This will be my last post for CFS Squared – Tales of CFS. I have enjoyed writing here, for the past two years. But it’s time for me to move on now.

I must say, that this last word stuff is a little daunting. I kind of want to sneak away – and leave you with fun and quirky posts. But, I owe more than that to all of you, and to myself.

On more than one occasion, I have written about Do No Harm. I am going to share a little secret with all of you. Writing and/or following a health blog about chronic illness eats away at the energy you have. It most certainly eats away at mine, which is why I don’t read illness related news blurbs or other blogs. Spending so much time thinking about your illness and how others cope = self harm.

What we should be doing is enjoying life. We should be singing songs to our friends on the phone, hosting dance party in our living rooms, reading Dr Seuss to our favorite 3 year old, playing catch with our dog and his best tennis ball, and throwing fancy dinner parties where we serve pizza and KFC with very expensive wine.

We need to savor the small stuff. Stop analyzing every pain and cough.

Sure, reading about how other people cope with their issues can be somewhat helpful – but this journey is about learning what works for you. My tricks won’t work for everyone. Just like yours won’t always work for me. The best thing to do, is to get out there, and start figuring out what helps. The only way to do that, is to just do it. Be your own Nike advert.

Reading about recent developments for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia, is not going to help you get well. The latest drug may make life slightly easier for a little while, but will most likely become less effective. I will say one last thing. And this will be the most important advice that you will hear….

Get out of your head!

Now go outside and have some fun!

It’s been a pleasure.

**Picture Source - flickr

Post from: Blisstree

The Swan Song

After a week, some of the seeds have started sprouting…which proves that at least my thumbs are partly green. I took some fantastic pictures, but alas the usb port on my camera cable is bent, and so all pictures will have to wait, until I replace it.

Hopefully they will keep growing….I am getting really excited about it, and can’t wait to start using them. The one thing I have learned already, is to make sure you mark your rows. I neglected to do that, and now I don’t know which herbs have sprouted and which haven’t. A mistake that will not be made on my next attempt. Oh well, its all a learning process.

Will report more on the garden in a couple of days.

In the meantime, to tie you over-here is a picture of what Lemon Balm is supposed to look like.

Image details: Lemon balm plant served by picapp.com

Post from: Blisstree

The Start of My Journey Into Medicinal Herb Growing

Now lets get down to business.  CFS Squared is of course about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and all of the stuff that goes with it (good and bad), and there is a lot of good that comes with this illness.  For the most part, I write about my personal journey with this illness.  I share what works for me, and what doesn’t.  Sometimes I write about the happenings in the Chronic Fatigue world, but most often I get myself into trouble, when I do that so I tend to shy away from hot topics.  If you have a topic that you would like to see addressed, please shoot me an email to laura@b5media.com and hopefully I will be able to write my take on something that you would like to see.

There are some things that CFS Squared is not.  CFS Squared is not written by a medical professional.  There is a disclaimer that can be found on the sidebar.  I will always suggest that you talk things over with your health care practitioner before making a decision on something that you have read here.  What has worked for me, may not work for you.  Please understand that we are all different, and our illness varies between person to person.  The same goes for commenters.  Any comment that you have read on this blog, can not be taken as advice from a healthcare practitioner. These are people living with the illness, just like you and me.  There is a big range of how we each deal with CFS as individuals.

CFS Squared is not a forum.  I encourage comments, and I applaud readers for reaching out to each other via my blog posts.  Sometimes a topic that is covered, can get some pretty enthusiastic responses, and while I think that is fantastic – people who subscribe to comment feeds, can get more than a little overwhelmed.  I just think there is a better medium out there to communicate on topics with like minded individuals.  For instance, there are many forums on topics such as chronic illness or certain medications.  Support groups can be found everywhere (and this includes online groups). If you can’t find one that is suitable, you can try setting up your own.  There are lots of applications available.  Even Facebook will allow you to set up a little something.

