A cascade of studies in recent years has shown that caregivers stand at particular risk for a host of mental and physical illnesses, many of which have roots in stress, exhaustion, and self-neglect—symptoms some medical professionals have begun calling caregiver syndrome.

Ms. Crute’s article relates caregiver stories, how some found help, what others can do, and the statistics about the growing need to care for the caregivers.  She also mentions an AARP guide, Caring for Your Parents: the Complete AARP Guide, among other books.

Another Ms. Crute refers to is The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers by Barry J. Jacobs. 

What books and organizations have you found helpful in caring for yourself as a caregiver or have recommended to a caregiver you know?

Post from: Blisstree

Taking Care of the Caregivers

With Alzheimer’s so prominently in the news, caregivers and administrators may find themselves the subject of interviews.  Those who write about Alzheimer’s and caregiving often are in the news or interviewed online.

The next question…“What do I do if someone wants to interview me?”

You’ll find 5 great tips at the b5media Business Channel’s Home Biz Notes (5 Top Tips for Newspaper Interviews) with further expansion at Pimp Your Work (Top 5 Interview Tips). 

Part 3 of the Business Channel’s “Apprentice” type challenge consisted of our giving interview tips to Kay whose prototype business  supplies chef’s hats and aprons for kids.  A newspaper reporter has asked Kay for an interview; she  wondered what to expect and how to prepare.

The tips are fairly general.  So if you’re asked for an interview from a newspaper reporter or magazine columnist, you should find most of these helpful, even if you’re not operating a business.

If you’ve been interviewed, perhaps you have some other tips to share.

(Interviews via e-mail for online publications are a different story, but very popular nowadays.)

Post from: Blisstree

5 Interview Tips for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver or Nursing Home Administrator

Our friends and family understood that we needed to get away, but they didn’t seem to understand Gram’s sad resentment at the thought of being left behind. With the power of hindsight, however, I think we were the ones who didn’t understand it. Gram’s resentment was a product of her dementia. It really had nothing to do with us or the way we took care of her.

So often, as caregivers, we give up our lives to care for a family member with Alzheimer’s.  Sometimes this leads to resentment for that person and other family members who don’t feel that need participate in the caregiving.

Yes, some sacrifice is inevitable.  And often we feel we owe that parent because they cared for us when we were younger.  It’s also difficult to find respite care for the Alzheimer’s patient.  If friends and neighbors offer to help, we seem to feel we’re imposing if we ask them again.

 As the author of the above article concludes, “We owed it to her as well as to ourselves to take better care of ourselves.”

There is a balance between sacrificing yourself and caring for yourself so you can be a better caregiver.  Each person has to find their own balance, but learn from others what they’ve done and how they’ve managed.   

Liz’s post, Alzheimer’s Disease Resources: Caring for the Caregiver , offers a good list of places to check out for ideas and assistance. 

 Also, check out some of the books available for aiding the caregiver.

Post from: Blisstree

Sacrificing Yourself for the Alzheimer’s Patient

The article is only one part of the comprehensive collection of caregiving information that can be found on the AARP site. Their online guide to caregiving features numerous informative articles, a caregiving message board, newsletter, and online seminars.

Post from: Blisstree

Alzheimer’s resources: AARP Online Guide to Caregiving.

                   

Carol O’Dell visits us today at Alzheimer’s Notes to share her thoughts concerning Mothering Mother, a humorous and heartbreaking memoir about caring for her mother who developed Parkinson’s disease and a heart condition.  Carol faced situations many of us have in caring for a family member afflicted with Alzheimer’s.  The world of caregiving has many commonalities and brings us together to share, to cry, to laugh…and then realize, “It’s okay.  Someone else felt like this, too.  I’m not alone.”

(If you’d like to read an excerpt from Mothering Mother, visit her web site.  )

Mary Emma – People often ask me why I wrote a specific book or where I got the idea.  So I’ll ask you, Carol, why you decided to write about your experiences with your mother during her journey through Parkinson’s and yours in caregiving?

