I’m bothered by the response of an anonymous reader who said to Melissa,

I understand that infertility is where you have chosen to focus much of your considerable energy and that, no doubt, is for the good. And I agree that issues that infertiles face, particularly the judgements from others regarding what they should or should not do, are inappropriate at best and crude and ignorant at worst. But you have turned your infertility and your blog into a cottage industry and that is where I find you in particular to be especially commercial and self indulgent. (emphasis is mine)

Because I feel the same comment could be left on a Lance Armstrong “Live Strong” website, a Susan Komen “Walk for the Cure” site, a Michael J. Fox Parkinson’s disease website. The list goes on and on.

Why is it that with any other medical condition that affects millions of people, someone speaking on it, writing on it, doing something about it, is seen as brave and admirable. It is almost a social responsibility. When we hear of a celebrity who is struggling with an illness of or condition that doesn’t want to lend his/her name to the cause, it seems almost selfish. Why don’t they want to help?

Yet a blogger who has focused her attention and time raising awareness, building a community, supporting others who are trying to support themselves and writing some excellent essays and articles along the way is accused of being self-indulgent.

It makes me sad.

And in fact, gives me pause as I try to type out my own blog post this morning. Am I being self-indulgent? (That answer is yes. ALL blogs are self-indulgent. It is the nature of the medium.) Am I commercializing my life by trying to share it and gain strength and insight from others experiencing the same thing? Am I a shameless capitalist by trying to educate an audience about infertility issues?

If my blog were called “A Cancer Survivor’s Quest to Understand What the H*ll Happened to Her Body Under Treatment” which it very well could be, I feel as if this would be a non-issue.

Am I wrong?

Post from: Blisstree

Infertility Blogs – Social Responsibility or Self Indulgence?

You ladies rock. So happy to be in your company.

Post from: Blisstree

Bloggers for Choice – A Nice Long List!

You know I’m not the only one here at the B5 Media Science and Health channel revisiting my resolutions, right? Heck no. This is a family affair. Many, many thanks to Kendra from Diabetes Notes and A Hearty Life for compiling these great Resolution-themed posts. FYI – our topics may be serious, but that doesn’t mean we always are.

From Kendra:

Jul at Veggie Chic made her resolutions list… a very daring one around my house, haha… Try at least one new recipe a month.

Laura has proclaimed her ‘healthyness’, if that is even a word to… Attempt to maintain an exercise regime at CFS Squared.

Marijke will keep us very informed (thank goodness someone will, ) at Help My Hurt… First – I will go through the news with a fine-tooth comb and try to find anything that talks about pain, pain in the elderly, and pain in palliative care.

Ruth is so on the money at Eating Fabulous… BUT, as with everything else, remember: moderation is key. Know when to stop.

Ali at Daily Tomorrow is the women, because I couldn’t do it like she does, I am jealous… So, my personal care resolution is to make my own shampoos and soaps and keep them in reusable containers.

Go get em’ Angelique… Breaking the Mirror presents, drum roll please…Around our house, no one uses the ‘f’ word unless it’s very selectively chosen.

Gloria was very honest, and funny, at Cancer Commentary and gave us this…eat more and more fresh fruits, eat more vegetables over chicken and pork (and the list goes on).

Baldiness, that is a tough one but Laura came through… Drink a lot more water – which is good for people who are fatigued, and good for people who have hair, skin and nail issues.

Gabrielle has given us a twist to the ol’ resolutions at Fertility Notes… Instead of dwelling too much on my five resolutions (although I do intend to work on them), I’m taking a minute to find five things about me that I would like to celebrate.

Angela at Breastfeeding 123 was so darn funny, she is a self proclaimed ‘humor machine’ (I was seriously laughing out loud)… Not to blame my husband for getting me pregnant for a third time, because we actually did plan it but now I have morning sickness and it is all his fault!

Elaine gave us a healthy recipe for healthy and happy living at Genetics and Health… Into life add in a large quantity of ‘everything in moderation with the occasional excess’. Sieve in ‘treat others how you would wish to be treated’. Add a large spoonful of both ’see the best in everyone’ and ‘work-life balance’ and a pinch of ‘healthy argument and debate’.

