This horoscope presents three clues for you to work with. Here’s the first: I know a psychotherapist’s son who, while growing up, rarely received the benefits of his father’s psychological expertise. “The shoemaker’s child has no shoes,” my friend says. Here’s your second clue: In the Bible’s book of Mark, Jesus declares, “A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country, and among his own relatives, and in his own house.” The third clue: A neurologist of my acquaintance suffers from migraine headaches that he has been unable to cure. Now, Leo, I invite you to meditate on how these alienations may reflect situations that you’re experiencing. If they sound familiar, take action. It’s prime time to heal them.

Here is how this relates to me – I’m a romantic relationship writer with no romantic relationship to write about. I have all the advice in the world for anyone who cares to query me, but in the case of myself, I’m frozen in time and space. I think about wanting to try again – I sometimes stick my toe in the dating pool, but then I pull it out, put my flip flop back on, and run quickly in the other direction.

What is the point? I ask myself this question daily. I feel that no matter how much work I put into my last relationship, no matter how much that man loved me, he suddenly just stopped and I have no idea why. To love someone, you put yourself at another person’s mercy and sometimes that’s too scary to contemplate.

On the other hand, I know that I am good in a relationship. I’ve learned a lot over the years about what does and does not make a good partner and the one thing that I know I am good at, the one thing that I’m told time again and again by friend and family – I’m very supportive.

I need something, someone, to support. I want to join a team, a team of two. A duo. Pick me, pick me! No wait, I think I’ll skip the game and go read a book. Or ride my bike. Or head out with my camera. Anything but make eye contact with an attractive man, because I’m too damn scared and I don’t ever want to spend another day feeling like I felt for much of the last year. Unimportant, unlovable, invisible. It sucked.

I’ll do my best to follow the advise of Free Will Astrology, because it’s good advice, but the healing is going to take me awhile.

Did you check you use the link to check your horoscope?  What did it say?

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Looking to the Moon and the Stars …

I used to be a fan of the show, until I decided that the way the show worked actually hindered the couple’s ability to build a relationship. Keeping them apart for a long period of time? The ridiculous making out with woman after woman or man after man. Who would be cool with that in the end? 

Now I’m of the opinion that yes, some people would like to meet the man or woman of their dreams, but more often than not, these people just want to be on TV.

If you haven’t watched the ending yet and you don’t want to be spoiled, then please do not read any more of this post.
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I didn’t watch it when it was on last night, but I was so curious that I watched it online.  My curiosity, in large part, was due to my sister’s excitement about the show.  Also, I knew that The Bachelor this time was a single dad – totally my kind of bachelor.

Apparently, he felt horrible about making the choice, torn, unsure, whatever. At that point, I would know. I realize that I’ve never actually been in that situation, but I can tell if something is a go pretty soon into a relationship. You can’t tell me that those Bachelors and Bachelorettes don’t pick a favorite right away. 

Anyway, he makes the choice, picks his girl. Melissa. Cut to the After the Rose show where he goes on to break up with her on camera. What an ass. Sure it’s supposed to be reality TV, but why don’t they allow these people to have some dignity?  Why don’t the contestants insist on treating each other with dignity. (Answer – because they just want to be on TV).

Then, Bachelor-Jason has dumped-Molly come on and he lets it be known that she is the one after all.  Sheesh.

I think that Melissa said it best when she called him a bastard.

Post from: Blisstree

Bachelor Jason’s Decision

For his first column he discusses the role of season and romance. Are men more attracted to women’s bodies in the warm weather or cold weather?  Apparently studies, and Micah’s experience, show that women are more attractive to men in the Winter. Perhaps this has to do with cuddling up for warmth on a cold night, but as a woman, I can say that I am feeling more frisky in the Spring and Summer months. I like to see some skin. I like to touch a man’s arms and I definitely prefer to hug someone who is not wearing a big heavy coat.

Then, the subject turned to a Polish study that found that men are attracted to beauty while women are attracted to a man’s money. A Dr. MacDonald, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, backs this up with a Beyonce video as his proof. He believes that Beyonce is refering to herself as an “it,” with the line, “If you like it,then you should’ve put a ring on it….”  You can see the video for Beyonce’s song, “Single Ladies,” here.