Carol – I already had begun writing and had published many short stories, essays and articles — and had two finished, but unsold novels before my mother moved in with my family and me.  I decided that writing, speaking and teaching was what I wanted to do “when I grew up.”  So, of course, my mother needed full-time care and the commitment to my writing career was tested.  It was both natural and necessary for me to write about my experience as a caregiver.  I write to understand others, myself and work out life.  I thought long and hard before choosing to become open and vulnerable with my life and the life of my family.  This was not a flippant, casual decision.

Of course, I wondered what people would think, particularly family and friends, and if my mother, even though she had passed away, would object.  In the end, I decided that my story could do more good than harm.  Being real and honest and helping others feel less alone, less heartbroken has been a privilege.  I’ve received countless emails and letters expressing reader’s relief and peace after reading Mothering Mother.  In my heart, I truly believe I made the right decision — and that my mother would have been proud.

Mary Emma – I’ve often had caregivers say they want to forget those difficult times caring for a parent or spouse.  Did you find it difficult to relive some of these memories as you wrote your book?

Carol - Yes, and no.  After you revise and edit a book more than a dozen times, the sting begins to wear off.  I found that even the revision process was carthartic.  I also found that perhaps because I had journaled the entire time, and I had looked at it as carefully as a writer, I had processed some of the pain and was able to move on with my life easier and with greater joy.  Avoiding pain and sorrow is often referred to as denial, and denial is just postponement.  Eventually, you have to take that deep breath and learn to embrace and incorporate your experiences.  I don’t say this lightly.  It wasn’t easy, but I’m grateful.

Mary Emma - Have you found since the release of your book that you’ve been introduced to people who’ve needed the help and comfort your book might provide? 

Carol - Yes!  I’ve met wonderful, wonderful people.  I’ve stood in bookstores, seminars, and support groups and laughed and cried and hugged.  I’ve heard heart-wrenching stories, and side-splitting hilarious stories, and connected with people very quickly on a very deep level because of our shared experiences.  I have so many stories – at my very first booksigning, I chatted with this one woman who had recently lost her mother to Alzheimer’s.  She bought my book, I signed it, and then after she left the store she rushed back in, her eyes filled with question and sorrow.  She asked me, “When will I start to look and feel like myself again?”

Mary Emma - How have you coped since your mother’s death?  Someone I talked with said she had a very difficult time after her mother, afflicted with Alzheimer’s, died. 

Carol – As I mentioned before, I truly believe journaling helped tremendously in the healing process.   I definitely felt lost at first, then euphoric (it’s an odd sensation, but happens after losing a loved one – all that adrenaline), then sentimental, and then after a year perhaps, I started to feel a little more steady.  Today, just over three years later, I’m amazed at how very much I’m still learning — from my mother (I swear, she “talks” and teaches me more now than she ever did — and I listen more now, for sure) and from talking with others about caregiving.  I find new revelations all the time.

Mary Emma – What would you like readers to learn or take away from Mothering Mother?

Carol – How very strong we are, as a family, in our ability to love, and as a caregiver.  That they’re not alone, that they can ask for help, that they can not only survive, but thrive in difficult and challenging times.  How very important and necessary caregiving is to society, and honored it is to be an intimate part of a loved one’s life – and how necessary all this is in their own life, and the continued maturing and transformation of self.  Some people “get” this while others are scared – to be vulnerable – to give so much of themselves, and to let others care for them.  I hope Mothering Mother gets them talking — about what they think they’ll do and  not do.  Open dialogue, that’s that I hope for.

Mary Emma  - Is there anything else you’d like to share about your book, your life, your writing?

