Become Okay With Being Alone
Sometimes singles stay in a bad relationship because they just don’t want to be alone. Here’s the thing to remember: no one likes being alone. But there is a difference between being by yourself because you deserve to wait for someone extraordinary and being alone and lonely.
Time spent by yourself can help you determine exactly what you need from a relationship so when you do meet the right one you know it.

Learn How to Attract Likeminded People to You
The way to find someone special is to be yourself. That may sound easy on the surface, but it’s something people struggle with, especially when they just want to please the people they are dating. Don’t be afraid to explore your hobbies and individual interests. Take new classes, join a hobby group, or hang out with people that support your love of reading, skiing, cooking, and the like. Never be afraid to try new things, but at the same time, remember that you don’t need to change who you are in order to be with someone.

Dump the Bad Relationship!
Repeat this to yourself a few times: I deserve a great relationship. Sound silly? Well hanging on to someone who isn’t right for you (or good enough for you) is just as stupid. Tell yourself you deserve that great person who is just right for you. Tell yourself until you believe it and can act on it.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

New Year’s Resolutions for Singles

Don’t Spill on a First Date
Ideally, you should get to know someone for a few dates before you spill the details of the more personal parts of your life. Things like health or financial problems, the fact that you can’t have children, or the fact that your ex-wife stalks you. (And yes, these were all mentioned to me on a first date once!) First dates are simply about getting to know someone enough to see if you are comfortable with them and if you want to go out again. That’s it.

Do You Want to Date Seriously?
There comes a point in any new relationship where you realize you want to step it up a notch. You like the person and want to date only them. In short, you want the relationship to be a bit more serious. Wait until this point to tell your date about your secret. By then your date will have gotten to know you enough to put whatever information you’re about to tell them into perspective.

Be Straightforward
Sometimes the way someone will react to you depends totally on how you bring up the information. When you’re ready to share, tell your date honestly and straightforwardly. Don’t make a huge issue out of it, but let them know that you like them a lot and wanted them to know this was going on in your life. Give them time to absorb the information, and let the relationship progress from there. If your date gets scared and decides to end things, at least you know they weren’t the right one for you. But chances are that once your date has gotten to know you a bit he or she will be able to put it all in perspective.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

When to Share Details of Your Life?

Most people have these fears and date anyway. What’s the alternative? For a select few, however, dating can cause some serious anxiety. Following are common dating fears that singles have shared with me, along with a few tips that should help.

Fear of Rejection
This is the biggie. Asking someone out puts a lot of pressure on the person doing the asking. No one likes being rejected, laughed out, or simply told “no.”

Ease the fear: Don’t give rejection the weight of the world. Understand that everyone, and I mean everyone, has been rejected by a date at some point. If the person you’re asking out is unkind, remember that is their issue and not yours. Feel sorry for someone that tries to put you down, because if you keep trying to ask someone out you will meet someone great, whereas the one who laughed at you will most likely still be alone.

Fear of Online Dating
For every person that tells me online dating has worked well for them, I usually have one or two more that think it’s too scary to try. The biggest complaints are that there are weirdos online or that someone at work will find out you are online.

Ease the fear: Never worry about what other people think about you dating online. First of all, it’s none of their business. So don’t tell them. Instead, go forth with the knowledge that in six months time you will likely have met the right one. That person teasing you won’t be laughing when you are happily with someone special.

Fear of Being Alone
This fear is the one that drives singles together when they should take some time on their own. People settle when they are afraid to be by themselves for any length of time.

Ease the fear: Look at your time alone as a gift. When you meet someone serious, you will at some point crave alone time. Use the time spent by yourself to get to know exactly what you what in a mate. Only then will you be able to attract the right one to you.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Common Dating Fears

If you are ready for some fresh ideas, you might try something form this list:

*Blind dates or the fix-up. Blind dates have a bad rep, but sometimes they work out great. When I was in my early 20s, a friend fixed me up with a guy I probably would not have looked twice at if I had run into him on my own. Meeting him while in the company of other friends relieved the pressure enough that we were able to really be ourselves. I saw that he was a good guy and cuter than he appeared at first glance. We dated for almost a year. 

