“You should never go to bed angry.”

This is one of the marriage fallacies that I believed in for the first few months – but quickly grew to realize that it is like telling someone to keep driving when they  are tired. If you are arguing right before bed, then that was just poor form on your part. But it happens – sometimes because one of you just felt like you had to get something off your chest. Other times, because something happened unexpectedly that’s out of your control.

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Either way, you’re arguing…and you’re tired. The result, is more than likely going to be…

• incoherent
• emotional
• damaging

Maybe none of these things are beyond repair in the short term (or even the long run), but I firmly believe you are taking a big risk by trying to have a rational discussion right before bed.

I say, forget about what “they” say and make a pact with your spouse to be able to say to the other person “let’s talk about this in the morning” and each of you respect that. This should not be used as a cop-out (if you say those words at 6pm, he/she might not appreciate it) but instead, needs to be your commitment to one another that at a certain hour the risk of being too cranky/tired to rein in your frustration and not say something hurtful. The same issue will probably be there in the morning – but don’t force yourself to resolve it…or worse yet – let it go…just to appease words of wisdom that are way too black and white for all the blurred lines and grey areas in a marriage.

Post from: Blisstree

Going To Bed Angry Is Not A Bad Thing

Hanging out.

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What happened to romance? Spontaneity? There’s nothing spontaneous about hanging out. It just is…and that can get a little bit tiring after a while.

Naturally it took me a few weeks to bottle up my frustration before finally exploding in the middle of a Friends rerun. “What are we doing? This isn’t fun? Is this all we’re ever going to do anymore? Don’t you want to do something?” Paul looked at me with a mix of confusion and careful uh-oh she’s in one of those moods, tread carefully in his eyes.

“But I like hanging out with you.”

Sigh…how can you get mad at someone when they say something like that?

My anger subsided and I started to put together coherent sentences that formed into a constructive conversation about our relationship and the rut that we had fallen into. From there we came up with a few ideas for what we could do the next day and the following weekend to break out of the ‘hanging out’ routine.

Are you reading this from the couch? Is your husband next to you? Is Friends on?

Don’t be afraid to say what you feel – he might surprise you with the ideas he comes up with that doesn’t involve a remote control or movie ticket stub.

Post from: Blisstree

Are We Just Hanging Out? Again?

No, Bald Man’s been sick, and I don’t think I would get any sleep trying to cope with his feverish self. So I took the bed in the attic for a couple of nights, and may choose the couch tonight.

When we were first married, I don’t think I would’ve left the room when he was sick. I mean, I would have left it during the day, but not at night. I would have wanted to be there all through the night in case he needed anything. Now, however, I think we operate more in survival mode. I’d love to be there for him all night, but we now have 3 little ones that are waking up bright and early-ish no matter how much sleep mom and dad may or may not have gotten. And being the non-sick one this go round, I figure I should give myself a fighting chance for tomorrow. Which means I should get to bed soon!

But I do wonder how that works with other couples. Do you stay around and take care of the sick spouse? Do you get the heck out of dodge to keep from getting sick as well?

photo credit:emdot

Post from: Blisstree

The couch is all mine….