Infidelity has been on my mind lately. No, I’m not contemplating stepping out on my boyfriend, but with the news that John Edwards has admitted to an affair and the renewed interest in John McCain’s past infidelities, cheating does seem to be a topic of public interest.

Theories on cheating (who does it? the percentage of people of do it is? do only men do it?) abound, but the answers to these questions differ, depending upon whom you talk to. Affairs may happen for many reasons, is it usually due to some sort of void that needs to be filled, either within the cheater or within a relationship?

According to Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D, in her book, Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, the new “danger zone” for committed relationships is a combination of work, friends, and the internet. “As these opportunities for intimate relationships increase, the boundary between platonic and romantic feelings blurs and becomes easier to cross.” According to the statistics Glass has amassed in her clinical practice, 50% of female and 62% of male cheaters she has counseled began their affairs through contacts at work. Glass asserts that affairs are not brought about in large part by unloving spouses or a dismal sex life, but rather the participants develop a deep emotional attachment and they lose track of boundaries.

Boundaries, we learn about boundaries from the time we are children. Are cheaters lazy, no longer vigilant about maintaining the boundaries or are they simply selfish and no longer feel that it’s important to maintain the boundaries?

I wasn’t present at the time that Edwards entered into his affair, but from what I’ve read, the woman involved was someone who worked with him on his campaign. And she pointed a camera at him, presenting his image back to him in as complimentary a light as possible (isn’t that what those ads are about?). That had to be an ego booster. I wonder if they had one of these “new” affairs. Did it start because of a shared passion for the process of selling John Edwards to the voting public? (Hey, I bought it, he was my second choice behind Hilary). Or because of a shared sense of values and an agreement on the issues?

This story, it saddens me, but it also interests me because I worry about infidelity. My boyfriend lives 6 hours away – I see him one weekend a month. I want to make my relationship as infidelity-proof as possible. I’m going to keep looking into this subject. I want an answer to that boundary question.

Why do you think that people cheat?

Post from: Blisstree

Not Just Friends – Was John Edwards Involved In the “New” Trend of Cheating?