Out of 225 respondents:

- 22 said they were tired of giving 100% to their EDs;
- 11 said they were trying to get better because of their friends/family;
- 19 said they were afraid of getting sick(er) or of dying;
- 29 said that most of the above answers applied;
- 87 said they didn’t want to get rid of their EDs;
- 25 said they didn’t have an ED (god bless them!); and
- 32 said they wanted to live and not just exist.

Now, I must say that at first these numbers shocked me. I kept thinking, “Why are so many people (87 out of 225!) clinging to their EDs?” However, I started to realize that MOST of the respondents do want to recover. In other words, the number 87 is a little deceiving. Although it does represent 39% of the persons who contributed, it would seem that more Breaking the Mirror visitors do want to get rid of their eating disordered behavior than do not.

I’m curious-did the answers surprise you in any way?

Post from: Blisstree

To get better or not to get better… that is the question…

Eighth grade, the first year of my “official” ana status (in my opinion), was exciting but always somewhat overwhelming.  I was quickly losing weight, but confidence in my appearance wasn’t occurring simultaneously.  That school year was definitely spent experimenting with different ways to starve, hide food, avoid eating, and the like.

The next year, ninth grade, was truly not as bad.  Sure, I was holding myself to a certain weight, but I wasn’t making myself go any further down numbers-wise.  I had friends that year and liked to hang out with them.  So even though the anorexia was hanging around, it didn’t define me nearly as much as it did the previous year.

Then came tenth grade and with it a whole host of problems.  Boyfriends.  (Bad ones.)  Senior high.  (You try being a skinny geek.)  Depression.  (Yep, I had it all goin’ on!)  I alternated between starving myself and bingeing when out with a group.  Yet through it all I maintained my weight within a few pounds. 

Eleventh grade was Hell.  Hell.  Hell.  I can’t even describe how horrendous it was.  Ana and I couldn’t have been much closer.

Then came senior year and with it a slight reprieve from the emotionally draining anorexia.  I felt a little stronger, a little freer, a little more confident in who I was as a person. 

The moral of this long tale?  Anorexia doesn’t always take the place of a downward spiral.  Sometimes it fluctuates, which is probably why so many loved ones ignore their relatives and friends with eating disorders.  See, they expect that if you’re gaining weight and feeling better that the anorexia, bulimia or binge eating must have disappeared! 

But we know otherwise, don’t we?

Post from: Blisstree

EDs: Not always a downward spiral

Sarah, a commenter, had this to say.  It really impressed me… especially the last bit about commodes:

I was just thinking about this. I have had quite the history with bulimia and while I have mostly overcome it, last week I had gastroenteritis. While sick I made myself throw up multiple times because it made me feel better. I did a lot of thinking about WHY it made me feel better, and when my throat started hurting today (a week after the itis started) I got to thinking about all the germs I introduced to my throat by purging.

While I was actively bulimic (are we ever NOT actively eating disordered?) I never thought about this stuff – but my toilet was the cleanest on the block.

I never considered that bulimics probably have a habit of cleaning their toilets fastidiously.  But it would make perfect sense.  Who wants to have splatters around the rim?  And wouldn’t they be tell-tale signs of bingeing and purging?

Post from: Blisstree

This week’s favorite comment: Bulimics and clean commodes

Again, I’ve given it some thought and here are my theories:

1.  They really don’t know that their partner is anorexic or bulimic.  Eating disordered individuals are very adept at covering up their illnesses, even from their most intimate friends and lovers.  And let’s face it — if a guy started dating a girl who was severely underweight, he might just assume that was normal for her.

2.  They don’t want their significant other to get mad at them… or leave them.  I really believe some spouses and girl-/boyfriends worry that they’ll lose the love of their lives if they say, “Hey — there’s a problem here.  Let’s talk.”

3.  They just don’t give a crap.  I’ve had boyfriends like this.  They’re happy to see you shrivel and die; it means more chicken nuggets for them.

4.  They are attention-hogs.  If they’re so self-absorbed that every waking minute is spent on “me, me, me”, they have no time to worry about what’s happening to their partner.

5.  They don’t want to tackle the problem.  I think there are probably some folks out there who know that their partner has an ED, but don’t want to bring up the subject because then they might be faced with having to go to counseling, pay for in-patient or outpatient treatments and make adjustments to their own lives.

6.  They like the fact that their partners are anorexic or bulimic.  Yes, folks, these wackos are out there.  Again, I dated one.  It was NOT a happy experience.

7.  They are anorexic, bulimic or a binge eater, too.  I think that couples can be eating disordered, don’t you?  It makes sense, especially those who are living together and ingesting (or avoiding) the same types of foods.

Again, I encourage you to add your 2.5 cents!  Let’s grow these lists together.

Post from: Blisstree

Why significant others ignore the signs of eating disorders

I always ask myself, “Why didn’t the mom/dad know?  Why didn’t she/he do anything?”  See, I’ve witnessed a lot of parents turning a blind eye to anorexia, bulimia and binge eating in their kids. 

I have some personal theories on the subject that I’d like to share.  They aren’t definitive by any means, of course, but are only thoughts.  Feel free to share yours, too.

1.  They don’t understand what an eating disorder is.  This is tough to accept, since it feels like “everyone” should know about EDs.  But the fact is that they don’t.  So if they are ignorant of anorexia and bulimia, they aren’t going to suspect them.

2.  They are eating disordered themselves.  I think that for some families, eating disorders and ED behaviors are hereditary.  Thus, a mom who sees her daughter avoiding food may not find it that unusual since she’s doing it herself.

3.  They like the results.  Let’s face it; for some parents, hearing, “Wow!  Your daughter is beautiful and thin!  She could be a model!” probably makes their heads swell.  It’s much easier to accept words like those in our society than to hear, “Your kid really needs to lose weight.”

4.  They just don’t care.  I hate to admit it, but I know some moms and dads don’t give two figs about their offspring.  Sad, but true.

5.  They are ashamed.  Parents tend to think that everything their kids do reflects negatively on them.  So if they admit there’s a problem, they’ll be forced to put themselves in the spotlight. 

That’s all I have… how about you?

Post from: Blisstree

Why do parents ignore eating disorders?

According to the book “Chalked Up” by Jennifer Sey, a former American gymnast, both coaches and parents can be complicit when it comes to encouraging eating disorders in young athletes.  In an article at International, the author notes:

“…Most damaging was the constant pressure to lose weight put on the girls, many of whom were barely in their teens and often younger. Sey describes eating disorders being common and coaches humiliating their athletes by calling them fat. In one memorable scene a coach picks up a loudhailer and berates a young gymnast in public for putting on 2lb. ‘At this rate you’ll look like your mother in no time,’ the coach screams, as the mother watches in the crowd and does nothing to intervene. In another incident, Sey’s coach chastises her for eating a whole bagel for dinner.’”

I’m not shocked by this, of course, as much as I’m saddened. 

Post from: Blisstree

The ugly, eating disordered world of Olympic gymnasts