In my devotional today I came across this passage from a Madeline l’Engle book:

  My son-in-law, Alan Jones, told me a story of a Hassidic rabbi, renowned for his piety. He was unexpectedly confronted one day by one of his devoted youthful disciples. In a burst of feeling, the young disciple exclaimed, “My master, I love you!” The ancient teacher looked up from his books and asked his fervent disciple, “Do you know what hurts me, my son?” The young man was puzzled. Composing himself, he stuttered, “I don’t understand your question, Rabbi. I am trying to tell you how much you mean to me, and you confuse me with irrelevant questions.” “My question is neither confusing nor irrelevant,” rejoined the rabbi, “For if you do not know what hurts me, how can you truly love me?

With so many men and women longing to be loved in their marriages and believing, for what ever reason they are not, I wonder how apropos the rabbi’s words were to all of us?

Bear with me as I wax philosophical this morning…no coffee yet.

We grow up and during that process we all experience hurt, rejection, pain…most of us deal with it as best we can and move on into our adult lives believing we have the tools to be “mature” adults who are now ready for permanent relationships.

We find the perfect mate.  They too have compensated for the wounds and the  hurts and we limp along together.  But while we may be encouraged to explore what makes our mate feel loved I don’t think most of us ever considers what hurts them.  And I don’t think most adults want to uncover that sensitive part of themselves.

If you knew exactly what hurt your mate would you cease doing it?

Maybe tonight would be a good time to sit down with a cup of coffee and ..umm…expose yourself.   What hurts you? What hurts your mate?

I think I know what hurts Marc. I think it is criticism and not having faith in him as a man and leader of our family.  And I think I have been guilty of a lot of that lately.

When my emotional needs aren’t met then the natural reaction is to become grasping.

I nursed every one of our kids..they all weaned at different ages but some of them weaned well into toddlerhood.  When they wanted to nurse, for hunger, thirst, or comfort they would nearly undress me no matter where we were or who was there.  They were determined to get what they needed.

I think emotionally we sometimes do that to our mates in the name of love.  In our society our love is a needy thing rather than a mature thing, wanting to have it our own way, in our time and our place.

It seems easy to point out that people like me, who are verbal, are like that…wanting to change others.  I know Marc could easily point at me and say “You want me to be different, someone who I am not.” because I have shared my needs with him and what I need from him.  It is obvious.

But even if you are the quiet type, like Marc, you may be requiring your mate change to meet your needs.  I have had to change immensely to accommodate Marc’s unspoken  wants and needs and preferences, and yet I think he would say that he never “asked” me to change…Which is technically true.  But change I have, and there has been no choice except just chucking the relationship and moving on…which is not a choice for me.

I think that the times our marriage has been the best has been when each of us is more concerned with the needs and wants of the other than we are with our own needs and wants.

The most difficult thing in the world is to be true to who you are while at the same time seeking the best for your mate.

I haven’t found that line, have you?

p.s..we have been getting some ads on site that we have no control over.  Tech support is working on it..but if you get to the page and there is an offensive ad just refresh the page and it should go away.  thanks for bearing with us through this.

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Post from: Blisstree

What Defines True Love?

So, as if we haven’t had to adapt to enough changes over the past fifteen months, Marye taking over the driving has really tried her schedule of too few hours in a day.

With all of the other stresses put on us the last two Doctor visits have had the “C” word (cancer) float into the conversation. This Tuesday really did it. The Doctor asked, “Marc, you haven’t been driving have you? Marc you can not drive until you are six months seizure and/or syncope free.”

Busted.

Our son Chris has left his ‘06 Dodge Ram,”Yes it’s got a HEMI in it” 4×4 for me to drive while he is overseas for the next three years. Now it will sit for a while.

Today I thought Marye was going to lose it. Normally I would drive Matthew to college and pick him up. Marye has to do that now which means she is taken away from her work, blogging and freelance writing assignments.

If you have read Marye’s post from a few days ago, I am trapping the resident raccoons and releasing them on the 100 acre sanctuary that our church is situated on. Well, guess what my lovely wife had to do today?

You got it. She had to drive the little critter and myself sixteen miles to the church, after dropping Matt at college. Ethan also was with us this afternoon and needed to get his hair cut. You got it! Lots of errands. Time crunch.

Then we were off to the health food center for Marye to reward herself and get a massage and I was to meet with the nutritionist to see if she could recommend some herbal remedies for me.

When she read my list of meds it kind of overwhelmed her . She needs to research some things and get back to us.

As we left there Marye asked I needed anything at the grocers next door. I told her I needed shaving cream and after shave balm. So we go in for 2 things and check out with too many items for the express lane. As the cashier is ringing us up, the 3rd item comes up on the register screen at $109,895.00! Talk about inflation.

Another 10-15 minutes later we exit the store. Now it is time to pick Matt up at the college. Needless to say Marye’s schedule for the day was derailed and a major disaster was looming.

Marye was driving and started talking about dinner and how she won’t have time to prepare it. Then she asks me if I know how to fillet a chicken breast. She knows my cooking skills. and should have known my answer would be no, I never have done that. So now she is explaining to me how to do it.

After we get home, I accomplish the filleting and add a cinnamon chipotle rub to the breasts. Let them soak in the rub and start up the grill. Ethan is inside preparing the jasmine rice and a short while later we are all sitting down to eat.

It was good. Several of the kids even commented on how good the chicken came out. Through this I may finally learn to cook after all these years.

It’s almost 11:00 pm and I’m just about to post this and tomorrow we get to do it all over. Pray for Marye. She needs it.

Did I mention I set the live trap out by the chicken coop tonight. Tomorrow could be a repeat of today, and I need to get a ride to work and back, also.

Blessings

Post from: Blisstree

It’s Been Another Day