*Explore your hobbies. Do you like sports or working out?  How about joining a local recreational sports team?  Even if you don’t meet someone on the team, you will have the opportunity to meet other new people and maybe someone has a cute, single friend.   (Possibly another fix-up?)

*Is reading is more your thing?  Next time you visit your favorite bookstore, drag your attention away from the latest Janet Evanovich novel, and try making eye contact with that good-looking guy in the cookbook section. (Cute guy who cooks?!). We bookworms are notoriously shy, so to further bait the hook, shoot him your best smile.   Sure it sounds simple, but it’s also effective. 

*Also good are the grocery store, the farmer’s market, and the laundromat. I had a neighbor who met her husband while doing her laundry.  She explained how she frequented the same laundromat every Saturday. Every weekend she would see the same handsome man and one day he struck up a conversation with her. They continued to see each other and their weekly chatting led to coffee and then dinner. They still do laundry together, but now it’s in the laundry room of their new home. Who knew that folding socks could be so much fun?

Post from: Blisstree

Good Places To Meet New People

Some examples:

*Have an end goal.  Someone is going to have to relocate in order for the relationship to flourish. This is a problem in my relationship right now. The end goal is pretty fuzzy currently. 

*Share the traveling time and expenses.  My boyfriend and I have taken turns with the traveling, but for a large part of the time he’s had to do the bulk of the traveling.  In return, I pay for food and I’ve helped with gas.

*Don’t take the other person for granted. This is important and harder than it sounds. Sometimes I don’t hear from Steve and I get frustrated with his silence. It’s important to remember he has his own busy life and that he works long hours. In addition, I would appreciate if he would work on maintaining some sort of connection with me. I don’t need a lot of time. One “I love you” text goes a long way.

*Realize that miscommunication happens easily. When you are not face to face with your partner, it’s easy for something silly to turn into something heated. I’ve found that it helps to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. 

*Avoid assumptions. This fits in with the miscommunication. Keep an open mind and try to remember that you are a team. A long distance team, but still a team. 

*Patience is key. Accept that it’s going to take some time for things to get where you want them to be.  A long distance relationship cannot exist without love, commitment, and patience. It is hard and exhausting, but a daily mantra of “just be patient” can go a long way.

*Keep busy.  Don’t sit around waiting for your partner to call. That will only lead to resentment. Maintain a full and active lifestyle. That lifestyle is what gives you your spark and your spark is what drew your partner to you in the first place. 

The article is full of great ideas – ideas that are helpful for local daters, as well. Be sure you check it out. Thanks for sending me the link, Kelly!

Post from: Blisstree

Long Distance Dating Tips

Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW, is the author of Love Lessons from Bad Breakups and Q&A Dating Book. She runs dating seminars around the country and does private coaching — not to help singles marry in 60 days, but to uncover their blocks. She has given relationship advice on the Early Show, Regis, Inside Edition, CBS News, VH1, BBC, and many other programs. Her philosophy is that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.

The subject I read about was  Reinventing Romance: Unlucky in Love.  Many women complain about meeting the same sort of men over and over again.  The commitment-phobe, the cheater, the narcissist, the perpetual child,…….Is this beginning to sound familiar? Is it possible that we have something to do with choosing the same man time after time? If so, how do we fix this pattern of behavior?

The first step is some serious self-reflection. Are we subconsciously pushing people away or projecting behavior upon the other person?  Are we manufacturing problems that don’t exist because we’re afraid that some day they will because that’s the way it “always goes?”  Is it possible that our expectations are too high? 

The second step, after identifying our part in the dating problem, is to come up with a plan of action. My problem was that I did not want to go out looking for somebody. I felt that the right man would come to me, that he would somehow be drawn to me.  Ooh, lovely fantasy, but the reality was many years spent waiting, growing ever more uncomfortable with the idea of dating again. Luckily, I wised up and got proactive. I set up an online dating profile, went on a few dates, and while they didn’t lead me to my current partner, but they got me moving along the path that eventually did. 

Do you have a dating stumbling block? Could it be time for a plan of action over-haul?

Post from: Blisstree

Managing Relationship Stumbling Blocks: Stop Dating the Same Type of Man Over and Over and….

