Support Systems…Take Them Or Leave Them?

laura — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 03:19:35 +0000

When not feeling well, I try really hard not to be a burden on others. I tend to keep to myself and not make a lot of demands on other people. I wish that the people in my tribe would understand why I do this. If they don’t understand, well I will clue them in now…..its out of respect. I don’t think they need to be around me, when I am coughing up my lungs or haven’t slept in weeks (definitely my mood will be horrible at that time). I don’t need to be pitied by people. I like having my friends think that I am a fun and interesting person, and not think that I am someone who sounds like she has the death rattle.

I also wish that they would understand when I am not feeling up to going to a party. Or understand when I can’t see the world as all sunshine and rainbows. It doesn’t help me to fake feeling good, for their benefit. Masking a problem, doesn’t make it go away. I am not asking for positive reinforcement.

Which reminds me, I read a little something today in one of my favorite books that I use as a teaching tool. This actually made me say (almost yell) the word “YES!” out loud.

The book is The Inner Game of Tennis, by Timothy Gallwey, and in it one of his tennis students has an “a-ha moment” regarding positive thinking/reinforcement. She states that positive reinforcement is basically useless and causes head games because they are essentially criticisms disguised as compliments. Instead, one should just be. Observe what you are doing….and stop the thinking. Just do…or be…or whatever, just stop the thinking.

This is how I view my health situation. Maybe I am being paranoid, and maybe not. But I do know that in my own support system, if I am not “performing” to their expectations (meaning not taking their advice or am bailing on outings) then I am not trying hard enough….and these people take it personally. I definitely have enough going on, without worrying about what my tribe is thinking.

I know that I am doing everything possible to get well. Should I be caring if they believe me? It would be nice, if they could get past their own ego’s and realize that my illness or wellness situation (take your pick….either you are a glass half full or half empty or just half, kind of person) is about me and not them.

And so I am going to end this post with just this little note to my tribe….I understand that you are frustrated. I am not the same fun person that you all used to know (its temporary, but I am changed), and if you can’t understand that I am like this for now, and make the decisions that I have made, because I feel like I have NO choice……then the answer to the title of this post “support systems, take them or leave them) is leave them.

To the 2 really great people who are still in my life (real life that is), and have accepted me for me…..I thank you, and appreciate you. I consider myself to be very lucky to have you both in my life.