The Arkansas chapter of the ACLU filed the lawsuit in Pulaski County to attempt to overturn Act 1, which was approved last month.

To read more…ACLU of Arkansas sues over adoption restrictions.

Post from: Blisstree

ACLU sues over Adoption Restrictions

Do we talk to AJ about his birth mother? No. He can’t handle it yet. I wish he could but he can’t. We talk to him, instead about Russia. About the orphanage. About the country he came from, not about “where” he came from.

I wish I could because she is part of me too. No matter where my child is from his birth parents are a part of him and we need to teach him that. We need to show him that. With AJ we just need to allow him to guide us and let us know when it is the right time.

To define open adoption would be like defining the word faith. Every open adoption is different in that every family has their own degree of openness in which they are comfortable. Technically Open Adoption refers to the sharing of information and/or contact between the adoptive and biological parents of an adopted child. This can occur before, during and/or after the placement of the child. However, there are typically three types of open adoption: confidential (minimal information shared), mediated (information mediated through an agency), and fully disclosed (involves full disclosure between adoptive and birth parents).

Adoptive parents should know that having the birth parents in their lives does not have to be a threatening situation. Having them close allows you to better know your child by knowing the birth parents.

Additionally, research conducted back in 1993 shows that adoptive parents and birth mothers are generally satisfied despite the “normal” amounts of grief that accompanies adoption.

Read some Birth Mother Stories at Adoptive Families

Read these stories on Open Adoption.

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The Basics of Open Adoption

Please read her elegant words.

Post from: Blisstree

Birth Mother: On Being Thankful

In my family’s case, in 2005 our lives were changed forever when a pregnant woman went to our adoption agency and chose our profile from a pile of others. She and her partner, like my husband and me, were open to the idea of open adoption. She and her partner, like my husband and me, wanted to meet the other party involved before committing any further. In July, just two weeks before our daughter’s birth, we met for the first time.

After that first meeting, we agreed to moving forward with an open adoption, meaning that we would exchange identifying information, and that the adoption records would be, in essence, open. It meant that we could, when we were ready, exchange emails and phone numbers, and proceed with communication without the aid of our adoption agency.

The first few months after our daughter’s birth, we exchanged emails. We arranged for our first meeting since the day we took Megan home from the hospital via email, and met at the agency over the Christmas season. From there, Jane (not her real name) and I began calling more on the phone rather than email, and we began meeting at fun places, like the park, so that the children (she has an older son) could play. As we chatted more frequently, I got to see more of what was going on in her life. I could tell that I was becoming her sounding board for an array of things, from problems at work to dating dilemmas. In all honesty, the topic of adoption doesn’t often come up. Or it didn’t really come up, until last November when she called, telling us that she was expecting a child, in the summer of 2008.

During this pregnancy, we spoke even more often on the phone , and began text messaging as well. As is the case with many women who place children for adoption, Jane didn’t have much of a support network through this most recent pregnancy. I did a lot of listening over those nine months. She didn’t ask often for advice, and I didn’t offer any unsolicited. While my husband and I had talked about how we could plan in case she did chose adoption for this baby, I kept those thoughts to myself. She asked us in March if we would, in fact, adopt this new baby, and we were able to say yes. Would she have considered adoption for Andrew if we hadn’t developed a relationship? If she couldn’t call me directly and ask me? If she didn’t know she could find out how we were doing? I have no idea.

Since Andrew’s placement in June 2008, she’s made choices that makes visiting with the children inappropriate. We have had difficult conversations these past few months, mostly involving boundaries and healthy life choices. Through it all, she’s kept us posted where she is staying and how to reach her. She asks how the children are, and we talk about their older brother.

It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it. It’s worth it for the tidbits that I learn through our conversations–the foods she craved while pregnant, the age she was when she got glasses, similarities between her older son and our children. It’s worth it when I get the phone call on election night last week, telling me that she voted for the very first time.

