Today, a friend of mine, Eliza, shared this post with me  Ten Dating Red Flags, by Rich Santos over at Marie Claire.  Rich shares some very important relationship points that are equally applicable to men and to women.  

For example:

1.  You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News.  Were you the last to learn about this person’s job promotion or newborn niece or nephew?  Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.

  OR

3.  The Don’t Make Any Sacrifices. Healthy relationships don’t require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union.  When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday.  While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn’t of invited him.  Now that’s sacrifice.

These points, they are important.  There needs to be some sense of connection, some sense of an ”us” in a long term relationship.  That give and take, it builds trust and security. 

The differences between the sexes can be very deep and mysterious and in some ways that’s good. Too much familiarity can change something sexy into something friend-y, but for the most part, there has to be some common ground, some shared vision of where we are coming from if we are to ever get the next phase in a relationship. It is heartening to learn that men and women are looking for the same things in a relationship. It’s boys vs. girls world. 

I want to understand men.  I want to figure out the man-puzzle, if there is one. I love men and it’s important to me that my daughters learn to enjoy and understand the opposite sex, as well, which is tough when you are growing up in single parent household. My hope for their future is a loving and enduring relationship. It is my hope for your future, too.

Do you have your own version of a red flags list?  Do you have an important piece of the man-puzzle mystery that you’d like to share? 

Post from: Blisstree

Men and Women – Are We Really That Different?

So, yes, they ask the question, they just phrase it different.

All my life I’ve witnessed guys walking around shirtless, despite less than perfect bodies, sometimes with full-on prominent guts displayed for all the world to see. I assumed this meant that men did not give much thought to how they looked or more specifically – they didn’t sweat the beer belly. I was wrong.

What percentage of men worry about body image? “One body-image study found that 45 percent of men were dissatisfied with their physiques; women were only slightly less satisfied at 55 percent,” according to a study mentioned in a 6 part article on Male Body Image — Infoplease.com, by Alice Potter.

Reading Zimmerman’s piece, it gave me a lot to think about. I feel like this information gave me some peek into the psyche of man, like it let one of their well-guarded secrets slip and I feel more powerful because I now have the knowledge that men can be just as uptight as women when it comes to looks. Maybe men and women aren’t as different as originally thought? They look might look rough and tough, but I’ve learned a few things over my years of living and working with both big men and the little men I see every day at school. It’s this – they have feelings, too, much as they try to hide them. So, as I warn my daughters, “Be gentle with boys, because the can be very fragile.”

Post from: Blisstree

Do Men Worry About What They See When They Look In the Mirror?

I’ve tried to be more relaxed about our relationship lately. We’ve been a couple for a year now and although I love him very much, it’s been a challenging year. We live 6 hours apart and that may not sound far, but between us we have the responsibilities of 6 children and 4 jobs. It’s not easy to get together time.

He’s spoken about long term plans in a loose sort of way – he sees us together. I can see that happening, but I’m also somewhat focused on the day to day. A long distance relationship requires maintenance like any other relationship, maybe even more.

He went through a sort of crisis this past Winter which lead to a move and job changes. It took some time and he struggled. When he struggled, he would be out of touch. When we would speak again, he would be surprised that I was upset. Didn’t I know that he loved me? Didn’t I understand that sometimes he just needed to be left alone? I resented that everything was on his terms. Didn’t he understand that I had emotional needs, as well?

At one point I found that I felt morally superior to him – I’d never treat the people that I loved in the way that he treated me. It bothered me that I felt that way. I didn’t think that things would work out between us, I thought it’d be easier to find someone who lived close, but I made the decision to wait the rough patch out.

Currently, we are on the other side of that patch. Still, nothing is perfect and today he hurt my feelings. I felt angry. I let it go. I emailed my friend and vented a bit. I told myself that this problem was not here to stay, it was a temporary thing that would pass. I reminded myself that this did not have to be solved today, that I love him and my kids love him and yeah, sometimes he’s complicated, but he’s not only complicated.

Dating, relationships, they are tough. There’s no perfect person anywhere. Sometimes I have to remind myself to relax, to remember that men and women are different. In the past I’ve given up on things when they got too challenging. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve watched my sister and her husband, I’ve seen that sometimes I’m going to think my guy is a jackass, because sometimes he is a jackass. If I can’t handle that, then we aren’t meant for the long term.

So, again, I’ll wait it out. I hope that he will do the same when I am inevitably playing the role of jackass.

Post from: Blisstree

Sometimes There’s A Jackass…