Are you one of the many people dealing with infertility issues as a result of your breast cancer treatment? You’re not alone. Because chemotherapy (and radiation therapy kill) kills not only cancer cells, but cells involved in the production of eggs. Hormone therapy brings on additional complications. For example, after my first cancer occurrence, my doctor didn’t want to prescribe Tamoxifen unless my husband and I were positive we didn’t want more biological children — it would have caused fetal harm were I to conceive while taking it. And of course, for some women, complete ovary removal clearly limits her choices, but is necessary to stop the growth of hormone receptive tumors.

If you’re young and childless when all this happens, you may feel angry, disappointed, saddened … hopeless. Who could blame you, really? Breast cancer limits your options.

But let me tell you, you do have options. And one of your options is adoption.

The photograph on the right is of me and my daughter three years ago — taken by my husband just minutes after they’d put her in my arms. We’d flown to China to bring her into our family through the miracle of adoption.

Actually, this photo was taken three years ago to the date. July 3, 2005. July 3rd … a day people in the adoption community recognize as ‘Gotcha Day.’ What a blessed day that was for our family. And today, we celebrate that significant milestone in all of our lives. We celebrate adoption as an alternative. we celebrate adoption as a victory in our battle with cancer.

I can tell you, having given birth to two boys before being granted the gift of my daughter, adoption is a wonderful, heartwarming, fulfilling option for anyone whose chances of conceiving are hurt by breast cancer. Of course, you need to feel okay with that choice, your future child needs that from you. Nobody should rule it out, but everybody should sort it out before saying ‘yup, that’s the way to go.’

If you need to sort out this issue for yourself, know first and foremost you are not alone, others have had to make similar choices, of course, and would certainly help you process yours (myself included). I’m hoping you’ll all chime in with comments about your experience in this area. But if you need some assistance straight away, let me give you these links:

• There’s an entire section at breastcancer.org dedicated to the topic of fertility, pregnancy and adoption that you should check out.

• Here’s a link to an article originally appearing in a Living Beyond Breast Cancer newsletter about adoption as an option after breast cancer.

• WebMD has article on protecting your fertility in the event of breast cancer.

Has fertility been an issue in your life with cancer? Have you sorted it out or discovered a solution? Please share … your experience might help others facing similar circumstances!

(Image: Karen Lynch)

Post from: Blisstree

Why I Celebrate Adoption as an Alternative

But unless the kid in the next bunk also has a parent with cancer, camp might not be what the doctor ordered. That’s what makes camps with professionals trained to meet their delicate needs and kids who have shared experiences all the more appealing. And fortunately, there are camps with their specific and particular needs in mind.

So where do you start your research?

Check out Kids Konnected camps (formerly Komen Kids); they “provide an atmosphere that encourages children to have fun, smile and be a kid! We also provide an environment that allows kids to share their feelings with other peers and adults who understand what they are dealing with.” The camps run for kids 7-13 and 14-18. Kids Konnected has model programs throughout the nation.

Also, take a look at Camp Kesem, a college student run, one-week sleep away camps at a college for kids ages 6-13. Since 2000, it has been the mission of Camp Kesem:

• To provide kids whose parents have or have had cancer with a summer camp experience that gives them a chance to be kids
• To allow college students to channel their passion for making a difference, while developing critical leadership skills for long term social impact

Here’s a schedule of Camp Keseem dates and locations for the rest of the summer.

Camp Lightheart is a free sleepover camp in Rhinebeck, New York for kids from 8-15 who have a parent with breast cancer.

Finally, perhaps your child already suffered a loss … and you’re reading this from a caregiver perspective, comforting a child who lost a parent to breast cancer. Well, for you there’s Camp Comfort Zone: “a fun and safe place for grieving children” ages 7-17 across the country who have experienced the death of a loved one. Camp Comfort is held primarily in Richmond, Virginia with a satellite program in New York/New Jersey area. The program is free and some travel scholarships are available.

Post from: Blisstree

Summer Camps for Children of Parents with Breast Cancer

Bring. It. On.

Because even though the noise level in my household will go through the roof much of the summertime, I welcome the cadence of my kids. I’m blessed to be around that I want to hear them celebrate. I’ll sing the songs with them (”no more homework, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks”).I’m likely to hand streamers from the sides of my minivan for heaven’s sake. I’m jazzed.

