A few months ago my apartment in Brooklyn suddenly burned down.  Luckily I wasn’t in the unit at the time, but I did lose my home and a lot of my belongings.  Obviously the situation could have much worse, but I still see the situation as a small crisis.  I suddenly had no place to live and very few belongings.

In situations like these I realized that everyone cares and wants to help, but it is the people who make a specific offer that are truly helping you.  Lots of people say “I’m so sorry.  Please let me know anything I can do to help.”  Although these are kind and thoughtful words, I found that they weren’t in actuality helpful because I didn’t have the time or clarity of mind to figure out how different people could be useful to me.  And even if I did come up with something I needed, I didn’t really feel comfortable asking when they only said “let me know.”

The life-saving help came from those friends and family who took action.  They made specific offers like “You can use my truck to move your belongings” or “You can stay at my apartment this weekend while I’m out of town.”  I can probably say that I accepted almost all of these offers because it was actually helpful!  Their offers helped to relieve some stress from my situation.  They didn’t require me to do extra analyzing to try to figure out how they could be of some help in my crisis situation.

If you know someone going through a crisis in their life and you know that they need help, please offer something specific.  Home-cooked meals, beds to sleep in, babysitting, pet sitting, rides, use of vehicles…all of these things are great ideas.  It is helpful for you to do some thinking and analyzing on your own to figure out what you can do and offer.  Then propose to them what you can do to help and be prepared that they will take you up on it!

I guarantee that they will be forever appreciative and you will feel that you have truly done your part to be supportive and giving.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How To Offer Support In A Crisis

I’ve tried to be more relaxed about our relationship lately. We’ve been a couple for a year now and although I love him very much, it’s been a challenging year. We live 6 hours apart and that may not sound far, but between us we have the responsibilities of 6 children and 4 jobs. It’s not easy to get together time.

He’s spoken about long term plans in a loose sort of way – he sees us together. I can see that happening, but I’m also somewhat focused on the day to day. A long distance relationship requires maintenance like any other relationship, maybe even more.

He went through a sort of crisis this past Winter which lead to a move and job changes. It took some time and he struggled. When he struggled, he would be out of touch. When we would speak again, he would be surprised that I was upset. Didn’t I know that he loved me? Didn’t I understand that sometimes he just needed to be left alone? I resented that everything was on his terms. Didn’t he understand that I had emotional needs, as well?

At one point I found that I felt morally superior to him – I’d never treat the people that I loved in the way that he treated me. It bothered me that I felt that way. I didn’t think that things would work out between us, I thought it’d be easier to find someone who lived close, but I made the decision to wait the rough patch out.

Currently, we are on the other side of that patch. Still, nothing is perfect and today he hurt my feelings. I felt angry. I let it go. I emailed my friend and vented a bit. I told myself that this problem was not here to stay, it was a temporary thing that would pass. I reminded myself that this did not have to be solved today, that I love him and my kids love him and yeah, sometimes he’s complicated, but he’s not only complicated.

Dating, relationships, they are tough. There’s no perfect person anywhere. Sometimes I have to remind myself to relax, to remember that men and women are different. In the past I’ve given up on things when they got too challenging. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve watched my sister and her husband, I’ve seen that sometimes I’m going to think my guy is a jackass, because sometimes he is a jackass. If I can’t handle that, then we aren’t meant for the long term.

So, again, I’ll wait it out. I hope that he will do the same when I am inevitably playing the role of jackass.

Post from: Blisstree

Sometimes There’s A Jackass…