In Questions I Wish I Had Asked Mom, Spencer brings up a good point, I wish I had asked my mother more questions about her side of things when she was dying.

It’s hard toward the end, because you are tuned into taking care of “business” and attending to physical needs.

Other than the types of questions in the article, the thing I most wish I had asked my mother was, “How do you know?” the day she told us she “had to go”.

While I fully realize that was probably none of my business, she was lucid and would have realized that had never stopped me before.

I felt a little guilty about wanting to know that until my father admitted he wished he had asked it, too.

Post from: Blisstree

Question I wish I had asked

There might be feelings of relief that the parent is no longer suffering. However, for some, a parent’s death might bring about a sense of emotional freedom, especially when the relationship with the parent was conflicted:

But, with this relief might come feelings of guilt:

“We think it’s unseemly to ‘profit’ from a parent’s death, as though it means we’re glad they’re dead,” Safer says. “But research shows that a majority of bereaved adults report significant improvements in their lives after they have grieved for their parents.”

I’m guessing there are a lot of people who feel this way, and, would never admit it because, unless you’ve lived through it, it’s hard to understand. But, people need to know that it’s normal for some people for a variety of reasons.

Post from: Blisstree

Feeling relief when a parent dies

There are those official moments when you know you’ve been tossed into adultdom and you know it. Illness of a parent or making long-term lifetime commitments are the obvious choices of when we do “Crap, I’m a damned adult. Get me out of here.”

And, her post on the upcoming anniversary of her mother’s death is not to be missed.

As I’ve said lots of time here, I was catapulted into the world of adulthood when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Funny, though, until then, I had no idea I wasn’t and adult.

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The Unofficial Moment We Become An Adult

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Life changes after a parent’s death

I have two friends whose fathers are dying as I write this.

I guess I need to review what I learned from other people when my own mother died (hmm, seems like I’ve said my mother died “last year” forever, but, now I have to say she “died in 2006″. Weird.).

And fire up the deviled eggs.

Post from: Blisstree

More friends join the death of a parent ranks

I started talking about it at Busymom.net, and, I guess I just kept going over there.

Prior to the day, I found myself really restless, and, I couldn’t really pinpoint why, but, I guess this was it.

I talked to my dad to try to figure out what he was thinking, and, to see if he wanted to do anything in particular to celebrate (?) it.

He didn’t say anything about it, though he sounded a little down. I talked to him again later in the day, and, we decided to go out to eat. Other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

As I’ve told people, it seems like it was a year ago, yesterday, and, a lifetime ago all at once. I’m told that’s pretty normal, though.

In a way, it’s kind of nice to have a full year behind me, and, all the “firsts” that go with it.

I also want to thank you, dear readers, for being there with me during those “firsts”, and, helping to assure me that I haven’t indeed lost my mind.

OK, what mind I had left before all this started.

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The First Year

The first post, My Mother is Dying, tells of her colon cancer diagnosis, and, her rather rapid decline.

A Beautiful Death describes her joyful last days, and, finally, she wrote a Eulogy for My (her) Mother.

It’s a little hard for me to read so close to the first anniversary of my own mother’s death, but, it is beautiful, and, inspirational, don’t miss it.

(via Time Goes By)

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The Death of a Parent

I may be 41, but you never get over losing a parent. The cancer she had was really horrible and we saw this lovely, vibrant woman disintegrate before our eyes over a period of 14 months.

Go read the rest.

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Grieving a mother’s death

I didn’t get to see it, and, I don’t want to spoil everything about it for you, but, someone’s dad died. My friend, Sista Smiff, writes about her reaction to it based on her personal experience.

More about what inspired the episode can be found at the Grey’s Anatomy writer’s blog, Grey Matter, too. A particularly meaningful excerpt:

I’m sorry it was so hard to watch – but I believe that where there is darkness there is light. I believe that from death comes life. I believe that in the face of great pain, families become closer. Friendships become deeper. Life becomes sweeter. And I believe it’s important to be reminded of the loss of love so that we will value and honor the love we have while have it.

While I hope it’s true for everyone, it gives you something to think about.

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More on the death of a parent