It is worth it because Megan and Andrew will know about their birthmother. They will know what she looks like, why she placed them for adoption, what her favorite things are. It is my intention to continue working on this relationship with Jane, so that they will be able to ask her any questions they may have surrounding their placement and/or background. It is worth it because I know so much more than I would if we weren’t in frequent contact. Details that may or may not matter to the children as they grow, but details I am glad that I know.

It is worth it because I am a mother to two incredible children, children who would not be with me if it were not for Jane. The least I can do is to make sure my children know who she is.

Post from: Blisstree

Guest Post: Worth it All

I could subtitle this: I Have Screwed Up and Now I Must Fix It

Today Madison had ballet class. She was so excited. The night before she danced around and clapped her hands saying, “Tomorrow is ballet!” She picked out her ballet shirt and her tutu and asked me to fix her hair just like her ballet teacher’s. (Pulled into a simply ponytail.) She said, “I’m sure I’m going to do it all by myself this time! Again and again!” She skipped across the parking lot, calling “hi!” to one of the other ballet girls on the way. She skipped into the center, stopping to say hello to the woman who staffs the front desk. She greeted her teacher with an excited, “My hair is like yours!” And then skipped into the room to say hello to the other girls. She introduced herself to one (another Maddie) and to another whose name begins with E. She much admires E.

E. was sliding around in her tights, slipping across the floor and falling in her mother’s arms. One of the other girls was trying to slip, too, only she had bare feet so they were sticking to the floor. E’s mother said, “I think that you won’t be able to slip in bare skin. Bare skin can be kind of sticky and sweaty and it’s not very slippery.” Madison — standing to the side and watching — said, “I have brown skin.”

“I know you do,” said E’s mom. “It’s so beautiful, too.”

Oh — did I mention everyone in the class is white? Except Madison? Well, they are.

Madison came running across the room and buried her head in my chest.

“I don’t want to do ballet,” she mumbled into my shirt.

She cried 3/4 of the way through the class. I stood next to her and held her hand and at one point took her out of the room because she was so beside herself. I finally — with the excellent teacher’s help — got her to skip across the room in the path of the other girls. I was standing back to the side watching her tremulous smile as she twirled her way and I started to cry. Because when I took her out of the room she said, “I have brown skin and it’s not sticky.” And I said, “Madison, all skin acts the same way whatever color it is. It is all the same. Your skin is just like mine except that we have different colors.” And she said, “But you’re still my mommy.”

When we got home and were sitting down eating lunch I said, “You know, Madison, I know that you are the only person in that ballet class with brown skin. I think that must get tiring to feel different so I think we need to find another dance class where there are other children with brown skin.”

“Oh yes,” she said. “I want a class where it is ALL children with brown skin.”

“I think one reason ballet class was feeling hard today is that you were feeling uncomfortable after you talked to that mommy about sticky skin. I think you were feeling different.”

“Brown skin is not sticky,” she affirmed.

“All skin gets sticky,” I told her. “Because all skin acts the same way whatever color it is. When your feet get sweaty they stick on the floor and you can’t slide around. But still, it must be tiring to be the only kid with brown skin all the time.”

She agreed that this was so and I promised her that I would find her a class where there would be lots of brown skinned girls.

I slacked off. We had our affirmative action babysitter program but then we didn’t need our babysitter’s services anymore. Than we found the preschool where there was a black teacher and brown skinned kids were in the majority but she didn’t like to be there. And so I took the easy way out because we were already running Noah around so heck, why not just sign her up there at the same rec center figuring, hey, there are some black kids here and there (most — if not all — of ‘em with white moms). No big deal. Well, clearly big deal. There are two other more diverse rec centers within close driving distance and I was just too lazy to look up the classes there. Yeah, it’s all understandable but my kid is the one who has to pay for it.