Healthbolt’s Liz proclaims to make life long changes (Quite a challenge, but I love them!!!!!)…Sing like no one is listening, Dance like no one is watching, Love like you’ve never been hurt before.

Post from: Blisstree

Plenty of Resolutions – Pick Your Favorites!

If you are looking to learn more about personal experiences with assisted reproduction techniques, adoption, surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, third party reproduction, pregnancy or living with infertility, I can’t think of a better cheat sheet than Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters’ Creme de la Creme of 2007.

Each year, Melissa invites bloggers to nominate their favorite post from their own blog. This list represents what bloggers themselves have chosen as their most meaningful, most relevant, most heartwarming and/or heartbreaking post of 2007. While some of the blogs are familiar to me, many aren’t. I have just started working my way down the list and I am already in search of a warm and quiet place in my apartment to curl up and read the rest.

Speaking of reading, Cindy Margolis’ book Having a Baby…When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn’t Working: Hope and Help for Everyone Facing Infertility is finally available for sale today. I was lucky enough to score an advance copy – look for a review tomorrow!

Post from: Blisstree

The Best Infertility Blog Posts of 2007

-Edna O’Brien

I love that line. And it feels so true. D*mn if all my friends aren’t pregnant.

Ok, I am exaggerating. Not all my friends (as my friends reading this blog breathe a sigh of relief. Phew! I thought she knew something I didn’t) but it sure feels like it. This is absolutely cause for celebration, particularly since lots of these soon-to-be mommies are fellow IF bloggers. So, hurray! Take a dance around the evergreen and toast your non-alcoholic eggnog.

But please don’t forget your friends who are trying, and trying and trying, and still haven’t found their path to parenthood. I have to thank Pamela Jeanne for finding and sharing this Open Letter to the Expectant Mothers in My Life (with Love) written by Luna. Here is just a small excerpt, but I encourage to go visit Luna’s blog for the entire post:

But as my friend and loved one, I would hope that you can open your heart and mind to try to appreciate where I’m coming from, where I am. That you can understand I may need time and space to heal, to deal. That you will not take it personally or take offense. That with love and compassion you might try to understand this is not about you.(I know, I said before it’s all about you, but this part is about me.) I sincerely hope you can accept that my actions and emotions reflect my own affliction, and not my feelings about you or your child.

I will wholly embrace your baby into this world with blessings and an open heart. But just as my joy for you is not diminished by my own suffering, my pain is not diminished by sharing your joy.

Post from: Blisstree

The Resurge of Nature

Last year, I tried to do almost all of my holiday shopping online, which was a tremendous success, until things didn’t fit and I had to shell out for shipping to get it right. This year, I am going to try to embrace the idea of the evergreen as a symbol of fertility, enhance awareness around infertility, and find gifts that I know won’t be returned. Here are ten “gifts” that you can give yourself and others that hopefully meet those three goals:

1. Donate to Resolve, the National Infertility Association.
2. Share Resolve’s Holiday Survival Guide with anyone you know who is having a tough time being childless while surrounded by images of children and families and all that other holiday goodness that can be more sickeningly sweet than the seven layer bars in my kitchen.
3. Share your story, whatever the path or ending might be. Blog. Write. Talk. One in ten couples in America experience infertility. Odds are you know more people than you think who are experiencing at least some of what you are. So why is this subject still so hush hush in so many circles?
4. Read others’ stories. Have you seen Mel’s super huge (in)fertility blog roll which I won’t even attempt to emulate here? Go make some tea, grab your laptop, sit back and start clicking. Laugh, cry, celebrate, mourn, learn, get active, celebrate again. You would not believe the amazing writers who are represented in this list. If you are trying to conceive/waiting to adopt/living life without children and wishing people would stop bugging you about it, there is something here for you.
5. Advocate for what you know is right. Write your Congressperson and tell him/her to support the Family Building Act of 2007.
6. Buy a gift here at the Shop to Make Mom or Pop Store. Textiles, bath and beauty products, stationary, jewelry – all right here! These online stores were created by men and women for the sheer purpose of helping to fund their fertility treatments or adoptions.
7. Volunteer for Project PCOS using this handy online form. There are so many ways to help without even leaving your armchair.
8. Attend a free conference or seminar on Infertility at Second Life. I am not even going to pretend I know how this works. Second Life kind of scares me. But if you’re in there already, why not stop by the Project PCOS virtual office and see how your second self can get involved.
9. Support or volunteer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Especially you folks that are handy with a camera.
10. And don’t forget about yourself! Reconsider the beauty products you use and the foods you ingest. Read the labels. Are there plastics, phthalates or other ingredients that act as estrogen mimics or inhibitors? Throw them out! And use that as an excuse to go buy some fabulous new organic goods for yourself. Merry Christmas to you!

