It’s a very realistic, and, down to earth account of caring for parents who have lived to extreme old age:

Yet, for all our blessings, we have one deep, dark preoccupation. We never expected it, and we certainly never prepared for it. What has become perhaps the most difficult and disturbing experience of our late middle-age has nothing to do with our earlier concerns. We are, for the first time, confronted with the problem of very elderly parents. “Old People” who for many years now have shown every sign of living for ever.

While they are very grateful to have the ability to care for them, there are some serious consequences to having parents live to an extreme old age.

They share 10 Commandments they came up with based on what they’ve learned:

And after 10 years of wrestling with the complexities of looking after the elderly, we have devised 10 commandments that have helped us. They are not easy to live up to, but we offer them in the hope that they may help others in a similar situation:

1. Respect your parents’ independence as long as you can. This means finding solutions that allow the old people to be themselves and to preserve as much of their old life as is practical.

2. Try not to quarrel with your siblings. Ultimately, they are your only allies.

3. Try not to feel guilty. Whatever you do will never be enough.

4. Do not depend on a future inheritance. However affluent your parents may be, the cost of geriatric care is phenomenal and it is less than prudent to count on anything.

5. Try to establish a good relationship with your parents’ carers. A good carer should be priced above rubies. And remember, even a mediocre carer is better than no one at all.

6. Try to be guided by your sense of duty. On days when everything goes wrong, the notion of duty can be very helpful.

7. Try to be realistic about your own feelings. Whatever the books say, you will not always feel you “want to do your best for Mum and Dad”. There will be times when you will feel very angry indeed with them. You will be more in control of your feelings if you are honest about them.

8. Try to be patient with disabilities. Old age is difficult. It is not pleasant to be blind or deaf or lame. And it certainly does not make things easier when the old person refuses to wear her hearing aid or spectacles. Nonetheless, it is a stage of life that many of us will come to, and we would want people to be patient.

9. Try to forgive the past. Perhaps this is the hardest of all.

10. Accept that you cannot do more than your best. Those of us who look after elderly patients all feel inadequate. We all fall short. We are all exhausted. But at least we have some consolation if we have done our best.

They’ve also written a book on the same topic, What Do You Do When Your Parents Live Forever?

As modern medicine progresses, life expectancy increases, and, more and more people will be facing the care of those who have lived to extreme old age.

While the experience is different for everyone, it’s refreshing to see people admit that they have mixed feelings about it all. Even in the best of situations, care giving is hard.

(Via Kate at Babylune)

Post from: Blisstree

What Do You Do When Your Parents Live Forever?