The Decision to Snoop

There are definitely situations where the decision to take advantage of access to private information is the right decision.  Many cheaters and liars have been caught through reading emails or text messages.  It is a very serious decision to decide to snoop around on your partner and I only recommend this decision if you have other evidence that leads you to believe that your partner has been lying.

This is the most important aspect of this decision:  Do not make the decision to snoop unless you are fully prepared to confront your partner about your discovery and take appropriate actions to deal with the situation.  If you think your partner is cheating, finding the actual evidence is going to be mind-blowingly devastating and you need to emotionally prepare yourself to make decisions that will be the right ones for you and your future.

Snooping is not an action that should be taken lightly.  It should not be incorporated into your relationship as a regular activity.  If you decide to snoop it is because you are trying to find out if your partner has been dishonest with you and you are finally taking a step to discover the truth.  If you snoop once and find that your partner is being truthful and honest, have the self-restraint to not snoop again.  You found what you were looking for, so move forward in your relationship with trust and happiness.

The Decision Not To Snoop

In most relationships, the decision to respect each other’s privacy is the right one.  Snooping involves distrust and trust should be a strong element that exists at the base of your relationship.  If you are curious about your partner’s relationships with exes and friends of the opposite sex, that is not a reason to snoop.  Even if you have access to all of your partner’s private information, you should be happy that you trust each other enough to share that and not abuse it.

Snooping will always make you feel guilty and dirty.  It is not a good feeling to go behind your partner’s back, so always try direct communication and calm confrontation before resorting to snooping.  If you are caught snooping, you need to take responsibility for your actions and understand that you have put your relationship at risk by violating mutual trust.  If you are not caught, you risk developing a bad habit that will emotionally separate you from your partner as you sneak around and hide information that you have discovered.

Please take the issue of snooping in a relationship extremely seriously.  Even just quickly checking your partner’s emails or text messages can open the door to behavior that is hurtful and distrustful.  If you are feeling like making the decision to snoop, consider all of the consequences of losing trust in your relationship and truly consider what you are looking to find.

This behavior can be addictive and can become a self-destructive habit extremely quickly, so consider your reasons and consequences before committing to your actions.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How To Decide If You Should Snoop

That doesn’t mean, however, that we always get along with our spouses or never get annoyed with them. Especially when we’re (I’m) in a compromised hormonal state (read as: PMSing) or are really tired (insomniac). Not that Bald Man isn’t occasionally annoying in his own right, I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt right now.

So, anyway, I’ve been all kinds of compromised lately. And being compromised makes me edgy, irritable and very easily annoyed. Even by those that I love the most. Even the things that I normally think are fun or just silly about Bald Man become very plausible motivations for getting in the car, driving to a hotel, and engaging in a bit of solitary confinement for a week or two. That, or hurt him, and I wouldn’t want to do that. Expect that I do. In those moments. But I don’t.

Anyway, it occasionally happens that we’re around other couples when I’m in those modes. I hate getting into any kind of argument in front of others. I know that I feel uncomfortable when I’m around other couples and they’re fighting. Not that it happens a ton, but it’s still a bit odd when there’s obviously a lot of tension between a couple.

Like I said, I hate to put others in that situation, but it can’t always be avoided. Sometimes I’m just irritable and aggravated. However, I try to control myself as best as I can. Usually, I’ll try to find a moment alone with Bald Man and tell him how I’m feeling. Like I said, it’s usually just me being irritable, so sometimes that’s all I need to say. “Sorry, babe, I’m just really irritable right now. It’s nothing that you’ve done, really.” Sometimes it’s just a, “Hey, it really bothered me/hurt me when you said/did xyz. I just wanted you to know why I’m acting like I am.”

I really only address it like that if there’s obvious tension, and just a word or two can possibly alleviate it a bit and make everyone a little more comfortable. If it’s something less significant, I usually just say something after our guests have gone. I usually still try to address whatever happened.

So, how about you? How do you handle an uncomfortable, irritable event with company around? Do you save it for later? Do you start a fight right off? Do you decide it’s not worth the effort and just bury it?

Post from: Blisstree

Handling Arguments with Company Around