1. “I used to be addicted to (insert drug or “bad thing to be addicted to” here), but I’m okay now.” Fellow Dating Dames blogger Michelle let me in on this one. She went on a first date once and the guy actually told her that he had been addicted to crystal meth, but had been sober for a year and living in a rehab facility. I totally appreciate the honesty, but if you’re going to be this honest, this up front (ie. the first date instead of the second or third) then you have to understand that it’s going to be really difficult to get that second date.
2. “I live with five roommates because my job sucks and doesn’t pay well.” Sure, we’re ALL feeling financial crunches these days. Telling me that you live with five other people automatically tells me that you’re trying to live within your means and/or save money, and that’s actually a good quality. End things there. I don’t need to know right now that you’re broke, though. I feel guilty enough when you won’t let me pay my half of the date after I’d ordered the third most expensive meal because I like the way it tastes. (Thanks, feminists.) I also don’t want to hear that you’re miserable in your job, because well, I happen to love mine, and I don’t want to rub your face in it. Most women don’t like miserable guys. Most people don’t like miserable people. Dating is hard enough, don’t make it worse by being a “Negative Ned or Nancy”.
3. “My ex was really high maintenance. She always wanted me to buy her flowers and jewelry and take her out to eat once a week or more.” Guys, I don’t care who the girl is, women love to feel spoiled. You’re going to find some women that demand it, and others who really truly appreciate it. I happen to be the latter. However you’ve just now made me aware of the fact that I will never get anything from you out of the kindness of your heart, but rather because you feel I’m high maintenance. You just came off as a cheap bastard, when I’d actually have been really thrilled if you’d just picked a daisy up off a grassy median and handed it to me.
4. “So, I’m really into high heels on a woman. I mean, REALLY into it.” Um, yeah, you just totally freaked me out. I don’t wear heels much, and while I’m sure open to “safe” fetishes and stuff, it’s nothing I want to talk about with you now. I actually was talking to a guy online and I don’t know why the conversation lasted more than a few minutes into things after he mentioned this to me, but he got to talking about wanting to see me “stomp a bug” and how hot he thought it would be, and I was just freaked out enough to be done with it. Keep your fetishes to yourself until you’ve gotten to that point in the relationship where you’re at least talking about “doing it” together.
5. “I’m really looking for an “open” relationship. I don’t want to be tied down to anyone.” Newsflash guys, then you shouldn’t really be out on a date with someone unless you’ve already covered this and she’s into one-nighters like you are. Most women who go on a date ARE looking for something serious at some point. Most women don’t like to be tied to a guy who’s not tied to them. Sure, there are exclusions, but they’re probably hanging out at the bar at 2am falling out of their chair or slumped in a corner somewhere. In fact, this date’s over, so why don’t you head on over there and pick one up for yourself.
6. “I’m getting old and I want to hurry up and settle down and have kids before it’s too late.” I think I can almost be somewhat guilty of this myself, however I kind of make it clear before the date ever happens (like in chats or emails) that I’m interested in this. I just tend to want to “get it all out there and up front” because if the guy is anything like guy #5 up there, he and I just shouldn’t waste our time together. But that being said, saying this too soon can often put an air of desperation on that is quite unflattering. If it comes up in natural conversation, and it makes sense to talk about this as a long-term goal, then fine. But “Hi, nice to meet you,” should not be followed with this sentence or any part of it.
7. “I’m voting for __________ in the election this November, because _________.” I love debating, I really do. But talking politics too soon can give your date the wrong idea. Can a Republican and a Democrat have a healthy relationship? Sure. But each party has preconceived notions of the other party’s beliefs, and it would take just too much explaining to get it fixed on a first date. Stick to sports, music, games, entertainment… at least until you’re both on the phone and there’s a debate on the television.

What other things can you add to this list? What are some of the worst topics or discussions you’ve had brought up on a first date? First dates only, please… have at it in the comments.

Post from: Blisstree

7 Things Men (or Anyone, Really) Should Never Say On A First Date

Another thing is that I am certain that there are more than five points in which you should consider before entertaining his advances but I’m only limiting my list into these points for now.

