I’m trying to figure out what I think about dating anniversaries.

Some couples celebrate anniversaries while they are dating.  There seem to be a lot of variations in these anniversaries and I have no idea what the right answers are for determining these.  How often do you celebrate?  It could be every week, month, year?  And even more importantly, how do you decide on your official day to celebrate?  Is it the first meeting, date, kiss, night you slept together, or day you decided to be exclusive?

There are are really so many possible answers to all of these questions and infinite options.  It all seems to be very personalized for each couple.  Everyone has a little story about the day that they pick as their anniversary and they get to tell the story everytime they celebrate on their special day (so let’s hope that it’s more interesting than “the night we sealed the deal”).

So I’ve come to my decision about what I think about dating anniversaries:  they are a day to put aside to celebrate the romance in a relationship.

It is not official like a wedding anniversary, so there is no need to worry about cards or gifts for other people.  The dating anniversary is completely insular to the couple.  It is a day that couples program to fit what they agree upon in their relationship and they come together for a specific moment of romance.

If this is not something that you need or are looking for in a relationship, then you will probably find that you are one of the couples who doesn’t celebrate dating anniversaries.  If you are looking to add a little romance reminder into your dating relationship, then this is a great place to find it.

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Every week, while watching So You Think You Can Dance with my pal, Leah, we see promos for a new dating-type reality show called More To Love. It looks like it’s set up in the same vein as the Bachelor/Bachelorette, which makes sense as all three shows are executive produced by Mike Fleiss.

The ladies in the promos are very pretty, perfectly coiffed and made up, talking about how much they want to find a true love story. I’m a sucker for that sort of thing, so I plan to watch the More To Love when it premieres on July 28, 2009.

Leah thinks that they should have picked a handsomer man, but I think he looks like a regular guy, which is what I think they are going for with this one.

Here’s a bit more from the shows website at Fox:

FOX is setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series MORE TO LOVE. Executive-produced by Mike Fleiss (”The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette”), the unscripted series follows a single average guy with a big waist and an even bigger heart as he romances several confident and secure plus-size women. Each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle. When the size of competition narrows, he will have to decide if one full-figured lady will become his true love.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

I read an interesting item today. It was an essay that is an excerpt from Andy Raskin’s memoir, The Ramen King & I: How the Inventor of Instant Noodles Fixed My Love Life, that was in the March 2009 issue of Women’s Health magazine.

In the essay, Andy talks about how when he assumes the role of “teacher” in a relationship, it inevitably leads to the downfall of that relationship.

I’ve had boyfriends who like to teach me things before. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

I am the type of person who needs to read the directions a few times, who then needs to then learn by doing. I have to get my hands on it, whatever it is. I think that’s why I have problems with concepts like  finance - although I am a whiz at personal budgeting. If I had a model of the world and the banks and lots of little play money, I could probably figure it out.

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Friends, I have bittersweet news for you.

While I shall still be very much a part of the Splendicity family - you can find me at EBeautyDaily, ShopaholicsDaily, and the hair channel over there - this shall be my last Blistree Relationships post.

The absolutely fabulous Kelli DesRochers will be taking my place, and she will have some fun contests coming up for you very soon - along, with, I’m sure, tons of fun relationship/sex chat!

I, however, will be sure to comment all the time with updates on my own (nonexistent) love life.

Speaking of my love life, I watched He’s Not That Into You last night…two times. (The beauties of In Demand cable!)  I realized, after the second watching, it actually ain’t all that depressing…it’s actually rather inspirational! I couldn’t help but identify with though.

And while i realize it’s six months too late to write a review of this movie, I’m writing something of  a revelation - a burst of clarity, if you will.

Basically, this is the first movie ever that I’ve seen that’s actually truly about love. As is it really is. And it’s also about dating - and the ugly truth behind it. Us women have to stop lying to ourselves. If a guy wants to call you, he will. If he likes you, he will make the effort. And if he doesn’t, that means he’s not interested.

And this seems SO obvious to me, now, after seeing the movie, and yet, simultaneously, I’m consulting my friend’s magic 8 ball for its views on if the guy who hasn’t called in two weeks is maybe possibly interested after all.

I most identified with Ginnifer Goodwin, who played a serial first-dater (by no fault of her own beyond delusional optimism.)  Gigi (Goodwin) has no defenses, gives too much, talks too much and spends a lot of time sitting by the phone.

That is me!!

And so, much like when I know that carbs are bad and yet eat a bagel, I know that I am crazy and a walking cliche, and yet…am doing nothing different. I’m inspired, but still hoping that I, too, will be the”exception”.  I wonder how any of you have responded to the movie?

Image: Sxc.hu

I read a piece from AOL Personals today about 5 of the biggest break-ups cues. I think if you are hearing some of these phrases from your partner, it’s possible that your relationship is heading toward a break-up, but it’s not inevitable.

For example, a request for space might mean just that - give your partner some space. No one wants to feel pressured or crowded. Back off, let your loved one miss you a little (this is advice that I give to my daughter’s boyfriend all the time.) 

Backing off can work two-fold. First, your partner gets the breathing room they have requested. Two, you can focus on what you want again. Sometimes we get so locked into the pursuit aspect that we lose perspective. Maybe the relationship isn’t going in the right direction for you, either.