Carol – The prequel to Mothering Mother is now under consideration at my publisher’s.  Feel free to visit www.kunati.com and drop an email to the publisher and let him know you’d love to read Said Child.  It’s about my adoption at age four, about finding where I belong, about finding my birth family at age 23, and then learning to love and accept two families.  Again, it’s about forgiveness, family, faith, and belonging.  (And it’s grittier, meatier, and in some ways, deeper than Mothering Mother. )

Carol also is running a contest in conjunction with her virtual blog tour.  There are three ways to enter.  Visit her webpage at www.mothering-mother.com for the details or e-mail carol at writecarol@comcast.com .  You won’t want to miss the opportunity.

Thank you, Carol, for visiting Alzheimer’s Notes.  You have so very much to share, as well as comfort and understanding to offer. 

Post from: Blisstree

Carol O’Dell, Author of Mothering Mother, Visits Alzheimer’s Notes

At the San Luis Obispo County website, we learn about Martha and Catherine Talavera, Siblings Take on the Challenge of Caring for Their Ailing Mother.  When their mother, Frances,  experienced several strokes and needed full time care, the sisters responded by changing their lives and all three living in Catherine’s home.  Martha gave up her job while Catherine works full time from her home office. 

You can read more about their story, why they decided to change their lives and where they’re finding support and encouragement. Each family’s situation is different, but perhaps you can glean some insight by reading about Martha, Catherine and Frances’ story.

Post from: Blisstree

One Family’s Solution for Caregiving

However, it’s difficult to think that way when you may have been promised something for your work, yet find the patient’s will states otherwise…a will made years before and never changed…or never was made at all.  Or you find that medical and other bills consumed anything that was left.

At the Caregivingblog.com I found an interesting post on this topic, Waiting for the Caregiver’s Reward, with an amusing twist (to us who aren’t involved, but probably not for heirs) about “The Lesson of Leona’s Dog” and the fact that Leona Helmsley left 12 million for the care of her dog, Trouble.

Post from: Blisstree

Inheritance Rewards & Disappointments for Alzheimer’s Caregivers

Yvonne Russell set me thinking about music when I read her post, Whistle While You Write…7 Songs Meme, at Grow Your Writing Business blog.  Although Yvonne didn’t tag anyone for the meme (ask anyone specific to share their favorite songs), she invited readers to share their thoughts about music.

I generally prefer quiet music, relaxing music, yet something with an upbeat tempo.  Mother enjoyed songs like You Are My Sunshine, She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain, Red River Valley and a variety of hymns.  (Those were the songs of her youth…and the era where she thought she was at that point in time.)

I discovered Native American flute music when Jim and I visited Sedona, AZ.  Music from the Civil War era fascinates me.  I can visualize the ladies making quilts to send to the soldiers while softly singing some of these songs.  Yanni’s songs are others I find enjoyable.

Think about it…  What type of music do you like to listen to and share with your family member as you go about your daily tasks of caregiving.  Often the bond of shared music can relieve tension and frustration.  Soft background music may be relaxing for both of you.  And sometimes you might like something very lively!

             I won’t tag anyone either, for a meme, but would find it interesting if you’d share the music you and the person you’re caring for enjoy.

Post from: Blisstree

Music and the Alzheimer’s World

When I read Liz’s post mentioning Melanie Kabinoff and her research with earthworms to aid Alzheimer’s, I was delighted that this young woman’s concern for a grandfather, who had experienced Alzheimer’s, translated itself into research which, hopefully, will aid future Alzheimer’s victims.

This reminded me of an incident involving my granddaughter several years ago when my mom was alive and residing in a nursing home.  Kara was about six years old then, but often visited Mother with me.  Someone asked Kara why she visited her great grandmother when the older lady no longer recognized her.

Without hesitation Kara replied, “Because it makes her happy.”

Perhaps through young people like Melanie and Kara (now 16 years old but remembering our visits to Great Grandma), others their age will develop a concern for Alzheimer’s patients and family members, too, and desire to help bring them joy or find a cure for this disease.

Post from: Blisstree

Young People Taking an Interest in Alzheimer’s

Post from: Blisstree

Living with Alzheimer’s Disease.