Well, Dr. MacDonald, I watched the video a few times and she clearly is talking about putting the ring on her finger. Her finger is “it.” That’s clear because she waves her hand around and points to her finger. Men like Dr. MacDonald worry me. He’s not only well-educated himself, but he himself is an educator and still he misses the point. The ring, the finger – it’s about commitment. Beyonce is saying that if a man truly appreciates you, he’s going to make a commitment. The ring doesn’t have to be a diamond, it just has to be a symbol of commitment. If a woman truly wants a diamond, she can buy it for herself.

I did enjoy Micah Toub’s column, though – I enjoy reading a man’s point of view and I like how he started in with the weather and ended up talking about Beyonce.

Just for fun, here’s another version of “Single Ladies,” that was shown on SNL with Justin Timberlake. I don’t know about you, but I’m always up for some gratuitous Justin Timberlake goofiness.

How about you? Do you find yourself attracted to the man with the fat wallet?  What is your interpretation of Beyonce’s song?

Post from: Blisstree

Seasonal Attraction and Just What Does Beyonce Mean When She Says “Put A Ring On it?”

I appreciated the email – it’s preferable to being blown off – but today I started thinking about it again. I sometimes over analyze things, but I’ve also been known to jump into something when I should take my time.  I was just in a very serious relationship and I’m not looking for something like that right now. I’d like to meet a nice guy for dinner, movies, hikes – fun stuff. I want to take my time getting to know someone.

This man, he is separated and getting serious about someone that he only met a few days ago. This gives the impression that he is someone who does not like to be alone. That may appeal to some people, but not to me.  I’m pretty independent.  Or maybe I’m not ready yet and I’m making excuses.

What do you think?  Does a man who isn’t even divorced yet, but decides to get serious about someone after only a few days set off any warning bells for you?  Is it possible that I dodged a bullet by going out of town to visit my family, rather than dating this guy?

Post from: Blisstree

Dating and Dodging Bullets

Mom is cute, petite and smiley. You’d think those mature men would be all over her profile, filling up her inbox. So far, no so much. One man who is 70 sent a greeting. Mom is a very young 63 – active, like I mentioned. I’m not sure that an older man, who is admittedly overweight and 70, is what she’s looking for. Not that I have a problem with people who are overweight (I’m soft and on the fluffy side myself right now), but if a man is not taking care of himself at that age, how much longer is he going to be around? 

Putting up an online dating profile, it just doesn’t seem to get the traffic that it used to get. I’ve noticed that with not only Mom’s profile, but a few of friends, and my own profile.  Even on free sites like Date.com and Plenty of Fish.  I wrote a couple of months ago about how the economy is supposedly making the online dating places surge with new daters. Then, I wrote that people aren’t dating as they can’t afford it. 

At this point, I’m leaning toward the decrease in daters, rather then the increase.  It’s possible that people are setting up profiles, but the economy is putting a damper on their enthusiasm to do anything about meeting anyone. That’s too bad, because when things get tough, we could all use a hug.  You need a partner for that.

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway.

Post from: Blisstree

My Mom and Date.com

This morning I checked my Plenty of Fish account and I had two emails in there. One from a young man of 24. I am 42. It said something along the lines of, “Great pics. What’s up?”

Well, young man, I am reading my messages while I wait for my new son, Greg, (I inherited a  teenager a few weeks back) to come out here so that I can give him a ride to school.

I thought about various number-related comparisons, like…. I am 18 years older than he is. My son, Max, is 18, so I’m an entire Max’s lifetime older than he is. Greg is almost 18, as well, so can you see how this is sort of creepy to me?

Women do this, I know that they do, and with even younger men.  I have a good friend who sometimes spends time with a younger man and I encourage her to do so, because they enjoy the time that they spend together. When I think of the two of them, it seems very “normal.” Why does it feel so odd or wrong for me to even think about doing the same thing?

I wonder if the reason I don’t want to do that – Cougar it up – is because I’m lazy. If I was with a young man I’d need to be in better shape, I’d worry about lighting or better yet, stay in the dark. What would I talk to him about?  Would he call me, “dude?” Or Mrs. Smith?  Okay, now I’m just being ridiculous.

Part of me wants to respond. I am curious why this boy contacted me. What would be the harm in saying hello?  This reminds me of another friend who is in her 20s, the latter part of her 20s, and she’s attracted to a man who is….I think 23 or 24. She feels odd about the age difference and she’s still in the same decade.

What would you do if a much younger man (or woman, if you’re a man) contacted you?  What is your age cut-off?  A 5 year difference?  A 10 year difference?  I’d really like some feedback if you’ve got the time.

Post from: Blisstree

Could I Be A Cougar?

