From the current online Grapevine issue – “A Child of Woodstock”, additional validation of many years of my adult life. Similar thoughts had been expressed to me well after the divorce when I had seen my ex for the first time in many months. She didn’t appear to be the person I had known and I brought it to my sponsor. His explanation was quite close;

“What is relevant here, as I began to realize slowly in AA, is that it was alcohol that made our marriage possible for all the years we stayed together. We drank as our parents did, and liquor flowed into the fissures between us. It erased our reality. It cloaked our deep estrangement from each other and ourselves. It made deception and inauthenticity livable.”

My wife rarely drank and didn’t drink alcoholically (then). Alcohol had a profound and direct influence on her humanity through her family before me. I added new chapters.

The words that ring true for me in this lady’s sharing are the erasure of reality, deception and inauthenticity. Alcohol definitely does that, from my personal experience. The paths were not identical yet our reality wasn’t real, we deceived each other and we weren’t able to be authentic with each other. She might not see it the same way. The point is the level of damage alcohol brings to a relationship that had hope and wonder. Alcohol created hopelessness and bewilderment. Which, despite the amends, will always be part of that first “life.”

I must continue to remember that my God has graced me with a gift beyond my wildest imagination. He transcends all the earthly troubles. I am grateful.

Post from: Blisstree

Alcohol Erased Their Reality

“What really is behind a temper outburst? A temper explosion is not something that just blows up out of nowhere, a storm without a cause. It is actually a surface manifestation of inner hostility, of the emotions we often call ‘resentments’ in AA. I’ve learned that I am subject to moments of rage only if I allow myself to wallow around in a swamp of resentful, self-pitying thoughts. It is easy to become outwardly angry, for example, when I have spent several hours thinking about past mistakes, or going over how badly someone treated me in the past. I can also become angry over rejections or setbacks, or just about anything that threatens my security. I find, too, that considerable surface anger can be generated by reading or hearing things that arouse my indignation.”

I can identify with this completely.

That “split-second” fuse they told me about when I lost my temper existed because I gave the thing that I resented so much continuous, hopeless, thought. I couldn’t change it yet I thought somehow, some way, I could do something about it. Like, my father. Didn’t change him in the least. Nor did it change all those bosses. And it never changed my wife. Never changed the finances or the electric company either.

Working on changing my thinking changed something – me. I’d love to wish I could go back and fix all those things but my thinking has changed. Today I understand I can’t change the past and there’s a good reason for that.

“Be still and know He is God.”

Post from: Blisstree

Anger and Wrong Thinking – Partners

I first published this two years ago and I’d like to refer to it again. It feels very appropriate considering some of the folks who’ve displayed their own recently…

****************************************

It surprised me when I discovered how defiant I had been toward God in my drinking days and for quite some time after He helped me sober up.

Small, simple things like, “no, I’ll do it my way, thank you.” Do you have any idea how often and to what degree we do this?

There’s an old “story” I wish I could relate about someone demanding a sign from God while they’re standing in the middle of a field. They dismiss a soft breeze, a butterfly and a couple of other signs because they misperceive them and leave discouraged.

I really like what it says on page 31 in the 12&12 – “When we encountered A.A., the fallacy of our defiance was revealed.” I like it today, I didn’t quite like it when I was a green pea. I didn’t want to be considered defiant. I’d been told that throughout my life – “You’re so defiant Mark.” I can hear my mom now. It was my ego and pride – I really didn’t want to be wrong in yet another way.

Our book goes on to say – “At no time had we asked what God’s will was for us: instead we had been telling Him what it ought to be.” I thought “how had I been telling Him what it ought to be? Consider that all, ALL my prayers, revolved around getting something I wanted or not losing something I had. “Please, please God, do this for me.”

God had other ideas… I wasn’t very accepting of God’s other ideas. When He didn’t deliver I became angry and hurt. I developed a manner of thinking that God didn’t love me because he never gave me what I wanted. Ever…

Then A.A. tells me “No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant reliance, not defiance.”

Oh heck, I’m done… but wait!

“In A.A. we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women spared from alcohol’s final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate.”

There’s hope in those words! Maybe I’m not done after all?

“This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay.”

All Conditions!

From the previous page – “Self-righteousness, the very thing that we had contemptuously condemned in others, was our own besetting evil. This phony form of respectability was our undoing, so far as faith was concerned.”

Self-righteousness undid me and was phony!

Humility!

Post from: Blisstree

The Fallacy of Defiance

From The Language of the Heart, page 270;

“It is always worthwhile to consider how grossly that good word acceptance can be misused. It can be warped to justify nearly every brand of weakness, nonsense, and folly. For instance, we can ‘accept’ failure as a chronic condition, forever without profit or remedy. We can ‘accept’ worldly success pridefully, as something wholly of our own making. We can also ‘accept’ illness and death as certain evidence of a hostile and godless universe. With these twistings of acceptance, we AAs have had vast experience. Hence we constantly try to remind ourselves that these perversions of acceptance are just gimmicks for excuse-making: a losing game at which we are, or at least have been, the world’s champions.

