Have you ever read Dear Margo? Margo Howard is the daughter Ann Landers and she writes the same sort of advice column that Ann was famous for.

I read Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and pretty much any other advice columnist that I could get find back in the day. I’m not sure if it was the advice itself or the people telling their troubles that interested me the most. (Probably the troubles - I am naturally nosey). 

I was reading a recent column that covered a husband having an emotional affair with his boss. The emotional affair has the man - married 25 years - spending most of his time with a boss that he admits to feeling an attraction for. He buys her gifts, they spend off-time during the weekend together, they go out for drinks after work, alone. I get the impression that believing that this affair is merely emotional is wishful thinking. It sounds like that is his way of safely explaining the time spent with the boss. He has it out in the open so wife can’t “discover” it and freak out. Wow. That sucks. This cheater sounds either very devious, very smart, and like a real ass.

This emotional affair, with a co-worker, it’s  the next big thing in cheating. People work together they build bonds, they have a team-mentality, and one thing leads to another.

How do people avoid affairs?  How do you keep your partner from cheating?  You can’t, can you? Either they want to be with you and they want to honor that commitment or they don’t.

Sometimes I think about cheating and I wonder if there’s more opportunity to cheat these days or if people simply have a weaker will, a looser set of morals than they used to have. Or possibly cheating happens at the same rate that it always has.

What do you think? If anyone has anything to say, I’d be very interested in your opinion.

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Have you heard about the police chef in Ohio who was caught on video “canoodling” with another officer, while in a police cruiser and on the job?  And there was a prisoner in the back seat. From what I saw of the video, they don’t really do much, just kissing,  cuddling, but both officers are married. He’s 57 and she’s 30.

On the day that the video was taken, June 2, the two officers were driving back from Cincinnati, where they picked up a burglary suspect, to their town of Perry Township, 50 miles away. In the video, the female officer is seen checking to make sure that the suspect in the back seat was asleep. The dashboard camera’s red light, that signals that it is active and on, was tampered with, so the officers did not know that they were being taped. An anonymous tip brought the tape to attention.

Have you ever been involved with a co-worker?  Either while single or in a relationship?  Have you been tempted?

When I was very young (19) I was engaged and my boyfriend was away at boot camp. While he was gone, I went down to Southern California to live with my dad for a few months. I worked in a restaurant there and a guy that I worked with seemed to find my engagement a challenge. He worked me day after day, in an attempt to get me to cheat on my fiance, but I never did. One time, after a particularly bad argument with the fiance (we argued a lot an he is now married to someone else - I believe happily and for a long time 18+ years), I thought, hey why not, maybe I should do it just this once. I did not follow through with it, I did not cheat at that time.

People spend a lot of time at work and they form connections with the folks they spend that time with.  Sometimes these connections are a distraction and a way to escape the stress or even boredom of Real Life. In the case of my restaurant boy, I was lonely and young, away from my friends at that time, and this boy was very cute. It was tempting, but cheating sucks and I have rarely even come close to doing it.

I’d like to say that I’ve never done it, but that would not be completely honest and I’ve made a habit of being honest with you readers.  I did make a few mistakes in the past (way, way, way in the past), but they were not with someone at work (which does mean that it was alright). These days, nothing could be farther from my mind. The boyfriend that I have is all that I can handle.

Being in a committed relationship is like a job in that you have to work at it every day. You have to remind yourself what you are there for and reaffirm your commitment. You have to be a good co-worker or you run the risk of a bad performance review or possible termination - I’m talking divorce or breakup here, not death.

“Canoodling.” Isn’t that a silly word? 

Image credit: Sxc.hu

My friend Scarlet is still plugging away with the online dating. She’s been getting a lot of responses from Singlesnet, but some of them are odd. For example, a guy came right out and asked her about a friends with benefits situation. I told her that guys will throw something like that out there thinking that the odds are on their side - eventually someone will be interested.

This morning she sent me an email telling me to check her Singlesnet  message box. (She has me check the interesting ones, because sometimes it’s good to have an extra set of eyes and ears.) There were four emails from a familiar screen name, but once she opened them up, she saw that they were actually from the guy’s live-in girlfriend.

The girlfriend left her name and number. Scarlet rang her and apparently they are planning some sort of a sting operation. Scarlet would make a coffee date and the girlfriend will meet him instead.

If I were the girlfriend, I wouldn’t bother. I would pack my things (or his things) and just be done with him. Why bother, why waste any more time on a man like that? Is that really going to make her feel better in the end?

Something funny this guy said to Scarlet, “Ask me anything. I’m an open book.”  I guess she forgot to ask the question, “Have you been living with someone for the past 2 years.”  That’s her fault, right?   Sheesh.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Today, I ran across this article that mentions The Ashley Madison Agency. The Ashley Madison Agency is an online dating service for married people.  Their tag line is “Life is short. Have an affair.” 

Seriously?  ”Life is short” and you are going to spend part of it doing something that leads to wasting a large part of it plotting and lying and feeling guilty?  You couldn’t just… I don’t know… eat donut?  Buy yourself something over-priced?  Wouldn’t pretty much anything be a better way to cheat ?

“The World’s Premier Discreet Dating Service” has more than 3.5 million members. There are approximately 8.5 men for every 1.5 women, but due to the “points” system that Ashley Madison uses, they say “…one out of every 10 men actually purchases credits enabling them to contact female members, the probable ratio is closer to 1-1.” 

I’m curious about your opinion - if people sign up for an online dating services that is focused on people meeting up for an affair (sex), then would the Ashley Madison Agency be guilty, in a sense, of pimping or pandering?  If not legally, what about morally? 

There’s even a guarantee - take a look at this:

Under the AshleyMadison.com Affair Guarantee Program, …if you don’t find someone within the initial 3 months after purchasing the “Affair Guarantee” Membership Package, we’ll refund you $249, being the amount you paid for participating in the Program…”

If you’ve got to work so hard that you actually buy a guarantee, then why not just get out of your marriage and openly meet someone?  I’m sorry, I just don’t get cheating.

 Image credit: All Posters.com

According to the teasers for today’s Oprah the first Why Do Men Cheat? show didn’t go over that great because it let men off.

Gist of the show - “Men are lonely because they are basically emotionally retarded and the only communication they understand is sex, so wives should do it more. Oh, and men always need to win.”

Duh.

Uh, here’s something to study: why women are sick to death of being married to it or dating it.

Trying to communicate with a husband is, at times for some women (not myself, of course), like beating your head against a brick wall and then realizing that 1/3 of the time it’s a futile effort and he’ll cheat anyway. Oh, and he’s sure to lie about it too.

However, I think Gary Neuman is a very insightful guy and I think it was a matter of translation. I thought his shows on divorce last year were the best shows ever and I doubt he meant for the cheating issue to come off as simplistically as it did.

I doubt he meant to make men look quite as emotionally retarded as we sometimes think they are. Please God, tell me they aren’t that emotionally retarded and we’ve been letting THEM rule the world. Please.

I can’t wait to watch this afternoon so I can find out what he really meant to say.

He’s going to give us 3 ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage:

My guesses?

1. Do IT more.

2. Never complain, require nothing emotionally.

3. Stroke his Ego.

Anyone else have guesses?