“I still often see myself as the same little girl who followed her dad around like it’s the only and most important thing in the world and nothing else mattered.” — Sasha Manuel, SashaManuel.com

When I wrote that in the about page of my new photo journal, I didn’t realise it sums up how I’ve viewed and acted in relationships. Weird, huh? But it does feel good to let it out. This sort of certainty. I mean, losing my dad has left me with fears or perhaps the hidden fears finally resurfaced and it felt like life has thrown me a curve ball. Something that I wasn’t prepared for. Then again, it’s also unexpected that I find some sort of sense in the event.

Knowing that I’m already a grown woman but very much still like a little girl. I still treasure those moments. Accepting that I’m capable of feeling that way towards a man that I love. I’m built that way for a reason and all I need is a balance. I can still be someone with little girl notions but now with grown woman strength.

What about you ladies? What’s the earliest memories of yourself can you associate yourselves with in how you go about relationships? Do you still see yourself as that same little girl even when the reflection your seeing in the mirror is of a grown woman?

Post from: Blisstree

Little Girl, Grown Woman

You may have developed a pattern over the years, intentionally or not. For whatever reason, it’s brings you comfort above all. It’s the most convenient thing to do. I’m not passing judgment. I’m only observing.

Some of your actions will be based on a pattern. Some are influenced by principles. We can only hope that the combination is healthy enough to provide you with relationship or dating prospects.

For men, as the pursuer, I hope you are mostly ruled by principles. This goes the same for women.

Can we actually tell if we’re merely doing the whole dating and relationship thing straight out of a pattern (badly made for some)? Or are we just forever trapped in a perennial dilemma?

Post from: Blisstree

Of Patterns and Principles

Let me briefly paint a picture hopefully to define each:

Involved

You want to be in the relationship. You want to be a part of the other person’s life and vice versa. You are present in the relationship with all good intentions. You are after the results (short or long term). Your decisions are based on what will get you those results.

Committed

You are all those things an involved partner are. However, you take it a couple of steps more. How? You would never give up on the relationship nor your partner. You will see things through. You will finish what you started. You sacrifice without resentment. You are after the achievement of the goal. Your decisions are based on your core principles.

Knowing who you are in that relationship you’re in will help you see things in a different light. It’s not all about self-love or self-preservation. It’s not about waning passions or exhaustion. It’s about how you define love. It’s about how well-founded your principles are. You find fulfillment in knowing you are willing to take care of the good things that you have in your life.

Perhaps when you find out which one you are you’ll finally realise why all the relationships (and probably the sort of work you produce) you were ever in fell through.

You don’t want to wake up one day and find that you have all the things you have worked hard for and yet you still feel the emptiness. Yea, you are with someone but you know you will give up when you want to.

Better decide which one you are and you’ll feel so much better.

Post from: Blisstree

Involved or Committed?

The three (3) key insights taken from the Arranged Marriage model are:

1. Stop Drifting! Decide What You Want From Dating.
2. And Then Go Find It.
3. Put Coupledom In Context.

I’m not sure just how many of you guys are finding difficulty in achieving relationship bliss but there’s no reason for you to give up on the idea. Either you’d have problems with finding Mr./Miss Right or with managing your current relationship. These things are quite painful and inconvenient though normal occurrences but like what the author said, just with a slight paradigm shift, it won’t have to be so hard.

I didn’t expect to learn anything from the arranged marriage model. I recommend that you go and read the article: What Arranged Marriage Can Teach Us (Arranged marriage offers three keys insights into finding true love.). You’ll see what I mean.

Do come back and share your thoughts on the subject. Let’s talk!

Post from: Blisstree

3 Insights from Arranged Marriages

How much of this is true, I wonder?

I can only guess that a lot of individuals find refuge by being on the internet. People tend to be less uptight and accommodating in places where people congregate online, may it be in chat rooms, dating sites, social networking site or even blogs. You have to, otherwise, no one will come visiting your profile, website, blog or chat with you. The source of comfort can be the anonymity or perhaps the chance to re-invent themselves or something else. Like I said, I can only speculate.

Personally, I’ve already met quite a number of online contacts in person and a few have become real friends and yes, I even met the guy I’m with now, online. But these don’t automatically mean that it’s easier to meet people online because I believe it depends on the individual. I spend a lot of time online, you see. My work requires me to be on the internet at least 80% of the time, hence, meeting a lot of people online. But I make sure I still spend time offline, going to clubs, parties, events or simply hanging out with my friends. In all occasions, I know I have ample opportunity to meet people. All i need to do is to practice the same friendliness then like how I am friendly and accommodating online.

Your turn. Do you think it is easier to meet people online or offline? Or it doesn’t really matter? Care to share your own experience of meeting people?

