Today’s reading from the Daily Reflection is part of the change in thinking which ends that old reward system, replacing it with something much more rewarding.

“The Reward of Giving”

This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not.

My God is happy with me simply because I try to help another without requiring anything in return.

I never have to brag again about doing something good for someone. Try it – help someone, even an “earthling,” and then keep your mouth shut about it or it doesn’t count…

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The Reward System of Old Dies

“Occasionally…. We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.”

From my experience, these moments truly are sickening. Yet knowing they are sickening and then extracting myself from them are two separate stories.

The negative thinking and anger are soooo familiar. I wore them like a safety blanket for a very long time. Stepping out into a faith and trust in a Higher Power who hadn’t seemed to be there for me for such a long time is very difficult.

For a very long time I wasn’t the person my God wanted me to be. AA changed that but those I hurt have never gotten past it. When I found news about one of my children that could have been offered to me (I don’t live a secret life in the real world) it hurt and sent me into a tailspin away from my God.

It’s been a challenge turning back to Him. This quote from our literature helps immensely.

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Often A Lifesaver

From today’s Daily Reflection;

“Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it. … ‘So long as we don’t argue these matters privately, it’s a cinch we never shall publicly.”

To note quickly – had I not discovered that someone lacking the courage personally to offer a rebuttal to my face about crosstalk, I’d never have been in an arguing state of mind about it. I won’t apologize for standing for something I believe in – it would have been more adult if cowardice not been a part of that equation. If you can’t say it to my face, don’t say it behind my back.

“Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don’t have to share it? That’s the spirit of ‘Live and Let Live.’ … Do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren’t I being deliberately controversial?”

What naturally happens? We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.

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The Spirit of “Live and Let Live”

“With the self-discipline and insight gained from practicing Step Ten, I begin to know the gratifications of sobriety – not as mere abstinence from alcohol, but as recovery in every department of my life.

I renew hope, regenerate faith, and regain the dignity of self-respect. I discover the word ‘and’ in the phrase ‘and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.’

Reassured that I am no longer always wrong, I learn to accept myself as I am, with a new sense of the miracles of sobriety and serenity.”

Wow – “no longer always wrong” might have been enough except that hope, faith and self-respect add to the wonderment exponentially! I am grateful.

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The Gratifications of Sobriety

It’s sad – and real. And?

From today’s Daily Reflections;

“My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn’t. When I came to AA, I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of AA took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without AA.”

If God is for me, who can be against me?

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The Old Me Is Doomed

“Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.’s can agree with him…”

And I ought to be a spiritual giant based on that

“When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful.”

Makes me about 7′ 4″ lol…

“If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress.”

There’s another one I can attest to – emotional hangovers. There’s a BIG hint in that sentence. STEP my way past…

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Embrace The Pain

“Can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?”

I.E., when reality jumps up and says “hello” will we be grounded well enough in The Twelve Steps where we can call on our tools to help us go through whatever it is that life has to offer us, good or bad?

From today’s Daily Reflection;

“I have found that pain lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away.”

And… my oh my… do we hate pain eh?

Back to pgs. 74-75 in the 12&12;

“Our eyes began to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing. Until now our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. We fled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to deal with the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was always our solution… Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life.”

Suffer well…

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When The Rubber Hits The Road

“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.”

Patient, permanent, progressive and fatal. That’s alcoholism…

A must to remember is that I have lost the power of choice in drinking alcohol and it isn’t returning!

“Relief from pain is provided in the solutions contained in A.A.’s Twelve Steps.”

Thank God!

“But when I am feeling good and things are going well, I can become complacent.”

And this idle mind can be the devil’s playground, for sure.

“A daily inventory will tell me what I must change to regain spiritual balance. Admitting what I find within myself, to God and to another human being, keeps me honest and humble.”

Change is still the operative term, along with honesty and humility.

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A Subtle Foe!

Second best – at most! Sometimes Third or lower…

Eventually you lose the energy to make a list finding yourself staring at the “wishbook” forlornly having no faith whatsoever that any wish or desire would be fulfilled.

From today’s Daily Reflections;

“Material values ruled my life for many years during my active alcoholism. I believed that all of my possessions would make me happy, yet I still felt bankrupt after I obtained them.”

Hmmm – rarely attained the plateau of “obtained them.” That feeling of bankruptcy was worse.

“When I first came into A.A., I found out about a new way of living. As a result of learning to trust others, I began to believe in a power greater than myself.”

With both parents passed on, those who were meant to be trusted and weren’t, were gone. Yet there was still a power greater than myself who could be!

“Having faith freed me from the bondage of self. As material gains were replaced by the gifts of the spirit, my life became manageable. I then chose to share my experiences with other alcoholics.”

Manageable. Not materially wealthy – manageable. If you can identify, you certainly are not alone and this is there for you also!

The answer to the question? “What’s More Important Than Things? Or Stuff?”

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What’s More Important Than Things? Or Stuff?

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible”

This reflection speaks of not being able to make amends to those folks who were casual acquaintances. People who passed through our lives briefly or barely. Like those neighbors I used to live near who no doubt heard my late night yelling…

“The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only ‘changes for the better’ I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.”

Just a personal thought – as you’re being courteous and kind to your fellow man today, don’t get carried away with your wonderfulness. You’re simply acting as our Higher Power had intended us to act from jump street. Nothing to be taking credit for…

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A Step Towards Emotional Balance