Like I said, I don’t want to discourage comments. But I also don’t want the message of this blog to get lost.  In case the message has already gotten lost, let me reiterate it again.  CFS Squared is about living positively with a chronic illness.  It is a journey on how to go from living in your pajamas to regaining a positive life.

Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate all of you.

Post from: Blisstree

CFS Squared Is….

Your doctor gives you a few options:

• suggests you stop working, and implement the 50% rule, gives you a schedule of medications to take everyday
• gives you just the meds
• tells you to continue doing whatever you are doing, but make lifestyle changes
• refers you to a psychiatrist
• says that there are various alternative therapies that you should try, that can help

What would you do?  When I was first diagnosed, I followed the advice to follow the 50% rule, and take medication.  Now (keep in mind hindsight is 20/20 – and I am A LOT more informed these days) I would follow the combined advice of continuing to do what I was already doing, see a therapist, and seek out alternative treatment.

If all routes can lead to the same result – and they can (for many)- why do you choose your method?

I  know lots of people disagree with my reasoning (meds – bad!) – and I think its cool that they do.  Please leave a comment telling me why you feel differently….or why you agree?

Post from: Blisstree

CFS – You Have a Choice

Post from: Blisstree

Got Pot?

OK people, I have put up a new poll (on the sidebar). This time I want to know how much television you watch a week. Vote, and then come back to this post, and tell me about your viewing habits. Is there a television show that you just have to catch every week? If so, I want to hear about it. If you don’t watch television, then tell me what you do to fill that time.

For me, I don’t watch a tremendous amount of television, but I do like to watch series that have been released on dvd. In particular Dexter (I love love love this show) – but had to take a bit of a hiatus, with the whole Pickton Pig Farmer trial (just was a little too close for me) – but am ready to start watching it again.

Oh and on Saturday mornings, when I don’t have somewhere to go, I really like the old Scooby Doo cartoons.

Alright people, start voting – I want to hear from you.

**Picture Source – flickr

Post from: Blisstree

New Poll – Inquiring Minds Want to Know

The other night, I went out for coffee with an old friend. Someone who had been there through boyfriend problems, family fights, work woes, and someone who had selflessly given me a couch to sleep on when I was feeling lousy, but didn’t want to be at home anymore (before you think I am a sefish B – she got good stuff from me too). This was the first time we had seen each other or really even spoke in an entire year.

The reason for our estrangement? Me. Why? A bit of a longish story….but one worth relating.

Almost exactly a year ago, was the start of an incredibly bad health year for me. This blog has been a journal of sorts, so you most likely know all about my health struggles of last year. What initially happened actually had nothing to do with her- but she just got caught in the cross-fire of a head trip that I had pulled on myself.

It started when another very good friend of mine, got really tired of watching me be sick all the time. Not that I was complaining about it, I was just living with it. And not really doing too good of a job at that. Doctors’ couldn’t really help me. Alternative medicine was only half helping. I kept getting sick and would get a little better- just to get sick all over again (but worse). I was getting a little tired of fighting all the time. “G” had decided that he had enough, and refused to watch me die. He was at least honest about it. Recurring bouts of pneumonia can most certainly put you on the list for hospitalization – and that is just a short trip to the wait list for death.

While I pretend to have a busy life – my friends are all in the same boat. Work, family, life, social commitments – they take up a huge amount of time. When I am sick, and cutting back on activities, I tend to forget that the people in my life do not have to do the same. So while I am stuck in bed, feeling not fantastic wishing that someone would pick up a phone or drop by for tea- I tend to get upset when that doesn’t happen. In case you didn’t pick up on what I said – the key word was “wish”. This is something to remember. Even the bestest of friends do not have ESP. Of course, I sent a few “how are you?” emails. I couldn’t really pick up a phone (its hard to talk with pneumonia), but not everyone has the time to respond to generic salutations via email. I certainly do not answer every single email that I get. Did I tell her that I was sick, and needed her to come hang out with me. I don’t remember, but probably not. Had I sent her a text message or email that said 911 – I probably would have gotten a response.