I just wish that these lessons I need to learn didn’t come at my kid’s expense.in national publications including Yoga Journal, Disney’s Family.com, Utne, Wondertime, Brain Child and Salon. Currently I am working on a book about my daughter’s adoption and seeking representation for the proposal. I also own Open Book Strategies with my husband.

Post from: Blisstree

Guest Post: Good Intentions

A phone call Sunday, March 5, 2000 was the end of 7 years of waiting and the
start of a new beginning in our lives. The call was telling us that our new
child’s birth mother’s water broke and she was in the hospital and we should
come to Nebraska.

Let me start at the beginning. I am Kay. We live in rural Oregon. I am a 40
year old mother of 3 wonderful homegrown children, Melissa 18, Jordan 15,
Allison 13. I have been married to my best friend Russell for 21 years. For
the last 7 years I have known and prayed for the other child I knew was
still to join our family.

Last November I started talking with a young woman who emailed me after
seeing our information on my web site http://www.preciouskids.org/ . She was
looking for a family for her unborn baby. Christmas week she asked us to
parent her baby. I then began 8 weeks of preparation to breastfeed our
adopted child.

March 6, 2000 Miss Haley Elizabeth was born to a wonderful young high school
couple who chose to give her life and place her with us. We arrived in
Nebraska 24 hours after that Sunday evening phone call and phoned the
hospital. We were told, “You have a baby girl!” We could not get there fast
enough. We still had 3 hours of driving to go. We arrived when she was 5
hours old. That night we met Connie and Mike and their family for the first
time. We met our daughter! What a joyful, emotional, and confusing time.
After a couple of hours we had to leave them to go to the hotel for the
night. It was so difficult to leave our daughter.

The next morning we arrived at the hospital. Connie was alone with the baby
so Russell left to run some errands so I could visit with Connie alone.
After being assured by Connie that we were going forward with the adoption,
I asked if I could nurse her. Connie knew of my plans and preparation and
was supportive. She said yes! I put the baby to my breast and she latched on
perfectly. She knew exactly what to do. What joy and bonding I felt at that
instant. Connie later told the social worker how much it meant to her to see
me nurse Haley and bond with her so quickly.

The rest of the day we spent at the hospital. That afternoon Connie went
home. That was an emotional time for all of us. Connie and Mike love her so
much. It was very difficult for them. They knew they were making the best
choice for Haley. I nursed her and held her most of the day. That evening we
had to leave her in the hospital again as we went back to the hotel. The
next morning we returned early to spend the day with our daughter. That
evening her birth parents returned to the hospital to sign the paper
releasing Haley to us. We then walked out of the hospital with a new
daughter.

That night we met Connie and Mike and Connie’s family at their church where
we had a wonderful ceremony dedicating ourselves to loving Haley and raising
her to the Lord. We had asked Connie and Mike to be Haley’s God-parents.
Afterwards we put Haley in her car seat. Russell and I walked to the car as
we left Haley with Connie and Mike so they could say their good-byes. After
several minutes they brought her to us in the car and we said goodbye. That
is the last time we saw them. We returned to the hotel to hold and watch the
miracle daughter God had brought to us. As we lay in bed and I nursed her to
sleep such a great sense of peace flooded me. I had a new daughter!

Monday 3-13-2000 Haley and I arrived home to Oregon to meet our other
children Melissa 17, Jordan 15, and Allison 12. Russell had flown home 3
days earlier, while I stayed in Nebraska to wait for the Interstate Compact
approval to take the baby home.

I stayed in the home of a wonderful woman I met online. Her family had also
adopted. In her home Haley and I got to know each other and got used to our
nursing relationship.

She is a great nurser, super latch. She likes to nurse a long time and
switch sides often. I typical feeding involves 4 ten minute sessions. Then
she will take a couple ounces of formula in a bottle or the Lact-aid
supplementer. She nurses often. She is a good baby. I am absolutely in love.
I used the sling a lot in their home so I could nurse more discretely around
her husband and 15 year old son. Haley seems to really like the sling. She
sleeps very well in it.