Disapprobation at home
It may not be the case for some individuals but here in my country, it’s widely practiced that the person you do choose to date or enter into a relationship with is or should be someone whom you’re family will approve of. It may be in terms of want of a connection or general character disposition, this person should possess traits that the family should approve of. Plainly, he should not just get along with your family but also should be the sort that your family will entrust you to without fear or resentment.

Clarity of his intentions
Cynical as it appears, one should really stop and think, ask the appropriate questions, to determine his true intentions. Is he courting you because you’re the one or just a maybe? Is his interest relative to convenience? Does he show signs of sound judgment? Is there a history of repetitive behaviour doesn’t sit well with you? More importantly, you shouldn’t find yourself in the position of trying to convince yourself that his intentions are in sync with your expectations.

Depth of his affection
As quite normal for most newly formed attractions, singling you out from the rest of the other female genders will have its certain appeal. You will hear words that will solidify your own belief in his affections toward you. Time can indeed tell — no matter how much of a cliché that may sound — if his feelings goes far beyond the physical. Are you willing to get involved, surrender your heart, at an undetermined depth of affection? Will you be able to survive the occurrence of a change of heart? Or are you ready to bare all, render yourself vulnerable, to a half-baked relationship?

Appeal of his profession
Hard to believe that I’m including this bit on the list but, yes, I am. With good reason. At face value, it may look superficial but I’d like to bring your attention to the fine print. For men, their professions form a great part of their life. Some even equate their person to their profession. And my main concern is if your built to be a partner to that. That’s what we, women, will be, right? Their partners in life. There some things in this life that will be difficult for us too understand and we can only be lucky if the man we end up with will take time to teach us what they do. Will his profession hold your interest long? Will you tolerate conversations and dates which will revolve around it? It’s true that if we find ourselves the subject of interest of a successful man of his profession, we’ll highly be flattered and attracted to him in some way. But to actually have that man become part of your life is a different thing. You have to consider your needs, too.

Subject of his eloquence
This is where the subject of I, You and Us will be talked about (pun intended). I reckon it’s quite important for you to notice how he speaks, with emphasis on the matter not just the manner. The latter is only important if you’re particular about it. The former will tell you just how much of yourself will be visible in the relationship and how much of himself. Will your thoughts truly matter? Will he pay attention to your accomplishments? Will he acknowledge your talents and just how much you add onto his life? Or will you forever be a groupie whom he expects undivided attention and adoration? And this is if he is indeed eloquent in the first place. A major part of your relationship will rely on effective communication, you see.

These are just my two cents. I just want to share these things in the hope that it will help other women in choosing the right partner. Like I said earlier, there may be more considerations that women should know about. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the matter.

Post from: Blisstree

5 Considerations Before Entertaining His Advances

Here are some of the points raised in the article written by Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat.

Why Geek Dudes Rule
Where The Geek Dude Lurks
Imprinting
The Trek factor
Once You’ve Nabbed Him
Geek Cuisine
Geek Lifestyle
Geek Buddies
Post-It Note
One Last Thing

Go on and read up! I reckon I’m onto something. Hehe. Look at the kind of discussions I’ve started:

Dating: Gamer’s Style
10 Reasons Why Geeks Make Good Boyfriends
Will you date an average joe?
Speed Dating Through the Eyes of a Mobile Blogger
Why You Need A Nerd

*AHERM*

What do you guys think? Heehee.

Post from: Blisstree

A Girl’s Guide to Geek Guys

Now, it’s so timely to feature a creative list of date ideas, which enumerates ways on how to go about dating which will only cost $20 or under. Thanks to Sarah Pierce and her article, 20 Dates for Under $20, Who says romance has to cost an arm and a leg?

The list includes: (I’m only listing 5 out of the 20)

… finding the best happy hour in town.
… hitting the dollar movie theatre.
… going to the museum.
… taking her for some wine tasting.
… renting rollerblades, bike or ice skates.

Go check out the rest of the list and find something that’ll suit you and your date. This certainly answers the question with, “it doesn’t really cost much to go out on a date!” Heehee.

Enjoy!

Fabulous hat tip to Dexie for the heads up!

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Tip for the Thrifty: 20 Dates for Under $20