So while I was stewing over the fact that my closest friend in the city, no longer wanted to have anything to do with me, because it would hurt him too much if I had died (I know that I sound utterly dramatic here), I had somehow twisted things in my brain to think that everyone in my life was feeling the same way. In short, I had felt abandoned by the people that I really needed in my life. When in reality, they were just really busy. My way of handling it was a big F*** You to everyone I knew. If they could just cut me out of their lives without any consequence, then I could do the same.

What a trip we can play on ourselves.

After about 7 months of the initial disappearance my friend Lisa, tried to reach out to me via a few emails. At that point I was firmly settled into my delusional trip. I wanted to have nothing to do with her, or anyone else, for that matter. My so called tribe had been euthanized. I hurt her, by responding with total nonsense that I didn’t mean. I reacted that way, to prove to myself, that I could be mean spirited and unforgiving – like the way I felt that I had been treated by her.

Two months after that went down, I caught meningitis. When I started feeling a bit better, I had made a promise to myself that I would reach out to the people that I cared about. Including “G” and Lisa (and a whole slew of others). That didn’t exactly happen. Basically what it comes down to is that I got busy (isn’t that rich?). I didn’t mean to exclude anyone. But I kind of got caught up in getting myself well. I had to make the decision – did I want to be popular, or did I want to live. I chose life.

Which is why I was surprised and happy, that Lisa reached out to me a few weeks ago. I am not 100% sure on her reasons. I am just glad that she was brave enough to do it. I am pleased that we made a date for coffee. I am really happy that seeing her felt like absolutely no time has passed.

So what is the lesson here? Well first of all….Tribe is Tribe. Even when you are on the outs with someone who is important to you, it doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about you, and wishing you well. If the relationship is worth fighting for – then you fight by any means necessary.

2. When you are feeling lousy, and your head is playing a trip on you. Take a time out, and say – lets revisit this topic when I am feeling a bit better. Write your issue down somewhere, and revisit it in a week or a month, or 3. But don’t react at that time. It’s stupid. A lot of grief could be caused for absolutely no reason.

3. Try to remember that if you don’t hear from someone for a while its not because they are upset with you. It could be something like their job and their family is taking up a big portion (or all of) their time.

4. Let people know when you need them. I would have been thrilled if I had a 5 minute visit from her (or anyone) when I was ill. I just forgot to ask – because I just thought that she would have known that I needed it.

Anyway, to my friend Lisa – I really am very pleased that you reached out to me. Thank you.

**Picture Source – flickr

Post from: Blisstree

Tribe is Tribe

So the title of this post, is slightly misleading.  I don’t think that there is a magic age where depression stops being an issue for people.  However,  a study done by Dartmouth and the University of Warwick suggests that depression peaks at the age of 44.

It is said that only in a persons 50’s do most people emerge from a dark depression. 

So if depression, is a part of your CFS condition- how does this make you feel.  I suppose if you are already nearing the magic number of “44″ you would be happy with this news.

For those of us who have a bit to go before we reach our forties or fifties – this news is a tad depressing.

**Picture Source – flickr

link via boingboing

Post from: Blisstree

Depression Ends at 45

Mark this day on your calender (Jan 28, 2008) – which actually happens to be tomorrow.  This is the day, where not one, but two vending machines will start carrying medicinal marijuana.   Keep in mind that they will be located in the Los Angeles area, but if you live nearby – and have a doctor’s prescription, you can use them.

Here is how it works, once you are given your doctor’s ok – you need to go to the vending machine location, have your prescription approved, get finger-printed, and then get a prepaid credit card with your profile on it (which includes the dosage and the strain you prefer -up to 1oz a week!).  Then after you are all set up, all you have to do is go visit a machine, and you get your “prize”.  These machines are available to the patients 24/7 and are guarded by security for your safety.  I wonder if there are machines close by where you can buy snack-food items.  Or at least be in the close vicinity of a 7-11 store or a Denny’s – for when the munchies hit.

