What about people who make you uncomfortable in your own home? How do you alert them that you would rather they not visit or call you?

I’ve always been much better with the written word than a face-to-face or phone conversation. Recently I found myself in just such a position. I had to alert a relative who makes me feel so uncomfortable that I would rather she not visit or call me – but rather if she had a message to relay, she could call my husbands cell phone and get word to us that way.

I’d made my request four different times in writing. Three times directly to her and once through a friend of the family. Those methods didn’t seem to work.

I’d been back into a corner and had no other option but to call. Thankfully I got the answering machine and was able to leave the message – but not without a quivering voice.

Isn’t it terrible that people can make you feel so horrible? And what I don’t understand is why they would want to to begin with.

I’m hoping the book Boundaries will help give me a more clear method to use – because apparently I’m going about this all wrong.

Post from: Blisstree

Creating Boundaries

A few facts:

• The son lives with the father and stepmom.
• Stepmom has child who is 18 and lives with father.
• Husband manages household finances in one account.
• Wife is told they are too broke and can’t give her son money for car repairs
• Husband spends a great deal on his child’s sports activities
• The couple have a small toddler together

Given that set of circumstances above, what do you think would be the best solution for this families conflict?

Being in a blended family and second marriage, I believe whole-heartedly in split finances. I know resentment can grow when one parent takes more than their share from the family budget for their own kids – but if the parents contribute their own portion to the family budget and then provide for their children out of what’s left over, that’s entirely up to them what and how it’s spent.

If the mother has two kids and the father has one kid living in the household from the previous marriage – then the father would be responsible for 2 parts of the overall household budget while the mother is responsible for 3 parts. I believe in equal portions.

Being in a blended family is very different. Resentment can set in and grow – and finances seem to be the primary cause of those resentments. I believe in eliminating the potential for conflict from the start. Keep the bank accounts separate.

What are your thoughts? Please do share!

Post from: Blisstree

Second Marriages, Blended Families and Separate Finances