Post from: Blisstree

Meeting People Online is Easier

While having coffee with a bunch of guy friends, I presented the question that basically asks this, “What’s your stand if or when a girl asks you out?” And Mister Logan casually and graciously answered it under two scenarios:

Scenario #1
With a girlfriend, attached, committed, espoused

Mister Logan said he will politely decline for obvious reasons — that he’s already with someone and he’s not the type who would “fool around” so to speak.

Scenario #2
Without a girlfriend, unattached, very much single, free as a bird

Mister Logan said he’ll accommodate it, if there’s a hint of attraction, he’s fine with the lady asking him out.

Bottomline, Mister Logan is quite flattered either way (status being with or without a girlfriend, I mean). He thinks that it’s quite admirable for a woman to have the boldness to initiate the act, whereas by tradition and norm, it’s always the guy who initiates or asks the girl out. Getting asked is definitely a flattering thing, me thinks, and guys being on the receiving end of something out of the ordinary as this is definitely a special thing.

I guess it’s now quite acceptable to have the tables turned. However, I’m still not quite comfortable with the thought, I can’t think I’d have the courage to do it myself but perhaps it can work for other women.

What about you, ladies? Will you ask a guy out? Do you think it acceptable, too? Have you been in a situation wherein you asked a guy out? Share!

What about the rest of the guys who read Dating Dames? What do you think about us women asking you guys out?

Post from: Blisstree

Guy’s POV: The Ladies Asking the Guys Out

Tough question, I should say.

Personally, it’s not totally about revealing flaws but knowing that you’re not simply acting a certain way to get him to keep dating you. Know what I mean?

Like what I read in the author’s answer, making up certain things about yourself can lead to catastrophic ends when found out. It’ll just be one lie after the other. I can’t imagine being in a relationship that will put so much stress on me. Is it really worth the effort?

If you reveal your true self and your new date doesn’t, er, approve then it simply means he’s not really for you. You need to be with someone who will accept your entire being.. completely. Oh, alright. That’s me being a romantic but, hey, I do believe that there’s a guy who would not necessarily like everything about you but would still love you anyway, simply because these things make you YOU.

Keep your chin up, sweetie.

Read the article

Post from: Blisstree

Reveal Flaws to a New Date?

Hmmm. Curious.

Perhaps I’m naive because I’m a little dubious about this whole thing. To be quite honest, I don’t automatically think a guy is “interested” in me when they spark up a conversation because if I turn the tables around and I initiate the act, it wouldn’t automatically mean I’m interested in that man I’ll talk to, know what I mean?

What about you? Would you agree to the statement that “when someone initiates a conversation with a stranger, it automatically means an expression of interest”? I sure know somebody who does and is adamant that it’s factual “no matter how indirect an act it was.”

Post from: Blisstree

Initiating Conversations

I would understand that there are people out there who take these words seriously and will refuse to utter them to a person least deserving. I commend you. I’m a firm believer of not taking these words lightly. It’s been used loosely that for some it has lost its meaning. Quite sad, really.

But, going back to the question I raised, I wonder if there is any sort of indication on when you can actually say the words (given that you already feel the emotion, ok?). Is it reserved for people in relationships? Will you be able to tell when that would be? I reckon for women it’d be hard to say these words before their partners — guys do have the tendency to bolt if the women says the “L” word.

So, any ideas people? I’d really like to know.

Post from: Blisstree

When Do You Say “I Love You”?

In my personal opinion, some do and some don’t. It only varies in intensity and frequency. Some women still see the importance of conversing with fellow women and find joy in sharing bits of their personal life with them. Some women tone this sort of things down with age and tend to focus more on other things like career and such. Another thing that I also observed is that the things that the girls talk about moved on from shopping, crushes and boyfriends to housekeeping, kids and husbands — but, of course, that’ll depend on what really brings them together to talk.

These are behaviours of the female gender, which is quite active during their dating phase. They’re carried over to when they get married and still maintain close ties with other women friends. Like I said, either they mellow down or continue to rage on.

Sometimes, I do wonder if the girl talks and guy bashings become too addictive for some that you might think them so negative and bitchy about the opposite sex or, worse, their own. Have you ever encountered someone who can’t seem to stop jabbering about a past love or re-telling how an ex-friend betrayed her? Have you ever wondered if there’s too much girl talk and guy bashing going on that the time you spend with the group (or with just that person) is not healthy anymore?

Sidenote: I thought I’d inform the guys aren’t still in the know about this sort of things. Guys, there’s no need to worry. The worst thing that can happen is you’d need to see a shrink after experiencing it. (Kidding. Kidding.)

Post from: Blisstree

On Girl Talks & Guy Bashings