What is intimacy?
Is it sex? A kiss? Laughter? A squeeze of the hand? Or is it something more than that?
Those butterflies in your stomach when you’re going out on a first date…or the surge of excitement right before the doors open at the airport and your eyes search to find your lover is standing on the other side..or the anticipation right after you say “I love you” for the first time and maybe/maybe not that other person will say it back?
Is that intimacy?
I think intimacy is a lot of things, but I don’t think any of the above could be …read more

Last week, for the zillionth time, I ran into a situation where someone said to me “Please don’t tell anyone.” and I had to follow up with…
“Can I tell Paul?”
Usually people will laugh and say, “Of course you can tell Paul. I kind of expected that you would.”
But occasionally the person I am talking to will shake their head and be firm about not wanting anyone, even Paul, to know. I can’t stand that tug and pull between my friend and my spouse, who I very much do not keep secrets from.
It would be so much easier if during the …read more

Had drinks with a friend tonight. She’s been dating a guy who she met on Match around New Years, and for the most part, things have been going pretty well.
Except…
“Well, he’s really sweet, and generous, but kind of…boring.”
Apparently, my friend and this guy fell into a relationship about a week into dating. They never had the casual dating phase, but, rather, went from first date to sleepovers and having toothbrushes in each other’s apartments.
Hot?
Not.
“Most nights, we just sit on the couch side by side on our laptops and don’t even talk.”
My friend is rethinking the entire relationship, wondering if the …read more

Paul and I can be real homebodies on the weekend. It really is nice sometimes to glance over at the clock, see that it’s 2:30pm and realize you haven’t done a darn thing all day. In the high stress, fast moving world that we live in…that’s a pleasure – almost a deviance! – that can occasionally be the perfect indulgence.
But at the same time, sometimes it’s just so nice to get dressed up and put your beautiful face forward for each other. For him. But mostly for you.
Come on, it’s just so nice to be all spruced up and …read more

In short – the answer is no.
I have heard women lament about how as soon as they got married, 5-20 pounds immediately appeared on their frame, as if a wedding band were a magnet for saddlebags and love handles. The same deflection is heard every Fall when a bunch of kids trot off to college and promptly gain “the freshman fifteen”.
No, your husband and your marriage are not making you fat. And this is coming from a woman who has probably put on close to twenty pounds since the wedding day! To be fair, the slide downhill probably started a …read more

Remember those early relationship days? Staying up all night on the phone, talking for hours, getting to know the other person? It’s somehow pretty easy at that moment to forget all about your own sleep cycles and just go with the schedule that makes sense for right that moment.
It’s only the next day, when you’re yawning every five minutes that you remember how you’re not cut out for all nighters anymore.
But after a while, once you have settled into a steady routine (ick, as much as I don’t like that word) it isn’t just about fitting sleep somewhere into your …read more

Paul and I were visiting a couple a few months ago who lived in a beautiful hi-rise condo. The place was absolutely gorgeous for many reasons…but my favorite aspect was the way the closets and bathrooms were adjoined to the master bedroom. His and Hers were right next door, but completely separate. There was this sense that it all worked together and were cozied up beside each other, but she could get ready in the morning without sharing any counter space, damp towels, or hair dryers.
Heaven!
Right now, Paul and I share a bathroom. Thankfully, it’s a nice size bathroom. But …read more

Paul and I have been talking about work too much and felt like that whole ‘getting to know you’ thing had fizzled out a bit. Right, we’ve been together for nearly a decade…so maybe we’re expecting too much by still wanting some surprises and unexpected personality quirks to shine through..?
Maybe. But this discussion around what we have been discussing (work!) and the absence of much in the way of outside interests, prompted us to start our own little two person book club. It’s very exclusive.
The only problem is that I will literally devour a book. Whereas Paul likes to take …read more

Though this is a question that you might be able to ask your spouse when things are solid, I would not recommend raising this discussion during times that are even the least bit rocky. These words could easily be interpreted as the most loaded of questions.
But provided things are good, talking to your lover well after the shiny gleam of wedding day madness has worn away and you two are settled into married life about how you got here and what marriage means to you can make for a fun opportunity to get to know a little more about your …read more

I am a massive fan of the love note.
Forget flowers, chocolates, and expensive presents. When it comes to offering a completely unprompted mini affection reminder, the love note makes everything okay.
When Paul and I first moved in together, he was still in school and had to leave extremely early in the morning – before I had a chance to wake up and say goodbye. Sure, there would be the groggy acknowledgment of his farewell (soon forgotten as I slipped back into a contented sleep-state), but that was it. Maybe I could have gotten up sooner and adjusted my schedule – …read more