So there you have it. Ten ways to learn more and do more about infertility this holiday season. If Santa asks me what I want for Christmas, I can assure him it is nothing that can be wrapped.

Post from: Blisstree

Ten Ways to Celebrate (and Help) This Holiday

How we talk about autism—how we talk about autistic persons—directly impacts on how the public, how people, think about autism, and how they perceive and act towards autistic persons. Implying that an autistic child is like a child who has been kidnapped—-is a child who has been kidnapped—recalls older stereotypes of autistic children as “caught” and “imprisoned” in an “autistic shell,” and their real (normal) self “trapped” inside.

Please visit Kristina’s post for a full explanation of the issue, several helpful links and sample letters to send to the NYU Child Study Center voicing your opposition to the campaign.

How is this relevant to Fertility Notes? Because as Kristina writes, perception matters. As long as autism is seen as something that “kidnaps” a child, autism will continue to be stigmatized rather than understood. As long as there are misperceptions around infertility as a social rather than a medical condition – just like cancer, just like heart disease – then men and women living with infertility will not receive the treatments or fair reimbursements for those treatments that are taken for granted with so many other medical conditions.

Post from: Blisstree

Perception Matters

I would read blogs and think, just what is a BFP and why does it make people joyous? What does it mean to POAS and why are folks so anxious about it? I finally admitted my ignorance, asked for help, and got it. My girl Daisy sent me to this comprehensive list of lingo, which I would like to share with you.

Now you know more than you probably ever cared to.

Post from: Blisstree

What The H*ll Are They Saying?

Here’s what I said about the article. Pamela Jeanne takes it a step further and adds her comments to the mix along with a suggestion for a more appropriate title.

Kudos to her and to all of the allegedly “baby-desperate moms” for voicing their displeasure with the focus of the article and clarifying some misconceptions from the fold.

Post from: Blisstree

We Are Not Exhibitionists. Come Look.

We need women in the workforce, yet, children need their mothers at home…in a way, the very existence of the dilemma is a mark of progress.

I suppose, but the more and more I listened to Indra and the rest of the speakers in the midst of juggling mommydom and executivedom, the more I started to doubt whether or not I even want to attempt it. Am I totally going down the wrong path here? Am I asking for something I really don’t want? Do I know what I want? Do I know what I’m in for? Indra almost got a standing ovation when she proclaimed,

The biological clock and the career clock are ticking at the same time, in conflict with one another.

That’s what Indra said. Our biological clock starts ticking just as our careers start soaring. As Rick James would say, “Ain’t that a B?”

Before I get too existential here (plenty of time for that later), let me take a break share with you some great age-related websites. First, are you curious as to how long your clock will actually tick? Check out this longevity game to see if you are in the midst of a midlife crisis or if your midlife if long past. According to this, I will live to be 90. I’m still a spring chicken. Oh joy.

Next, do you think you’re a good guesser at age? Do you often spy young’uns at the bar and think, “how did they get in here?” or glance at a seemingly non age-appropriate couple and think, “??!!??” Well, spend some time at The Age Project and see if your intuition is as good as you think it is. So far, I have been dead wrong on every single guess.

Post from: Blisstree

Clocks A Tickin’