The last day of school is a rite of passage, a day that brings them from one grade level to the next; an instantaneous increase in their self-esteem. This afternoon at exactly 1:40 pm, I’ll have a fourth grader, not a third grader. I’ll have a second grader, not a first grader. (Thankfully my daughter will remain a preschooler for another year because three kids in grade school is just too much to ponder.)

The last day of school is a right of passage that serves as a poignant reminder for survivors that we need to let loose and celebrate the passing of time. From now on, life is all about milestones reached. This year, the last day of the school year feels no less important to me than the day my first son took his first steps, or the day my second son will lose his first tooth, or the day my daughter will spend the ehtire night in a twin bed (as opposed to creeping into mine during the wee hours). Milestones … like the night we celebrated my 40th birthday. Or the week next year when we celebrate for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

Yes, today … I’ll celebrate my kids last day of school.

For the record, there will be summer camp days for all three of my kids. But only after and in between beach days, pool days, lazing around and watching TV days, hiking days, biking days … days with my babies. Precious, precious days.

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School’s Out for Summer: Pink Ribbon Raucous

It just isn’t fair.

Because mothers really, really get it all done, don’t they? They manage the household (the bills, the utilities, the repairs). They cook and they clean and they shop and they launder. They care for the children (the bumps and the bruises, the dentist and doctor appointments, the school/camp/sports registrations). They take care of the animals and the neighbors (you know they’re bringing meals to others in need).

And of course, many mothers also volunteer or work for pay at home or outside the home. They plan quality time with the children and their spouses, they plan the family vacations, they plan the holiday celebrations.

Mothers get it all done.

I know, there are some fathers reading this that are going to say, ‘but I do my share!’ — and I believe that they do what they think is the equivalent — but I’m telling ya’ll, mothers do more.

So when a breast cancer diagnosis steps in the way of all that stuff — it just isn’t fair.

Truth be told, even with the best caregivers in the world, things will not be the same in your home until you are back on your feet (literally and figuratively).

And though that might seem dismal … I can say this: as a mother, a mother who has had breast cancer twice, I understand how much you do and how horrible it feels to not be able to do it all. And I’m sure others here do, too.

But please know that things will be okay when you have to shift your focus to yourself. And one day, you’ll be back, doing all that other stuff again.

Yeah, nobody appreciates what a mother does like another mother. Let’s hear it for us moms!

(Image: Newscom)

Post from: Blisstree

When Mothers Have Breast Cancer

When a momma’s cancer causes her children to suffer … it’s barely bearable.

When a child’s continual pain comes out in his schoolwork catching a momma by surprise … it’s horrific.

More than a year has passed since my last surgery; I’ve regained my strength and mobility. I thought my children were all secure about my health, confident in my abilities. But my oldest son recently brought home a list of four wishes he’d created in school and one of them read: “I wish my mother wouldn’t get breast cancer again in 2010.”

I masked my pain as I asked him about his wish. He explained. “You had breast cancer when I was four, you had breast cancer when I was six, and now that I’m eight, I’m pretty sure you’re going to get breast cancer again this year and then again in 2010 when I’m ten.

When I started to reassure him, he said, “you thought you wouldn’t get breast cancer again the first time you had it, but you did. You can’t say you won’t get it again!”

Ouch. He was right.

Living with the fear of recurrence is difficult for most survivors, right? Well, apparently we aren’t the only ones living with that fear. Unfortunately, some children understand all too well that particular fear can become reality.

By the time the sun was setting in the sky I emailed my son’s teacher. I was on the phone with his school social worker first thing the next morning. He opened up the lines of communication with his clear cry for help — and I wasn’t going to let him down. His support network is back in place. He’s not going to face his fears alone.

I don’t have all the answers, I might not even have the best advice, but I do have a strong opinion I want to share with you about this: you must get help for your children if they are troubled by your life with cancer.

• Watch for signs that your child is in distress. Review her schoolwork. Talk to her teachers. Monitor her mood and behavior. If anything indicates she’s calling for help, get her help.
• Tell the school social worker about your situation — present or past. It’s a simple thing for him or her to call your child out of class to check-in periodically to make sure your child is okay and aware that there is a safe adult she can talk to if she needs to talk.
• Here are two great resources for your to consider: CancerCare for Kids offers free professional services like counseling, workshops and .pdfs for you to print out. And, the American Cancer Society has a great resource page on their website for helping children cope including an age by age guide for talking to kids about a cancer diagnosis and a great bookstore with a workbook your child can work in to help them process their own overwhelming emotions.

(Image: Karen Lynch)

Post from: Blisstree

Helping Your Child Cope with Recurring Cancer