life.

Finally, I felt that enough was enough. I wanted any mention of him to stop. He did not mean anything to me other than a big ball of angry regret in my belly. I wanted to truly make him disappear. I wanted closure.

So, I emailed him. He answered. I said what I had to say and in very little time that anger changed to pity. Now I feel at peace. No angry ball in my belly – just the usual chocolate cravings. 

I feel free now that I’m out from under the weight of all that anger. Could I be friends with him now? Oh, hell no.  I still think he’s an ass. The important thing is that I don’t care enough about him to hate him any longer.

Here’s the key – closure is about you, not your ex.

I was wrong about the closure before. I did not understand it. It is important. It is healing. If you’ve been contemplating it, give it a try. 

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Got Me Some Of That Closure

I recently did some research on this subject, and all the experts disagreed on the correct amount of time of various stages…when is the right time to have sex? To move in together? To get engaged? To get married? The correct answer is that it depends on the relationship.

Last year, my best friend and the guy she was dating (on and off, for about three years) introduced their good friends. Over a shared happy hour, they shared a double date and various levels of small talk.

A year later, the newly-introduced couple is engaged. My best friend and her then-guy? Off-again.

It’s so hard to not have mixed feelings when this happens – especially since my best friend has been asked to be the maid of honor in the wedding of these people she introduced, and her now ex will also be in the wedding party. Awkward much? How can she not feel a little resentful, seeing how the people she set up succeeded and her own relationship did not?

The correct response is to be a good friend, and know that one relationship has nothing to do with another. They all have their own factors and situations. Still..we’re all human, and this sort of sucks.

Me, I’m just hoping for a well-stocked cocktail hour. It’s going to be a long night.

Image: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Timelines of Dating