I asked everyone I knew to let me into their parenting club…to reveal their sleep secrets and their tricks to the sleep trade and some did…others just told me to “wait it out” or Ferberize him because he’ll eventually come around and get used to it. Well, adoptive parents, it just does not work that way in our line of parenting.

Unfortunately we can’t follow the “normal” parenting rules when it comes to sleep because night time is when our children can be the most vulnerable and scared.

So, what are the basics? Well, all children need help learning to fall asleep, stay asleep, and learning to self soothe if they wake during the night, as we won’t always be there for them.

Some Helpful Tips from the Experts

1. Set a Bedtime and Keep it: The key things that parents can do to help their children get to sleep is to have a set bedtime (preferably between 7:30 and 8:30), a consistent and soothing bedtime routine, and have their child fall asleep on his/her own. Respectfully, I don’t agree with this portion of Dr. Jodi Mindell’s advice because so many of our children have separation anxiety, nighttime trauma, or grief. However, using pictures like Susan Ward did can be a tremendous help in establishing routines early on.

2. Co-Sleep

3. Sleep in the child’s room if you want to keep the child in a crib (on a mattress) or move the crib into your bedroom so that it is next to your bedroom.

4. Build healthy sleep habits. ie: Don’t start bad habits like getting in the car and driving your child around unless you want to be doing this for the next 10 years.

5. If your toddler or older child is still waking for night feedings make sure to give them a protein snack before bed.

6. If your child suffers from Sensory Integration Dysfunction, use items like weighted blankets, tight fitted pajamas, tagless clothing, soft (not scratchy) blankets, vibrating stuffed animals for calming, heated animals, and white noise. Additionally, make sure children with SPD get enough exercise during the day but are able to calm before bed.

7. If waking in the night is the issue experts say to help them learn to self soothe by speaking calming to them but do not move them or touch them. We used to rock AJ back to sleep (Once he learned to tolerate the rocking motion) and he learned to associate this with falling asleep and would NEED this to fall asleep. However, contrary to this, very newly adopted children NEED to know that their needs will always be met and need to know that you will come to them when they cry or call for you. So go…and comfort them. Use your instincts. If your child reaches to you and wants to me held, hold him.

8. Adjust lighting. Many children from institutions like AJ’s have Post Traumatic Stress (like AJ does) and have fears of lights or shadows or the dark. AJ is a little finicky in that he fluctuates between light and dark. He does not like a night light on but sleeps only in pure darkness during the day. At night he wants the hall light on but will wake in the morning at the first peek of light. I think some of it comes from the issue of the White Nights he experienced in Arkhangelsk and the heavy black-out shades they used.

9. Don’t rule out medications, doctors, or attachment therapists to help you. We have used all three with AJ and all three have helped. And, don’t be scared to seek treatment when you know you are facing a problem. The sooner you get help the better everyone in the house sleeps and the better everyone functions.

Post from: Blisstree

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

A few months ago we had an adoption medical specialist (or so she said) tell a group of pre-adoptive and adoptive parents that sleep issues work themselves out within a matter of a few weeks.

Bull Shit.

Oops, am I allowed to say that?

Studies indicate that 30 percent of all children have sleep problems. And anecdotal evidence suggests that sleep disturbances are more prevalent in adopted children than biological children, according to Todd Ochs, M.D., a clinical instructor of pediatrics at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.

There are hundreds of factors that weigh in to sleep issues in adopted children and my son had, UGH, most of them. Unfortunately, he still has many of the issues so we have had to resort to medication to allow him to sleep more than an hour at a time (and to get more than 5 hours a night, which, of course, a 4 year old needs).

Reasons for Sleep Issues:

Jet Lag

No established routine as an infant or toddler

Neurological disorders: Finally, children with histories of prematurity, prenatal substance exposures, lack of early responsive, regulating caregiving, and stressful/traumatic experiences can literally be wired differently, with real neurological differences in sensory processing and self-regulation.

Sensory Integration Dysfunction: New adoptees are usually so overstimulated (we call it “Disneyland syndrome”) that they may blow right through sleepy time into an adrenaline-addled second or third wind.

Separation Anxiety from their previous caregiver and also from new caregivers if sleeping in a different room: Children experiencing parental love and attention for the first time are understandably reluctant to give it up because someone says it’s “bedtime”. The early stages of a new attachment have an insecure, “velcro” quality, so it’s normal for new adoptees to be anxious and insecure around bedtime.

Medical problems such as hypoglycemia, H Pylori, parasites, allergies, sleep apnea, etc.

Depression and grief: Your child’s grief at the loss of familiar caregivers may erupt at night, and when you come to console them they may be expecting someone else.

Co-sleeping with foster parents or neglect from caregivers

Post Traumatic Stress and/or abuse: The older a child gets, the more cognitive she becomes, and the more able to store experiences and memories in her brain. The degree of stress, even trauma, that adoption can bring depends on memories of her past experience (whether in an institution or not, whether well-cared-for or abused in some way) combined with the comprehension of her adoption experience (gradual or abrupt, amount of transition preparation, whether or not brought into a new culture with a new language). A child’s reaction to such stress or trauma may be controlled by day, but released when she feels more vulnerable, as at night. Hence, the sleep problems so many adopted children experience.

New diet (sounds silly, right?)

Bed Wetting

Night Terrors and Nightmares: Night terrors happen in the first 1-3 hours of sleep and children do not wake during them. It’s a good thing too because some of them can be very violent. We often found AJ thrashing, screaming, hitting himself, and in a heightened state of absolute terror. However, it is said that it is the body’s way of regulating arousal and “decompressing” from the day’s sensory overload and/or stress.

Stress: A child’s reaction to such stress or trauma may be controlled by day, but released when she feels more vulnerable, as at night. Hence, the sleep problems so many adopted children experience.

Post from: Blisstree

Sleep is Overrated: Sleep Problems in Adopted Children