If you are currently taking medicinal marijuana for CFS/FM this might be something you may want to consider trying.  It may be less of a hassle.

Future plans include machines to dole out Vicodin, Viagra, and Propecia.

These vending machines can be found at:

Melrose Quality Pain Relief

4906 Melrose Ave
Mid- Wishire 323-957-7777

Herbal Nutrition Center
1435 S. La Cienega Blvd Suite G
Mid Wilshire 310 855 9484

Link from Thrillist.

**Picture Source – flickr 

Post from: Blisstree

Vending Machine Weed

Now the reason for this post. Going green, saving energy, compact fluorescent lamps (CFL) are all over the news. It seems to be what everyone wants to talk about these days. So lets talk about it. Australia and Canada have both put a ban on incandescent light bulbs. By 2010 and 2012 respectively, these countries will be incandescent lamp free. Good news! The UK on the other hand is dragging their feet on this issue. In September, Britain`s environment secretary announced a voluntary agreement that would see stores stop selling incandescent bulbs by 2011. Here is where it gets a little sketchy. The British Migraine Action Association wants this ban lifted, because they think that compact fluorescents give some people migraines.

The BMAA thinks that the cause of the migraines are two fold.

1. The flickering of the lamps
2. The low intensity of the lamps cause eye strain

I decided to do a bit of thinking on this matter. I have compact fluorescents (CFL) in my house. Two types actually. I have a PL13 lamp that looks like this. Only when I am very tired can I see it flicker.

The rest of the compact fluorescents (CFL) in my home are spirals. I have never seen them flicker. Not even once. Spirals look like this

Seems that I just solved problem number one- flickering. So I took my findings to someone I know who is an expert in lighting, and asked for some clarification. This is what happened. If it gets technical, I am sorry – if its confusing, and you need some help sorting things out – just ask, and I will do my best to de-technify it.

I did an interview with the General Manager of a reputable lighting wholesale company (who prefers to remain anonymous), here is our conversation:

Laura – In the UK they are proposing to have the ban against incandescent lightbulbs lifted because compact fluorescents (CFL) can cause migraines. 2 reasons behind that 1) they flicker and 2) low light intensity. I have both PL13 and spirals in my house, and when I am tired (which comes with light sensitivity) I can tell that the PL flickers – but only when I am really really tired. I don’t notice the spirals ever flickering. Is it that easy? End of problem number 1….spirals don’t flicker?

Lighting Expert- Most of the old PL13’s operate with a magnetic ballast that operates at 60hz. At 60hz there may be a flicker noticed by the human eye. The more recent spirals are most often operated by an electronic ballast. The electronic ballasts operate at a minimum of 20Khz (20,000hz) this flicker is still there but not visible. The newer electronic ballasts operate at as high as 40+ Khz. There is no flickering going on then. At least that is visible.

OK, excellent. Would you like to mention anything else about Compact Fluorescent Lamps (CFL)

Lighting Expert- They would better off banning them due to the plastic and the mercury content…why don’t people think of the environment?

Think of where plain old glass and tin comes from. Then think about how it breaks down at a landfill or recycling facility. Do the same for CFL’s. Glass, rare earth phosphors, amalgam with mercury.

The problem is the power consumption of the two. It takes a great deal more power to run the household 60 to 100w lightbulbs. We need to take power plants and C02 emissions into consideration. I think the secret lies in newer technology…perhaps LED’s and induction light sources.

So the expert and I have put a huge hole in the lightbulb flickering debate. Human eyes can not see the flickering on the new compact fluorescent lamps (CFL). However, there are better reasons to ban these lamps. Like he said new technology is on the horizon…so all is not lost.

Special thanks to DL from clp for explaining this whole situation to me.

And a big hat tip to Marijke from Help My Hurt – a great new b5 blog, for bringing the article in question, to my attention.

Post from: Blisstree

The Lightbulb Theory – It`s Cracked!