If someone says that they will call you later, well they may be busy and unable to talk. Again, I suggest backing off. People are busy. It’s not all about you.

If your partner is comparing you to someone else or calling your bad names, then he/she is just rude. I say it might be time to move on. Or call them on it. Say, “That is hurtful.” You don’t have to put up with abuse. That’s not part of a healthy relationship.

Silence is not good. As my friend, Scarlet, told me during my last relationship, “No answer is your answer.”  I think she was quoting, He’s Just Not That Into You. She was correct. He was a two-timing jerk and I’ve happily moved on. 

My point is this - don’t make assumptions, don’t expect the worst. These are stressful times we are living in and everyone can use a breather now and again.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Are we jaded in our friendships with opposite sex?

My dentist - a highly attractive, but much older, married man, has asked me out to dinner. He wants to consult with me about some social networking he may be doing for the memoirs he is writing.

I had assumed we would meet at a restaurant, but he just emailed and suggest we meet at his apartment, because he has wi-fi there, and then after that, we’d find something “yummy”.

At face value, it makes sense. One can not look at a computer screen and talk biz while sipping margaritas and eating chips.

But then that paranoid person inside me - the one in the dating scene - is like…huh? What’s THIS about?

Image: Sxc.hu

A few months ago, my friend *Tim (names changed because all my friends read my blog, it seems), told another friend *Anna, that he had feelings for her.

Tim and Anna had a great sort of - what seemed to be - brother/sister banter/bond. They’d hang out a lot, tease each other mercilessly, but all in a platonic sense.

Until that one day that, over linguine, Tim told Anna that he had had feelings for her…for years.

Anna did not feel the same, and let him down gently. Tim said he understood, that it wouldn’t change their friendship, and life went on uninterrupted.

Now, Anna is planning her birthday party - ironically to be held at my house, so I am even more intertwined in peoples’ lives than normal - and is in the beginning stages of seeing a new guy. Tim has just told her that he will not be attending - it’d be too uncomfortable for him, and in fact, he’s not sure he can be her friend at all, if she’s dating someone (who is not him, of course).

We’ve all been there - had feelings for friends, which weren’t returned - hell, I’m there right now! - but what is the “right” thing to do here? The obvious answer is that Tim should suck it up and attend Anna’s party, but we can also understand his discomfort.

So, if you were Tim - or Anna - what would you do?

Image: Sxc.hu

As I mentioned, my boyfriend is in town for a visit. We are hanging out, having fun, talking without the phone (yay!). Getting to know each other better is a learning process.  Before he arrived, I wanted to have some snacks around, but I had no idea what he likes in the way of munchies. So far I’ve learned this: yes on crackers, yes on chips, no on sweets. Interesting. He’s a salty guy, apparently.

What does this say? Is it a peek into his psyche?  No, you silly girl. We are just talking snacks…. It also tells me that my milk chocolate stash is safe. Phew. That is a relief.

Here’s something that I really like - when I work, he comes back to visit me. A lot. He leans over, kisses me, says something funny, kisses me again. I could seriously get used to that. Kissing and laughing are two of my favorite things.

I’m not surprised by the visits. When he’s in Colorado, he sends me a lot of little messages throughout the day. I appreciate the attention, I appreciate the effort he puts into building a connection. He’s a very sweet man and I feel very lucky to have found him.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

A dating website called me up the other day to tell me that they were now linking up their online dating profiles with Last.FM and Netflix settings - that way, when checking out a potential partner, you can see what music and movies they were into.

At first I was like…why? And then I realized it was the best idea ever.

Everyone has those early date bonding “tools” - whether it’s shared love of food, or museums, or whatever - but shared taste in music and movies can be a biggie. Or at least a great conversation starter!

The site I am talking about is Zoosk, and the way it works is users link their Last.fm and Netflix accounts to their Zoosk Date Card by providing their Last.fm username or a link to their Netflix queue’s RSS feed. Once a user links their accounts to their profile on Zoosk, music picks made on Last.fm and movie titles selected on Netflix will automatically appear on the user’s Zoosk Date Card.

It’s very similiar to feeding in stuff like your Yelp restaurant reviews to FaceBook (which I also do!).

But then I wondered…can this tool be manipulated? Will people start “doctoring” their netflix and LastFm to gear it toward the “type” of person they wish to meet?

Maybe I’m just jaded. The “talk” is tomorrow…

Image: Sxc.hu

My friend Amanda* (names changed to protect the innocent) dated another good friend of mine for about six months two years ago.

After they broke up, they had a weird year of so of “in-between” where they were not together, but would have frequent sleepovers and be pretty much inseparable. However, whenever she broached the subject of them being together, he’d reinforce that he wasn’t in the place to be in a relationship.

Eventually, this erupted, and now they are trying to work their way toward any sort of friendship at all.

Last night, Ted* (name also changed) called Amanda and attempted to lay it all on the table about their relationship, what he took out of it, and how he still cared about her and hoped they could be friends.

The kicker - he is seeing someone new. He can’t wait for them to meet because his new girlfriend has so much in common with Amanda, and reminds him of her, and he thinks, in fact, that they will be fast friends!

When Amanda was heartbroken about this comparison - he did not understand why.

At this point, I’m hardly surprised.

While I realize that many of us have a “type” and obviously similar characteristics will draw us to people, has anyone ever heard of a conversation this crazy?

Image: Sxc.hu