I remember reading about Drew Barrymore, who is both a star in the movie as well as one of the producers, getting together with Justin Long either while doing the movie or directly after the movie. I thought they them seemed like an interesting couple and I’ve always been a fan of Drew Barrymore (Especially in Never Been Kissed). I wonder if, now that they are broken up, it’s hard to travel and do press about the movie? I imagine that would be awkward. 

If you have any interest in reading a long and rather ramble-y, but very entertaining, interview with the actors from the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You, then you can find it here. It gives some insight into their characters, as well as their own experiences in the world of dating and love.

Post from: Blisstree

He’s Just Not That Into You – Interview

Hhmm… First, why does a date have to be a big expense?  Is that what really matters to us women?  Sure, a fancy night out is great, but most of my friends are looking for something simple – we don’t have the money or the time for the Big Night-type event either.  (New dress, nails done, highlights, whatever – in my case, new flip flops).

Second, the men talk about not wanting to date until they feel confident and successful. I do understand that. I want to walk into a new relationship with my head held high, full of confidence about what I can bring to the table. 

One of the men quoted in the article, Kevin Cain, says this:

“I haven’t tried to date in at least six months,” Cain said. “I can’t afford to take myself to dinner, let alone somebody else.”

To Cain, it’s not just about the money. It’s also that he doesn’t feel dateable. He wants to meet a partner as a confident, self-supporting man. Right now he’s just a guy looking for work who can’t afford more than a beer when he goes out.

Cain acknowledged that “there are women out there who would be fine with the situation.” But he’s not fine with it. “I’d like to date, and I enjoy the company, but I just feel, like, inadequate. And when you’re in the ‘burbs it’s even worse.”

Okay, I don’t exactly understand the ‘burbs reference as I’ve spent my whole life a ‘burbite, but the rest of it rings true. In theory, I think “I like the simple date, I’m not looking for a rich guy anyway,” but in practice, I know exactly what it’s like to have a relationship with a man who is out of work.  It wasn’t the lack of money that got to me, it was the way he couldn’t face me and deserted the relationship. A man who is out of work, he’s got bigger worries than dating on his mind.

Maybe the best thing to do, in these tough economic times, is to loosen up a bit and let things just happen. Think of dating as something nice that could happen, like a happy surprise, but not a necessity.

This could be the best time to meet someone doing the things you love that are free or almost free. For example, ride the bike you already own (no extra $$), maybe you’ll meet someone on the bike path (it’s free!). Hey, it could happen.

The point is, nobody needs yet another thing to stress out about.

Post from: Blisstree

Men Cut Back On Dating In Tough Economic Times

At first it seemed pretty neat. How eHarmony works, is they make you take a personality test, where they ask you tons of questions about yourself and what you are looking for. Then they match what you said with others of the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s what you’re into). Every morning, I would wake up, and there would be 10 new matches for me. Then I would go through them and decide if I wanted to initate contact with any of them based on their pics and profiles. The communication is guided…you have to follow their sets of questions and then when you’re done that, you switch to open communication where you can e-mail back and forth.

I actually didn’t mind this at all…it can be a little stressful to just come right out and start talking to a complete stranger.

What they don’t tell you is that anyone can create a profile, and then walk away from it and never subscribe to the service (which means you can’t communiacate). I had a male friend who signed up the same time I did and he left his account alone for 3 months before subscribing. So he was getting matches sent to him the entire time…these women would be attempting communication with him, and he would be doing nothing about it, Talk about a blow to the ego…to never have someone return your communications!

So despite the fact that my profile was great, my picture was amazing, I barely got any attention. I think I made to open communication with 4 men in 3 months, and only had 2 dates….and I wasn’t trying to be picky! It became very clear rather quickly that there were way more women on eHarmony than there were men. Which makes sense since it’s typically a place to look for relationships.

The whole experience was pretty crappy, I really didn’t enjoy it at all. I would not recommend it to my friends. Has anyone else ever tried it?

Post from: Blisstree

My eHarmony Experience

They did a really great job at organizing it and making us interact with each other. It was all-in-all a pretty fun night. Though I left numberless, I would definitely try it again. I actually wish I had known about these events when I first moved here, I also go to mingle with some pretty cool women…it would have been great to know about, not necessarily to meet a significant other, but also to make friends. They also made it easy for people who were there on their own, so you don’t even need to convince someone to go with you.

If you ever get the chance to do it, I go ahead! If nothing else, it’s a pretty cheap way to kill some time!

Post from: Blisstree

My Meet Market Adventures Experience