Another form of parenting consists of caring for one’s parents or elderly relatives. You’ve gone from being parented to parenting that older person.   Most caregivers go into this stage of life without adequate preparation or support.

Finding caregiver support groups in your area, or online, can be a challenge.  Here are a few suggestions.

Check out the following places in your community to see if they have a support group or know of any:

• Home health agencies
• Senior Center
• Local Hospital
• Local Nursing homes
• State Alzheimer’s Association
• State Department of the Elderly or Family Services
• Others caring for elderly parents or spouses

If there is nothing in your community, the groups meet when you’re at work, or you live too far from an organized community, you might want to check out online support groups.  Also, by reading blogs about Alzheimer’s caregiving and leaving comments that the blogger and other readers might answer, you’ll feel more connected with the caregiver community and not so alone.

What suggestions do you have? Are there particular caregiver groups/organizations you find particularly helpful.

Many parents are caring for children still at home while becoming responsible for their parents. They’re that “generation between” or the “sandwich generation,” who are parenting in two directions.

When I cared for Mother and Auntie,  I had my dad and my uncle who needed assistance, too.  Father and Uncle Al had physical problems but not dementia or Alzheimer’s.  Mother remained my responsibility for eight years after the others passed away.

My daughter was grown and caring for her children.  So, even though I helped with grandchildren, I didn’t have full responsibility, as many of you do with younger children at home.

The balancing act is such challenge that you do need others to support you, even beyond family members.  Find support groups, both online and off.  Attend workshops that will give you insight and information.

Above all, take care of yourself. Find some time for yourself.  You must realize you are important and the balance of everything rests on you.  Caregiving for parents, along with children,  may not be a responsibility you sought, but it’s there.

Maintain a sense of humor. You’ll find those you are caring for generally respond better when there is laughter around.  You’ll feel better for it, too.

Share with us here some of your secrets of coping.

One of my readers commented on my post, Parenting More Than Our Children, that few things prepare us for the role reversal of caring for our parents.  Often we’re caring for our own children, too.

I agree.  I wasn’t prepared, and it seems so strange at first. However, I learned to enjoy Mother and Auntie as they journeyed through their Alzheimer’s world. There were frustrations, disappointments, but rewards, too. My daughter and her children’s lives are richer, as well, by caring for these ladies. The memories are often bittersweet, but this was a stage in their lives that I hoped we made easier for them.

Some tips on how to prepare yourself:

• Once I realized I’d be caregiver for Mother and Auntie, I took advantage of workshops and lectures offered by a local nursing home.  This gave me insight into various aspects of caregiving.
• I found a support group.  Actually in my case, it was my neighbor who was caregiver for her great aunt.  We discussed the challenges, the joys, and discovered resources.
• I tried to learn all I could from reading and workshops. and look at the world through  Mother and Auntie’s eyes.  They taken ill with Alzheimer’s before there was much on the Internet.  Today, check out Internet resources for information.
• Start your own blog;  visit other web sites and blogs to learn how others are coping.
• Communicate with family members as much as possible and enlist their help.  Discuss the situation and your feelings.

How are you preparing for parenting your parents, spouse or elderly family members?

QuiltingAndPatchwork.com

 What can one write in six words to express their life? Carol O’Dell, author of Mothering Mother and More, tagged my Alzheimer’s Notes blog for this meme, Is Your Life a Six Word Memoir?  So I thought I’d share this with my readers here.

What words can I use? What words can you use to describe your life?  This would vary at different stages in my life. I can include experiences now that I didn’t several years ago.

Wife, mother, grandmother, author, quilter, and visionary  come to mind. I’m also a teacher, speaker and business woman. However, the first six seem to encompass the others. Also, as the years roll by, I realize we still can visualize our dreams and work toward achieving them.

I’m not going to specifically tag anyone for this meme. However, if you’d like to participate, leave a 6-word memoir as a comment below, or go to Carol O’Dell’s blog (link above) and follow the directions.

At least it will give you something to think about…directions for your life, thoughts about where you’ve been and what you’ve become.

(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen