The problems that show up in these relationships deal with the older person saying, this is going to be the way things are going to be and if you can’t fit within this picture, then the realtionship will not work.

In my experience, that’s how people in their 40s are. We have lived long enough to know where who we are and what we want. We can be set in our ways and rigid.

In the case of Bobby and Amber, he was successful and that success kept him away from home a lot. Amber ended up sitting around in her sweats feeling like she her youth was passing her by and in reality it was. When Bobby returned home from work at 11pm, he was grumpy and rude. The show ended with Bobby and Amber first breaking up, then becoming engaged, and finally not engaged, but working on their issues.

In the case of Lisa and Marcus, she wanted him to find a higher paying job. He was working 13 hours a day, at two different jobs, but she wanted him to make more money. He applied for work with the Sheriff’s department and when they refused him, she turned to another man. The way the show was edited, Lisa looked like a bitch. She started on him the minute he walked in the door after a long day.

As I’ve mentioned before, I do find the younger/older relationship interesting, but it seems problematic to me with couples that have a large age difference. What do you think about this issue?  If it’s going to work, what do you think is a workable age difference?  Have you ever been involved with someone who was either much younger or much older?

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Truth Life – Dating Someone Older

There’s an article at More.com that tells you, “How Not To Act Old With a Younger Man.”  It was written by humorist Pamela Redmond Satran, author of the book, “How Not To Act Old.”  My man is older than me (by about 10 months), but I figure acting a bit younger can’t hurt, right? 

Here’s a rundown of Satran’s advice:

*You aren’t his mom, so cool it with the advice. This could be very challenging for women our age. We are used to throwing our 2 cents into……..well, everything. We are wise, what can we say? Still, skip it. Let him figure it out on his own, unless he asks for help. (Which he probably won’t – doesn’t matter the age, men are all stubborn).

*In addition to the no-advice rule, don’t mother him in any other way. No mothering. I mean it. He’s already got somebody for that.

*Don’t make joke-references to your age. I do this with my girlfriends sometimes. For example, today I told a girlfriend that my jawline has gone a bit “blurry.” This joke is girls only.

*Take care of business below the belt. Update your both your underwear and your bikini line habits.

*Relax. Be yourself. If he compliments you, say “thank you,” and move on. You deserve praise, accept it gracefully.

Image credit: Barnes and Noble.com

Post from: Blisstree

How To Act With A Younger Man

I asked a friend if certain factors might balance the years out a bit more.

For example, if a man is in his mid to late 20s, but he’s already been married, divorced, and he’s a single dad, might that make him more mature than a man of the same age who has always lived on his own?

A man who already has a family, chances are he might even be more mature than the guy who is single in his 30s. Wouldn’t the maturity level make a difference in the span of years? Or if not maturity, maybe they’d have more in common than a woman in her 40s and a man in his 20s normally would?

I know that it seems a passing fad, there are long term couples out there for whom it’s worked very well. Goldie Hahn/Kurt Russell and Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins come to mind. These people moved beyond attraction to commitment and something was present in their relationships that balanced out the age difference. What sort of factors influenced the transition?

I’ll let you know if I figure it out. I’d love to hear your idea, if you’ve got a theory.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Cougars and Contributing Factors

In a small Florida town, the center of high society is the Cougars high school football team… which is wildly appropriate since this town is the natural habitat for over-tanned, under-dressed divorcées prowling for younger men. Jules desperately doesn’t want to be one of them, but with an ugly divorce behind her and 40 staring right back at her, she’s longing for a little more action in her life. The available men her own age, like her silver fox of a neighbor, Grayson Ellis, only seem interested in dating barely legal hotties. Egged on by her very married and very irreverent best friend Ellie and her determined assistant Laurie, Jules reluctantly dips her toe back into the dating pool. To her surprise, she hits it off with a nice young guy named Matt — emphasis on the young — and discovers this gal still has the goods.
 

I like Courtney Cox and I think she’s good with the comedy, but I was sorry to see that her show Dirt, from the FX Network was canceled. It was definitely not in the comedy vein. Check out the show Cougar Town  ABC website for more information about the show.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Cougars On the Prowl This Fall on ABC

Here’s the problem, they don’t follow through. They talk a good game, she enjoys the time that she spends with them, but they are flakes. I don’t think that every guy under the age of 30 is a flake, but these guys, they are getting on my nerves. I kept an open mind, but last night it finally occurred that she’s better than this, she wants more than this, and I’m not going to say, “…well, age doesn’t matter,” anymore. It does matter. When it comes to the point where a grown woman wants to meet a grown man to have a grown-up relationship, then maybe hanging with the boys isn’t the best way to find a man.

Here’s what I suggested, make a firm cut-off age, refer to your list, (she’s my friend with the What I Want In A Man list), and be open to someone who might be a little older. (She’s a little spoiled by the hot young bodies, basically). Don’t settle for less than respectful courteous treatment, because then your are treading into He’s Just Not That Into You territory.

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Cougars Need Men, Not Boys

A few weeks ago, watched a segment on Cougars, presented by Kristen Schaal, on the Daily Show. It was clever and I found the over-the-top comments such as – I’m paraphrasing here – take her in the back and make out with her or she’ll never get to sleep tonight, funny. The “Cougar” was a woman in her 50s, lovely and well-coiffed. Schaal had her “assistant” place her on John Stewart’s lap and he was instructed to pet her. Stewart appeared very uncomfortable, part of the skit, of course. The idea was to demonstrate how inappropriate it was to label women. Okay, I get it.

Yes, labels aren’t great, but “Cougar” seems kind of flattering to me. Now something like The Saggy Baggy Elephant, that would be offensive. Cougars are sleek, beautiful, and dangerous. When I picture the animal, I see a cat that moves with grace and flair, on the prowl.

Labels, they are all around us. We label what we like best or least. We label things healthy or unhealthy. We label good or bad. Every company out there is trying to somehow fit within the label, green. Labels are just another way to organize things in our heads, our lives.

As labels go, I wouldn’t mind being considered a Cougar at all. My guy is younger than me, well one year, so perhaps I don’t fit the definition, but in the past I’ve gone out with guys more than 10 years younger.

What do you think about calling women “Cougars?” Are you offended by the term? I’m really interested in how other men and women view this current trend, so if you have an opinion, please leave me a comment.

Post from: Blisstree

Cougars – Okay or Offensive?