This is why we treasure our Serenity Prayer so much. It brings a new light to us that can dissipate our old-time and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves. In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we again try to overcome adversity by still another bull-dozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.”

Frustrated over not winning a useless argument? Not at all… the twistings and perversions of power drivers are simply not that important.

Post from: Blisstree

The Serenity Prayer – Treasured

I first published this last year. It remains true.

January 7th’s Reflection speaks of turning points. Sometimes they are beginnings and sometimes they are endings. I can understand that. I don’t like it but, then again, it doesn’t matter whether I like them or not, everything will unfold the way it was meant to.

Thy Will, Not Mine Be Done

My shortcomings also tempt me daily; therefore I also have the same opportunities as the reflections’ writer to become aware of them. In one form or another – self-condemnation will rear its ugly head. I make a mistake and the very first thought is “You stupid A**.” Anger seemingly always jumps up to be recognized. It is self-delusional for me to continue to regret the past and what happened with my relationships, my family. Yet it continues to deepen some level of anger within as it remains unfinished with my children.

Running away is not one that haunts me anymore. Rick taught me (and many others) that I am now able to go through my fears rather than avoid them. Being prideful often flip flops into feeling inferior which causes balance to remain a struggle. Wanting to get even has its moments. When my spirituality isn’t up to snuff and I am feeling lonely, abandoned, distraught or depressed, I get the feeling I want to get even but it is wiped out by knowing today that it simply won’t happen so no need to bother. Acting out of grandiosity? Nope, not part of my character.

The statement the writer makes about attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzing his efforts to change is true for me too. It has got to be either all, or nothing at all, and I know without a shadow of doubt that nothing at all will get me grave yard dead. Half measures won’t get me half drunk either. Half measures will get me full on, falling down, sh**-faced, blacked out!

Thus, – it is with complete abandon I place myself in God’s hands, embracing His help and somehow believing He has my best interests at heart because He loves me unconditionally. Else, why would I be sober today, now…

[picture credit]

Post from: Blisstree

Half Measures

Why?

I think the last paragraph of the preface of the Fourth Edition says it well;

“All changes made over the years in the Big Book (A.A. members’ fond nickname for this volume) have had the same purpose: to represent the current membership of Alcoholics Anonymous more accurately, and thereby to reach more alcoholics. If you have a drinking problem, we hope that you may pause in reading one of the forty-two personal stories and think: “Yes, that happened to me”; or, more important, “Yes, I’ve felt like that”; or, most important, “Yes, I believe this program can work for me too.”

We’ll be waiting for you…

Post from: Blisstree

Yes, That’s Me

“How To Listen To God”

Suggestions and results…

6. TEST
When the flow of thoughts slows down, stop. Take a good look at what you have written. Not every thought we have comes from God. So we need to test our thoughts. Here is where the written record helps us to be able to look at them. a) Are these thoughts completely honest, pure, unselfish and loving? b) Are these thoughts in line with our duties to our family – to our country? c) Are these thoughts in line with our understanding of the teachings found in our spiritual literature?

7. CHECK
When in doubt and when it is important, what does another person who is living two-way prayer think about this thought or action? More light comes in through two windows than one. Someone else who also wants God’s plan for our lives may help us to see more clearly. Talk over together what you have written. Many people do this. They tell each other what guidance has come. This is the secret of unity. There are always three sides to every question – your side, my side, and the right side. Guidance shows us which is the right side – not who is right, but what is right.

8. OBEY
Carry out the thoughts that have come. You will only be sure of guidance as you go through with it. A rudder will not guide a boat until the boat is moving. As you obey, very often the results will convince you that you are on the right track.

9. BLOCKS?
“What if I don’t seem to get any definite thought?” God’s guidance is as freely available as the air we breathe. If I am not receiving thoughts when I listen, the fault is not God’s. Usually it is because there is something I will not do: Something wrong in my life that I will not face and make right A habit or indulgence I will not give up A person I will not forgive A wrong relationship in my life I will not give up A restitution I will not make Something God has already told me to do that I will not obey Check these points and be honest. Then try listening again.

10. MISTAKES
“Supposing I make a mistake and do something in the name of God that isn’t right?” Of course we make mistakes. We are humans with many faults. However, God will always honor our sincerity. He will work around and through every honest mistake we make. He will help us make it right. But, remember this! Sometimes when we do obey God, someone else may not like it or agree with it. So when there is opposition, it doesn’t always mean you have made a mistake. It can mean that the other person doesn’t want to know or to do what is right.