Melissa, Jordan and Allison could not wait to each hold her. They will be
wonderful big brothers and sisters. Melissa has no college that week and has
taken the week off work to be home and help me. I home school Jordan and
Allison so they are home too. It is a sweet time with our new family member.

PS. We continue to have a wonderful open relationship with Mike & Connie. We
send emails and photos every month and have occasional phone calls. Mike &
Connie and their families sent Haley birthday and Christmas presents. We are
hoping to have them visit this summer. We brought home lots of mementos from
Nebraska to be able to share with Haley where she was born. Haley is truly
blessed to be loved by 2 families.

Copyright  2000-2008 Kay Green / www.Preciouskids.org
Kay Green is founder of www.MyPreciousKid.com

Post from: Blisstree

Guest Post: Precious

Post from: Blisstree

Gotcha Baby Introduces…

The news this week is out of Gloucester, Massachusets where there are 17 expecting teen girls, all of them 16 and under. Half of them confessed to the principal that they had made a pregnancy pact and were going to raise the babies together.

The Times has pulled up many reasons for this “pregnancy problem”. Apparently, because of economy issues families are broken, teens are growing up with direction, and there are other teens raising children. In fact, there is a 3% rise in teen pregnancy since 2006.

My question is, who is going to raise these babies when these teens realize they want to get out of a decrepit town, when they realize that parenthood is not for them, when they realize the attention is all gone?

Will their parents raise that child? Will the child got to foster care, be relinquished for adoption?

Read More:
Babylune
ABC News
: Psychology of a Pregnancy Pact
Today
MTV

Post from: Blisstree

Fast Times for Teen Pregnancy

She and her ex-husband, Johnny, adopted 6 children between the mid-1990’s and 2005 when Sean and his biological brother and sister were the last to be placed with the family. Most of the children had emotional issues and “other families didn’t want them”. They learned of older children adoptions through the Dave Thomas Foundation.

Upon accepting the children she and her husband decided to use the discipline techniques of Rev. Michael Pearl: swatting children with flexible plastic rods, quick punishment, and making sure not to bring self esteem down (and you have GOT TO READ THIS! because there is no way in all get out that any foster child would obey their newly adoptive parents in this manner!)

Lynn Paddock denied claims by some of the children that she wrapped their faces in duct tape or forced Sean and his sister to eat feces. She said she did make Sean’s brother eat his own vomit, but said she thought he was acting out like two of the other children.

I’m wondering why the social worker didn’t pick up on the abuse but she stated that Paddock lied about hitting the children. Hmmm…how can you possibly hide that much?

Post from: Blisstree

Lynn Paddock on Trial for Death of 4-year-old

When the Donaldson Adoption Institutes’s report on transracial adoption came out recently it state that non-black families should not be given first choice to adopt…that same race families should.

But, my opinion was that it left children in foster care because to find a same race family to adopt may not always work out. Should children really be prevented from being placed in a forever home because of their race or their potential parent’s race?

Instead, why not educate transracial parents on culture, send children to schools that are more mixed, or ask that children attend summer camps with children of the same race?

Sure, it is not ideal but it still provides children with part of their culture. Instead of growing up in the white suburbs with all white people they would at least have some background.

One such adoptive mother who has done a good job is Theresa Alden, a mother of two black children, Gavin and Graem. She has set up a support group for families who have adopted children of a different race as well changed her lifestyle.

When Theresa Alden adopted two black boys from an agency in Philadelphia, she changed her lifestyle for them and they changed her outlook on race.Alden, who is 50 and white, started attending a black church near her home in Lancaster, established a network of black friends and acquaintances, began listening to more black music and buying children’s books by black authors.

“My boys will be in a minority here. How do you face the issues that go along with that?” she said when asked about her attempts to give them role models and points of reference.

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Transracial Adoption at its Best