“Supposing I fail to do something that I have been told and the opportunity to do it passes?” There is only one thing to do. Put it right with God. Tell Him you’re sorry. Ask Him to forgive you, then accept His forgiveness and begin again. God is our Father – He is not an impersonal computer. He understands us far better than we do.

11. RESULTS?
We never know what swimming is like until we get down into the water and try. We will never know what this is like until we sincerely try it.

Every person who has tried this honestly finds that a wisdom, not their own, comes into their minds and that a Power greater than human power begins to operate in their lives. It is an endless adventure.

There is a way of life, for everyone, everywhere. Anyone can be in touch with the living God, anywhere, anytime, if we fulfill His conditions.

When man listens, God speaks.
When man obeys, God acts.
This is the law of prayer.

God’s plan for this world goes forward through the lives of ordinary people who are willing to be governed by Him.

Post from: Blisstree

“How To Listen To God” – Results

“How To Listen To God”

Specific suggestions…

With the basic elements as a background, here are specific suggestions on How to Listen to God:

1. TAKE TIME
Find some place and time where you can be alone, quiet and undisturbed. Most people have found that the early morning is the best time. Have with you some paper and pen or pencil.

2. RELAX
Sit in a comfortable position. Consciously relax all your muscles. Be loose. There is no hurry. There needs to be no strain during these minutes. God cannot get through to us if we are tense and anxious about later responsibilities.

3. TUNE IN
Open your heart to God. Either silently or aloud, just say to God in a natural way that you would like to find His plan for your life – you want His answer to the problem or situation that you are facing just now. Be definite and specific in your request.

4. LISTEN
Just be still, quiet, relaxed and open. Let your mind go “loose.” Let God do the talking. Thoughts, ideas and impressions will begin to come into your mind and heart. Be alert and aware and open to every one.

5. WRITE!
Here is the important key to the whole process. Write down everything that comes into your mind. Everything. Writing is simply a means of recording so that you can remember later. Don’t sort out or edit your thoughts at this point.

Don’t say to yourself:

• This thought isn’t important
• This is just an ordinary thought
• This can’t be guidance
• This isn’t nice
• This can’t be from God
• This is just me thinking…, etc.

Write down everything that passes through your mind:

• Names of people
• Things to do
• Things to say
• Things that are wrong and need to be made right

Write down everything:

• Good thoughts – bad thoughts
• Comfortable thoughts – uncomfortable thoughts
• “Holy” thoughts – “unholy” thoughts
• Sensible thoughts – “crazy” thoughts

Be honest! Write down everything! A thought comes quickly, and it escapes even more quickly unless it is captured and put down.

Tomorrow – the balance of the suggestions and the results…

Post from: Blisstree

“How To Listen To God” – Specific Suggestions

“How To Listen To God”

Preparations and conditions…

These are a few simple suggestions for people who are willing to make an experiment. You can discover for yourself the most important and practical thing any human being can ever learn – how to be in touch with God. All that is needed is the willingness to try it honestly. Every person who has done this consistently and sincerely has found that it really works.

Before you begin, look over these fundamental points. They are true and are based on the experience of thousands of people.

1. God is alive. He always has been and He always will be.
2. God knows everything.
3. God can do anything.
4. God can be everywhere – all at the same time. (These are the important differences between God and us human beings).
5. God is invisible – we can’t see Him or touch Him – but, God is here. He is with you now. He is beside you. He surrounds you. He fills the room or the whole place where you are right now. He is in you now. He is in your heart.
6. God cares very much for you. He is interested in you. He has a plan for your life. He has an answer for every need and problem you face.
7. God will tell you all that you need to know. He will not always tell you all that you want to know.
8. God will help you do anything that He asks you to do.
9. Anyone can be in touch with God, anywhere and at any time, if the conditions are obeyed.

These are the conditions:

* To be quiet and still
* To listen
* To be honest about every thought that comes
* To test the thoughts to be sure that they come from God
* To obey

Next will be specific suggestions.

Post from: Blisstree

“How To Listen To God”

Subsequent to many situations involving the breaking of anonymity by AA members, Bill says (The Language of the Heart, pg. 216);

We now fully realize that 100 percent personal anonymity before the public is just as vital to the life of AA as 100 percent sobriety is to the life of each and every member. This is not the counsel of fear; it is the prudent voice of long experience. I am sure we are going to listen; that we shall make every needed sacrifice. Indeed, we have been listening. Today only a handful of anonymity breakers remain.

I say all this with what earnestness I can; I say this because I know what the temptation of fame and money really is. I can say this because I was once a breaker of anonymity myself. I thank God that years ago the voice of experience and the urging of wise friends took me out of that perilous path into which I might have led our entire Society. Thus I learned that the temporary or seeming good can often be the deadly enemy of the permanent best. When it comes to survival for AA, nothing short of our very best will be good enough.”

How many areas of our lives can this lesson be applied to?

Post from: Blisstree

Temporary Good Can Often Be A Deadly Enemy